how do you know if someone is your friend? or if they're not anymore?

https://www.liveabout.com/how-do-you-know-when-to-call-someone-a-friend-1385633

This is a strange thing for an Autistic person to understand.

Sometimes because people will keep in touch with us and we don't know if we are supposed to reciprocate.
Sometimes I will get messages from someone that I don't know very well, but they are a friend of the family or something, and they're like "we miss you! we want to spend time with you!" etc.. and i'm like.. uhhh.. me too? But not really?

Relationships are a tough thing to maneuver, and I came across this question and it intrigued me.. how do you know if someone is your friend?
Or if you're outgrowing a relationship?

... I don't know...

https://www.bustle.com/articles/113938-7-signs-youve-outgrown-a-friend

https://theeverygirl.com/9-signs-youre-outgrowing-a-friendship-and-what-to-do-about-it/

Below are a couple things that are really sticking out to me. I would recommend reading these, if this is a part of life for you.

When there's no "us" in future-
When you think of your future, it doesn't involve a picture of you-know-who at all. Instead, you're jumping out of parachutes on your own and planning a trip to Italy with friends to learn how to cook pizza and how to say, 'buoingriono' the way the locals do.

You're not "you" anymore-
Are people telling you that you've changed? Lost your spark? Don't see happy any more? What's telling is that you secretly know exactly what they mean because you've been thinking the same thing for a while.

You don't feel supported-
Good friends are there for you thought the  ups and downs  of life. Sure, it's fun to celebrate each other's wine, but it's critical to be there for a the hard parts as well. Friendships can't exist on a steady diet of champagne and smiles alone. (Okay they can, but they're not real or sustainable that way.)

Even worse is when you make a great deal of intentional effort to support friends who flat-out don't return the favor. (Rolls your eyes if you've gone to one million wedding showers and then can't get all those married folks to show up to brunch. C'mon now.) Friends support one another, and they communicate about what they need to feel supported. That last part is vital; what's sufficient to one person may not be enough for another. But the bottom line is that it should feel like a two-way street, where both of you make an effort to care in a way that resonates.

You're in different seasons of life-
To me, the most bittersweet type of outgrowing a friendship occurs when two people are just in totally different seasons of life. You're going through a breakup, and your friend just got engaged. You are traveling across the country, and your friend is loving her life in a small town. You are pregnant, but your friend is struggling with infertility. You're becoming politically active, and your friend feels more comfortable keeping quiet. You've got a freelance gig and a small child at home, but your friend is climbing the corporate ladder. Your wallet feels right, and your friend just got a huge bonus. And so on.

It's nice to feel like you're on the same page as your bestie, and when one or both of your start to drift away, it can be disorienting, sad, and confusing. As a quiet goes, "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Friendships may fade, but they've likely served their purpose, which means you can take what you've learned and apply it to the rest of the relationships in your life.

List it-
You make two lists: 'Reasons to Stay' and 'Reasons to Leave'. When the 'Reasons to Stay' list ends up longer you're disappointed, until you quickly decide that 'our eyes aren't the same color' is a completely legit reason to leave.

And this-
The things you used to love about your partner have become annoying, or nothing to you at all.

For me personally, it's weird to not check in with them.
My relationship with them used to take up quite a bit of my time, and I didn't realize it until the relationship was back-burnered. Then I didn't know what to do with that time and energy. But I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me.
It felt like I was free. Like I could breathe better.

I have started to channel my time and energy back into my walk with God (which had seriously gone by the way side and I hadn't realized it), and also started putting some of that energy into relationships with other people that I hadn't really connected with in a while. I feel more connected to my spouse, and I've been able to take some things that I've learned from that relationship and apply them to where I am now. I did learn quite a bit and I found myself opening my mind more with her. And it does feel strange sometimes to not throw her a "hi" or ask about her kids, but my nerves around that aspect of who I had become have seriously calmed. I feel like my life is headed in a better direction, and she really did point me in a direction (possibly unknowingly) that i've begun to thrive in.

I'm becoming more me, the me I should always have been, and because of that, we aren't together. And that's ok.
Not all of us are meant to, or be able to, connect with other people at core level.

And i'm thankful that i'm ok with that.