"I decided to participate..."

This month (May) is EDS awareness month, and i like to participate in whatever way to make sure people understand EDS better. It's something that I live with and I like information, and i like to try to share information.

but this one post i ran across on Instagram made me think

and breathe deeply

and remind myself of something

it started with "I decided to participate.." and those 4 words stuck with me. 

Even if you're part of a thing that lasts a certain amount of time, or something that requires an amount of commitment.. 

YOU HAVE THE CHOICE

THE CAPABILITY

THE OPTION

to decide whether or not you will participate at any given time. 

Now, there's always a consequence, if you will, to any decision or choose you make, so weighing that is important. 

But is the outcome something good (like less anxiety or stress, like saying "no" to something that would cut into self care time or take away your energy, like a sick day from work, or saying no to babysitting, or turning down a Bible study because you have to take care of yourself)..

Or is it something bad (like skipping a college class to hang out with your friends, or not studying and failing, or having alcohol late at night because you want to rendering your night time medications useless, or using money for a cruise instead of paying overdue insurance)?

I ran across this on Pinterest "you are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your actions." 

---

I can choose

and I can decide

everyday

what I can or want or have the energy for

and it's ok for my to decide not to participate in any day at any time of an awareness topic

it's my choice

and my positive take away is

not participating today doesn't make me a bad person

it just means other peoples voices can be heard too, and me not speaking or being overwhelmed by the responsibility i put on myself is my choice

(Autistic brain processing.. )
deep breathe and letting my anxiety around what i feel like i "have to do".. rest

if i can't i can't

and that's ok. 

my decision to not participate in this isn't a big deal

and i'm breathing better not feeling like i have to