Do those who commit suicide go to Heaven?

https://www.christianpost.com/news/do-those-who-commit-suicide-go-to-heaven.html

The state of your heart and your relationship with Christ is what "gets you in" to heaven or hell. We all sin and fall short of his glory, but that's the whole reason Jesus came. Suicide is a sin, but that does not change the status of your relationship with God.

Pharisees in the Bible.. where did they come from and who appointed them?

http://www.herealittletherealittle.net/index.cfm?page_name=Pharisees-Sadducees

THIS is a fantastic resource! Great site!

pharisees came from middle class families- Mosaic Law
they wanted to learn and pass on knowledge as they learned through the teaching of the Torah.

sadducees came from upper class- helenism
wanted to stay in control so they stuck with certain rules, and punished anyone against them.


https://www.bibleversestudy.com/acts/acts5-chief-priests.htm

This link helped me break it down more, because my curious brain needed it.

high priest and chief priest is the same thing - refer to the one priest who is appointed to lead all other priests. 
the group of priests under him is the sanhedrin. (AKA the counsel)

sanhedrin= pharisees and sadducees together. 

sadducees = wealthy and had political power (collaborated with the Romans for this), only believes in the first 5 books of the old testament. didn't believe in life after death. 
sadducee means "righteous", they were stuck up and "holier than though"

-----
keep in mind, neither of these was a good thing. they were both shunned by Jesus during his ministry.
this is interesting

https://churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/145958-jesus-manifesto-avoid-modern-day-pharisaism.html

Men ?

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?ref=saved&v=10159681264070652
WOW Ted talk




https://basicgoodness.com/2011/12-things-every-ma-should-master-to-become-a-real-man/

This is quite the list, and for the most part it makes sense. But I suggest you click on the link and actually read the descriptions.

This link below will take you to a site that talks about the Godly definition
and having conversations about a man
of faith.
https://www.whatisaman.com

Mark 1:11
The Baptism of Jesus

…10As soon as Jesus came up out of the water, He saw the heavens breaking open and the Spirit descending on Him like a dove. 11And a voice camefrom heaven: “You are My beloved Son; in You I am well pleased.”

From a woman's point of view

Am I a real man? - Well do you have a Y chromosome? (there goes my autistic brain, so tuned into being realistic).

Do I have what it takes? - I don't even understand what this means. Do I have what it takes to.. what? What are you trying to do that makes you wonder if you have what it takes to do?

What makes a man a man? - What makes a man a man is having emotions, having strength, having honesty, being open-minded while still having your own core values, being able to talk to someone about yourself and not being egotistical. Someone who anyone can trust to keep them safe, someone who is capable of sticking up for the people they are with. Someone who can wrap you in a hug and at the same time turn around a punch anyone who threatens your best friend. Someone who has respect for other people and also commands respect himself.

What makes a man a man? Someone who always works to be the best version of himself and knows he's never done with that journey.

Bridge Builders- inspired by Steven Furtick and John Gray

"The problem with someone who wants to build bridges is when they lay it down, they get walked all over."

God has called me to be a bridge builder.

This has become to clear to me.

There are so many things He wants me to speak out on.
So many topics that I've noticed people just keep hush hush.
And that's not okay.

I've been put in a position (which is odd to say it's a good thing?) to be able to use my journey and my mind to be open about things that people really wouldn't talk about.

people don't talk about disability
people don't talk about autism
people don't talk about truth
people don't talk about mental health
people don't talk about marriage
people don't talk about.. what's the other topic again?
(exactly)

all of these things are always glossed over and forgotten as soon as they are out there.
they are hidden.
they are pushed to the side.
these things (AND MORE!) are hard to listen to.

but they need to be.
and i know this list totally looks blasé
             AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

why do these things look like "oh we've seen this before?" "nothing new" "meh, old news"
but people are fighting each other AND themselves because they ARE blasé.

THIS IS SAD.
AND THIS IS A BRIDGE THAT NEEDS TO BE BUILT.

there is a gulf in between people on all sides of these topics.. it feels like a trench that around an island separating the ocean from its existence.

WE NEED WORDS.
WE NEED CONVERSATIONS.
WE NEED BRIDGES TO BE BUILT.

and praise God (in my weakness, brokenness, nervousness and tiredness) He is giving me courage.
I can't do this on my own.

comparing journeys

we all know that every single person has a different journey.
we all have different lives we live, different things we go through, and different outcomes to the same issues.

but what about if you have a medical journey, and you start comparing yours to another persons.

i found myself doing this on a couple of occasions recently.
it's good to have yourself in a group of people, like a support group, where people are going through the same things as you and together, you're getting through life and loving on each other.

and then the devil steps in.
why?
because he wants to ruin our relationships and our joy and our contentment.

I admit this to two of my INSTAfriends,
Josie https://www.instagram.com/seejosiesmile/
and
Elaina https://www.instagram.com/ms_fighting_mom/

why can't I be skinny and beautiful in my disabled state?
how does she get abs like that?
i can't do yoga like that anymore, i would fall apart. *sigh
i wish i was that confident to show off my sexy body.
and then jealousy slips in.

and i have to remind myself..
THAT'S NOT MY JOURNEY!
they have their own journeys!

I need to focus and remind myself of my own journey.
my journey isn't about taking pics of my bare body parts or talking about how disabled people are still sexual and desirable.
that's Josie's and I LOVE her for it.

my journey isn't about MS and being flexible and strong and being a young mom who is fighting the system to get help.
that's Elaina's and she just warms my soul.

my journey is to speak openly.. to use my words.. and to call things out as a see them in real life (whether it be a parenting thing, or the tiny things in nature, or something about being a spouse, a followers of God, meme's, truth, and being chronically ill and autistic).

FOCUS on what you are meant to do.
REMEMBER we are all unique.
and be HONEST with people you look up to and/or support you.

"Sketch your strategy in pencil and etch your vision in stone"- Steven Furtick

your life goals and strategies should be sketches in pencil because, as we all know, things ebb and flow and change constantly. there is no straight road. we have to be able to adjust and move with it.

but your vision for the end result should be etched in stone. there should be a solid point to where you're going.

thank you Steven Furtick for this word.

"on a diet"

i hate hearing these words.
you don't go "on a diet".

you change your way of doing things for a certain amount of time and then see if it makes a difference.

a "diet" is just a way of doing things.
you have a diet of how you eat (certain foods, mindful or not)
you have a diet of how you take care of your brain (what kind of apps are you playing on your phone, or books are you reading, or people are you talking to?)
you have a diet of how many hours you spend cleaning (when was the last time you dusted? lol)

now.. the habits that you create around these things and making a time management plan for these.
maybe doing a "budget" of sorts for life goals could be helpful!

Fathers' day (elevation church and Cornerstone) - Plot Twist

Don't get to choose who God uses
and
you don't get to choose what He does.

Ephesians 3
   For this cause I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles--
Surely you have heard about the administration of God's grace that was given to me for you, that is, the mystery made known to me by revelation, as I have already written briefly. In reading this, then, you will be able to understand my insight into the mystery of Christ, which was not made known to people i other generations as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to God's holy apostles and prophets. This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Isreal, members together of one body, and sharers together in promos in Christ Jesus.
   I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God's peace given me through the working of his power. Although I am less than the least of all the Lord's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the boundless riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.
   For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its names. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
   Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

John 4:4
Now he had to go through Samaria.

The only reason Jesus had to go through Samaria was to prove the point that we should be accepting of everyone, and that tradition isn't always the best route. If we always stick with tradition, we miss opportunities. He didn't HAVE to go through Samaria.

To follow Jesus to have to be okay with surprised and be okay with not following tradition.

God blesses and uses people that nobody knows.
Roman 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-----
Cornerstone - Michael Pitts

It's a dangerous thing to go to the wrong person to feed your hunger.
1 Corinthians 4:15
Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.

You need to feed yourself on the right food before you can feed other people.

Be careful who you're listening to when you are hungry, there are many leaders, but no enough Fathers.

We are hungry to listen, but not wise on what we put into ourselves.
And then what comes out of you will be right if you put the right things into you.

Faith is not found in a persons head, it's found in a persons heart.
Faith is not a feeling, it's a force.
Faith is subjective, not objective.

Your faith is real to you.
You don't have to prove it to anyone else, the proof is that you feel your faith.
Without faith it's impossible to please God.
Based on promise.
To receive the promise is based on the concept of faith.
When we have faith, we receive His promise. His promises will not fail. His promises will happen in his perfect timing.

Faith is not denial, it's seeing the same situation through a different lense.

5 promises of God
1 God is with me.. therefore I will not fear.
2 God is in control and I will not doubt.
3 God is good, I will not despair.
4 God is watching, I will not falter.
5 God is victorious, I will not fail.

period

Laying here

On the couch

Curled up with a heat pad on my abdomen 

Thinking I should be doing something 

Productive 

I don’t want people thinking I’m wasting my time 

Just laying here 

I feel like I’ll be judged for taking care of myself 

If I’m on my phone

Will it look like I’m using this as an excuse to play 

The stigma

Of bleeding 

“It’s not that bad, suck it up”

The message we hear 

And now there’s a headache creeping up 

If you can’t see it, it’s not real 

Ugh

If you can see it, it’s gross

Throw my mental hands in the air 

While I’m curled around my heat pad 

daughter #3

the
noise
was
eerie
in the attic

i heard steps
and a whoosh

of wind coming from the window

a laugh from far away

a scream from up close, wait.....it was coming from me....... why did I scream?

I pulled my blanket over my head
and shivered from the chill

where was the chill coming from?

oh duh
the window was open

lol

the steps crossed my floor as my mom tucked me in
and said goodnight

"good night"

(this was fun to do back and forth with her) :)

how we should see Jesus as fully God and fully Man

John 8:1-11
but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
    But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let any of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stopped down and wrote on the ground.
    At this, those who heard began to go away at one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
   "No one, sir," she said.
   "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "God now and leave your life of sin."

John 1:14
    The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the flory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

----

Jesus -> the Word
Jesus -> God incarnate
Jesus -> became man. fully God and fully man.

Jesus is the only diety who became flesh so he could feel what we felt and know how we live and do what we do so He could understand everything about us.
Incarnation = empathy.

He is able to empathize with us because He knows what it's like to be human.
But at the same time, He is perfect and He never did anything wrong, so therefore He was able to die on the altar (the cross- Old Testament prophecy becoming truth) as the perfect blameless lamb.
This is and was the only way we could come to know God.
Through the sacrifice of the perfect Lamb.

Homosexuality and the Bible

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=A2KLfR.G_edeJhMAkABXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTByMjB0aG5zBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzYw--?qid=20130724210419AAd72kZ

https://bible.org/article/homosexuality-biblical-christian-view

https://carm.org/bible-homosexuality

https://defendproclaimthefaith.org/blog/what-jesus-christ-said-about-homosexuality/


I think we are so stuck on homosexuality and making a huge deal out of it because sin against the body is sin against God's temple, and even though it's a sin, it's a sin against the whole of who you are. And sexual sin is the worst kind because it's challenging and changing who we believe we are in our inner most parts.

Being a homosexual doesn't make someone a bad person anymore than running a red light because we were distracted. These are both sins.. being destructive and not realizing, in the moments, that we are running head on into bad situations.

In the Bible it does specifically say that being intimate with someone of the same gender is frowned upon and an abomination.. but so is cheating on your wife.. and so is beating up an animal.

Like one of my other posts.. we put sins in categories.
God does not.
And we ALL have sinned, and fallen short of His glory.
THAT'S WHY Jesus came down in human form. So he can take all of that sin as a burden on himself and take it to the grave for us.

"Once Saved Always Saved"

https://www.gotquestions.org/once-saved-always-saved.html

https://www.allaboutgod.com/once-saved-always-saved.htm

https://www.christianity.com/wiki/salvation/is-it-true-once-saved-always-saved.html

http://biblereasons.com/losing-salvation/

this is a topic i struggle with.
i have had friends who were in the church and now are not, and have adopted different ways of life.

i have had friend who are now closer with God than they used to be.

so for me, I'm hoping this is true, we all hope this is true.
But unless you call God your Father and follow Him in your life, and believe in His truth..
If you tell Him you don't need Him anymore
and/or leave the church and ignore and walk away from His teachings.. to me that's not a gray area.
It seems pretty cut and dry that if you walk away from Him and lead your own way of life, He is no longer part of you.
BUT he's always waiting with arms wide open to say "my child, I missed you, i've always loved you. I'm so glad you came back".

how emotions store in the body as physical pain

photo from www.healthline.com

https://www.organicolivia.com/2017/03/where-emotions-get-stored-as-physical-pain-in-the-body/

"stress: it's a killer, sir"- Anastasia (the little bat, Bartok)

1 Kings 18 - God is shown in the fire

What we think can happen
vs
what can really happen.
We have such little minds, but God can do anything that we deem impossible.

Elijah, Mt Carmel, the altar to God vs the altar to Baal.
1 Kings 18:16-46


God's fire = power and presence.
throughout Biblical history
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-about-fire/

the burning bush
the pillar of fire that guided the Hebrews in the desert
the furnace of Shadrac, Meshac, and Abednego


in the NT Matthew 5:14, we became the visible flame. (You are the lights of the world. A town built on a full cannot be hidden.)
the candle under a bushel, a city on a hill.
we should not hide ourselves.
we must be the light, tell the truth, show Who we follow. be bold. like Elijah.

Why do pastors do an altar call?

what is the purpose of an altar call?
can't they just accept Jesus in their home or another day of the week, etc?

what is the purpose of recommitting your life? if you're already saved.. why pray that prayer again?
https://www.compellingtruth.org/rededication.html

• Altar calls can communicate the idea that people can only be saved in church under the direction of a pastor, when in fact people can be saved at any time in any place. A pastor need not be present.

----

These thoughts made me decide to do some research into the reason for them and if they are necessary.. other thoughts that may follow. 

I found this an interesting set of questions. 

If you have some other thoughts, please post them as a response to this blog post!! 

----

https://churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-how-to/138176-four-reasons-not-to-give-an-altar-call.html

https://www.gotquestions.org/altar-calls.html

I think these were both super well written. 

Grace and Truth- opposites but necessary incorporation

Grace people= can we just be friends? not hurting feelings.

Truth people= tell it like it is. 

Truth without grace is mean. 

Grace without truth is meaningless. 

You need a balance of both. 

100% of each, not split. 

Perfect tension. 

relationships - closeness

Part of my devotions was thinking about who your circle of mom friends is, and i didn't think of many people, literally one or two. But one of my dear friends was the first person that came to mind. And i'm learning this is okay - to not have an actual circle, it's OK if that circle only consists of two or three people.
Whatever is healthy for my brain in my life. :)

At least i'm not doing life alone. That's the important part.

I have lots of friends who are in other circles that don't generally mix together. So because they are in other circles, they don't generally stick to me. But I don't mind, because that keeps my circle uber small, and I like it that way.

I like knowing that I have random friends scattered around who I can depend on.
They might not be close to me and know all my random inner deepness, but that one person does.

It's OK to be not good at relationships or keeping up with other people.
As long as we're making an effort to continue to be connected to the important people in our lives.

medications - insurance - chronic illness

Let me tell you a story of someone who is chronically ill.
And has to, daily, take the amount of prescriptions and supplements on the photo on the right in order to full human; in other words, normal.

Now think if this someone loses their insurance and for half a year, has to figure out what medications are important enough to pay for out of pocket. (Which, by the way, is not cheap, let alone affordable.)

For 6 months, this person goes through so much anxiety and turmoil and changes and craziness when their world is in upheaval, and then has more thrown at them, and they still have to function because they are a parent and a spouse with a household to keep together.

Imagine after 6 months, when this person finally gets insurance again, and cries and laughs and jumps for joy when they can finally see doctors again and make appointments and get back to their regular scheduled regimen of medications. (Because see, during this time of no insurance, they also couldn't see a doctor, gets tests done, see a counselor, go to physical therapy, get a massage, because all of these things cost money and most of these things are covered by insurance.)

Imagine it was you.

Now realize it was me.
How does this make you feel?


       

Sin in categories

Humans look at sin in categories
What is worse and what can I get away with and not "Call it" sin?

Jesus sees them all the same.
All are the same sins.

The woman caught in adultery is the same as someone stealing a cup of pop from the machine at McDonalds.

Taking a car to go on a joy ride without permission (even with the intent of giving it back) is still stealing, just like taking a tooth brush from the grocery store with the intent of bringing them money for it later.

Taking $100 from your husbands wallet to buy him something doesn't make it any better, you still took the money without telling him.

A white lie is still a lie.. lies don't come in colors.

church notes from Elevation on 6/7/2020

God will dwell wherever he is welcome.
-This Place-
This place is anywhere you ask Him to be.

The building has been closed, but the church has been busy.
"I'm busy. I'm tired."

Our Heavenly Father is our administration he thinks we need a time out.

I'M TIRED

How do you protect your health and protect your sanity?
Being alone.

John 4:1-3 Now Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that he was gaining and baptizing more disciples than John- although in fact it was not Jesus who baptized, but his disciples. So he left Judea and went back once more to Galilee.


(The woman at the well, Samaritan.
All you who are weary and heavy laden. )

How are you?
versus
How's your insides?

I'm about my Fathers' Business.
Jesus wasn't even baptizing at this time, the disciples were.

Don't know who or what to listen to anymore.
John 4:4- Now he had to go through Samaria.
(pause)
Jesus didn't HAVE to do anything.

Whose agenda are you following?

think of Samaria as "some area" you want to avoid.
Jesus is confrontational.
He went through Samaria because it was the path of his purpose.

Sometimes you have to send people about because you're tired of them. It doesn't mean you don't love them, you just need a break.
(Jesus sent the disciples into town while He rested at the well.)

41 generations from creation until Jesus came.
John 1:14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

God puts you exactly where He wants you in the timeline of life. Some things that we fight are generational.

Matthew- read the last chapter. (i'm going to)

John- 7 signs that were spoken about (but that's not all there were).
1. What I know of God is not all of Him.
2. Molecular miracles - water into wine.
3. heals an important persons son - (centurion?)
4. healed someone by the pool.
5. feeding the 5 thousand (they only counted men, this is not including the women and children that were there, it was more like 7,000.
6. the man born blind
7. Lazarus- Jesus messed up his funeral.

7 statements.
I AM-
bread of life
light of the world
door for the sheep
good shepherd
the resurrection
the way
the true vine

6 is mans number. 7 is Gods.
TBH- to be honest..
Can we get back to preaching Jesus?
...... WHICH JESUS?......
the Jesus that pets sheep or the Jesus that flipped the tables in the temple?
There's only 1 Jesus. We can't pick and choose what Jesus we talk about. He is one and the same.

Jesus was tired.. He was fully God, but he was also fully man.. and as a man, he was tired.
So he sat on the well.
being weary =/= being weak.
John 4:6 Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.
Isaiah 40:28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

The direct route is sometimes the divine route.

I worship a God who is powerful enough to give me strength and human enough to be tired.
Faith doesn't prevent fatigue.

What wells are we digging for our children to sit by?
(Joseph got that well from Jacob- it was a family place)

7 days of creation
7 (the Samaritan woman had had 5 husbands, she was with the 6th right then in her life, but Jesus was the 7th man in her life)

this song came into my head- "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength! They shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. Oh Lord, teach your children to wait."

the journey through my Autistic life, in photos (take 1)

As I have seen myself in photos lately, knowing what I know now, I totally see things from a new perspective. And I felt the need to share what I've seen and what I've felt throughout my life. As I see new photos pop up that I feel should be shared, I'll create a new post. :) 

I never truly enjoyed being in groups of people.
I especially didn't like being the center of attention.
I still don't.
But I can make it look like i'm okay with it.. it's called masking.

I loved being outdoors, and bonfires always smelled so good.
They also happened during my favorite weather, beautifully chilly. 

I always had quite a bit of fun with different instruments.
Music was a special interest for many many years.
I played the flute for 13 years, piano since I was about
8 years old (I still have a piano, it's my grandma's), sang, tried
the guitar, married a man who played drums, went to different
types of concerts. I also loved wearing vintage blouses
and wool skirts.. very mature for my age.

I always felt at home with Uncle Hank and Aunt Eileen.
They felt like safety to me. They treated me like a daughter.
They were always so open and accepting and loving.
I also loved wearing velvet dresses. They made me feel
special and beautiful. And they were so soft.

This is an outfit I wore a lot. This shirt and colored
corduroys were almost like my trademark.
I loved (and still do) coduroy pants.
Also loved going to my grandma's house in New York, she
always called me her Cami Dawn, or Little T, because I
was so much like my mother. She was a safe haven for me,
as well. She was someone I looked up to.

I never really knew how to smile for pictures.
My siblings always said I had "Barbie Face".
That I always looked like I was modeling, I would
pose and fake it constantly.

Making fun faces was like my thing. I didn't
have a true just happy smile very often. This was
a moment where I felt true joy.
I was being silly poking my head through
the flowers and I loved who I was with.

This was actually the Spring of the year I got married.
My long time friend and I went to the mall in Adrian
to get a photo taken with the Easter Bunny.
20 years old or not, I'm always a child at heart.

My sister (the blonde in the background) invited me to be part of
a youth group dress up theme night, and I gladly obliged.
I love dressing up and being something that's "me" but not me.
And this is right after I got married, so I was 21. And
of course I wanted to fit in and have fun with people I knew.

My sister asked me if I wanted to go bowling with her and
her friend, and I really didn't want to. But I love my sister
and took this opportunity to spend time with her. So I went
to be with her, even though I felt like a third wheel because
I didn't really feel like part of the group. 

I've always enjoyed halloween because I get to pick something
or someone else to be. I get to dress up and really just feel
freedom to be myself and enjoy thinking outside of the box.
Masking as its finest. :) Pun intended.

I've always loved animals. They help me enjoy life. I've had
cats and dogs and fish and hamsters and a guinea pig.
My fuzzy friends really do make a huge difference in my life.

I have tried a perm on my hair 3 times in my life now.
I'm not sure why I keep trying it.
Every time, it turns out not so good.
I think I forget what it was like.

I've always enjoyed letting little kids have fun with my hair.
It gives them joy, and I feed off that.
Since my own feelings are hard to decipher, and I have such
childness inside of myself, it just thrills me so see them
light up with simple things like plastic hair clips.

I've always had a joy of water, and I hate the feeling
of it "dripping" on me. If i'm going to do it,
I'm going to get drenched. Sharing this
with my kids is always a good time.

When there are places that hold sentimental value to me, and
I know they are safe, I like to visit them and create new
memories there. Indoor pools are better for me than lakes and
ponds. I don't like the sand, I don't like now knowing what's
in the water, and I hate the feeling of stuff brushing against
me. I much prefer a pool because I know what's in it, I can
see through it, I know how deep it is, and there's no sand or
nasty stuff, except maybe a bug or leaf on top.

I have a curiosity about things in nature. This
feeds into my children, too. And it's good
because when my girls are interested in things,
I can join them in it. Figuring things out and
understanding more about them brings
me joy and excitement.

I love that I just enjoy silliness as a mother. Doing this with
adults makes me look and feel out of place. I can be more
myself around people like them. Also, though, this can
backfire and become out of hand quickly, and I can get
overwhelmed by the amount of noise and energy it creates.
It's an unfortunate catch 22.

Every time I see a mascot, my insides get happy
and I want to take a picture with them. But I
always think that would be odd, as a grown up,
so I ask if one of my kids

Being on a bicycle has always been fun for me.
When I was younger, it was freedom. I could hop on my
bike and head down the road and not worry about anything
except maybe hitting something.

Whenever there's something going on downtown, and I think
it would be fun, I take the family down there and enjoy
it altogether. Inside, i'm all geeked out because it's fun.
I love ice skating and roller skating and adventuring in town
(because I know it's a safe place and it's organized).

I have had a special interest basically my whole life of sewing.
My mom starting teaching me how to make things with
fabric when I was about 8 years old. When we got tight
for money in 2008, I decided to make cloth diapers and other
reusables for my family. It turned into a business in 2009, and
I continued creating things and selling them until 2017,
when my physical and mental disabilities became too much.
This photo shows me at the NBC 24 studio in Toledo, OH,
because my business was featured on The Green Report.
I still make things and mend things for family members,
and the occasional special made item.

I have been a helper and assistant to my husbands business
ever since he launched it in 2010. Where he lacks confidence
and pinache', that's where I come in. I'm great with
customer service, I'm a social media guru, I'm good with
wording things, figuring out how to say things so nobody
is offended but the words are simple and honest.
I'm also very good with paperwork and online communication.

When I sign up to do things with a group, I always make sure
that I either know someone who's also doing it, or that
I can easily be part of the group without doing too much
socializing. I love doing things that are helpful, and I want
to be part of missions, but it's overwhelming and hard for me
to try to blend in when I don't have any personal connections.

I've always been a hard worker. When I put my mind to a
task, or something needs done that I know I can do,
I'm going to do it and do it well. Sometimes I'll even end
up pushing myself harder than I should, but it's always
because I know it feels good in my soul and it's important.

When I get something that's homemade, I always
have a need to know who made it.
Sometimes that's not possible because of
where it could have been made.
When I went to Romania the first time, I actually
met the lady who made the necklace that was
purchased and gifted to me 2 years before. It's
amazing to me to be able to connect the dots of life.
I think everything is more amazing in hindsight,
even if the moment itself at the time is great.
I love seeing how things come together.

To me, part of any mission trip should include EVERY
aspect of the place you're going.
It should minister to the other workers,
it should minister to the people living there, it should
touch the hearts of the children and the team you're with.
Ministry is not about what you can do for them, it's also
about what they are doing to you, and the ways
it touches you while you are being active, as well.
My childlike joy and naivety works to my advantage
when I work with people. I'm always a clean slate
and I'm almost always open to spreading joy everywhere.
That's who God made me.

This person that God gave me speaks my language.
There is probably nobody else in the world
who I could feel totally myself with.
Even parts of me that I still have to regulate
are mind-blowing to him, but at the same time,
we're both still learning about each other.
And together we create happiness and
strength and unity in our home.

I love to adventure. And my whole life,
for some reason, I've been fascinate with motorcycles.
So when I got, and still get, the chance
to have fun and feel free and just be alone on the road
with my love, I do it. I have opportunities to try new
things, and I love it. The breeze, the openness of the
vehicle, the sun, the closeness with the person
you're riding with.. it's amazing. I hope
i never lose my love for Harleys.

I have some close friends that I even feel uncomfortable with
at times. There are differences that I don't understand,
or I don't know if something is socially acceptable,
so I will be confused in moments what is ok and what's
not. But i'm trying my best to just be my inner real
self, but I still feel like I need to walk on eggshells,
even though they are amazing people and they love me.
This is social anxiety in autism, and it's sometimes manageable,
sometimes not. I hate it. It makes me question
my close relationships.

Do I match them just right?
Am I smiling properly? Do I fit in?
I feel like I'm a bit over the top.
Either i'm holding back or way overdone.

protesting done right

Denver Colorado, peaceful protest. Laying on the ground in the same position as the victim was for 9 minutes, saying "i can't breathe".

Versus

taking it out on other cops
or CNN
apartment complexes- vandalizing
stopping traffic in the middle of the night on a highway (Oakland, CA)

https://megaphone.upworthy.com/p/peaceful-protests-george-floyd?fbclid=IwAR1-RIxM96smBA5XeQsV3j2Ii6AqTScP8XDLN6Zf_aUr7ryfLRbHfHlv23E