Conversations with God ... from March 26, 2023

 March 26, 2023

I was having a hard time ambulating. 

But heck if I was going to let the chilly spring day keep me from being in the garden. 

I make things work, if I really want them to. 

And I’ve been chomping at the bit to get at my plants. 

Small unsteady steps. 

Got my SI belt on. Sneakers, not slides. 

A nudge to get my new trimmers.

Making sure I had my gloves on. 

Barely had to move the slate.. was kneeling on it. 

I didn’t have to move any plants.

“please don’t make me move my flowers” I mean I know they’re Yours, but I’m taking care of them. “I won’t mess with your flowers. You’re right, you are taking care of the earth I made.”

“don’t take more rocks.. don’t do it, Cami.. leave it there. Put that one down!” But God, you literally created me this way. To want to see and collect the pretty rocks. And you’re telling me not to? “okay. You make a good point. I know, I did make you that way. Just don’t focus on the rocks.. focus on the task I gave you.” 

God is rational and He listens. He wants to have conversations with His children. And he’s a good Father. 

“I will bless you if you obey my commands.” 

“Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

 

“For I know the plans I have for you.”

“I will give you strength.” And I haven’t been sore from it. I wasn’t in pain from it. My discomfort actually lessened throughout the evening. 

“I want you to dig through this part of the garden and I want you to keep any pieces of wood that you would normally throw away.”

“You’re going to need a bigger container for the wood you pull out.” me, I doubt it. And then my container is full. I should have listened. “you’ll need that one” specific container. “But there’s a plant in there.” God shrugs “so? Replant it.” 

That’s what I get for doubting.

I found myself apologizing and feeling a bit sheepish a couple times. 

He was right, I did need the bigger planter. (Of course he was right, Cami.) 

I found some really cool fossils in the dirt! AND quite a bit of wood pulled out! 

Conversations with God .. from May 11, 2023

 May 11, 2023

God talking to me in the garden again.

I was putting the mint plants in, and then I got to the rocks and the extended garden area where the Solomons Seal is coming in. Two tiny plants. And I didn’t know what to do with the middle part of it. So I pulled all the old pieces out of decoration and started digging around so I could figure out what to plant there, and I got down to some roots that I pulled out and I heard God say “keep digging”. I was like “oh OK”. 

So I did… I kept digging, kept pulling out old roots and clipping them off. Before I know it, I’m pulling out all these beautiful rocks that have to be from the lakes. Which would make sense considering the other stones that I’ve found here and the previous owners.

I went and got a planter so I can collect the rocks that I pull out… And as I go, God tells me keep going. So I keep going. It got to a point to where the only direction I could dig was under my left foot, so I moved my foot just a scoche and dug around underneath it, hoping that it wouldn’t cave-in. 

I kept pulling out beautiful, smooth rocks that literally could only come from the lakes. God was telling me to take every rock I saw, that I’m gonna need it and I’m gonna want it. :-)

When I finally got down to where the roots were overlapping each other and I couldn’t dig down any further, I said, I don’t think I can go any further… And God said “really? Are you sure?” So I started digging around the sides and, lo and behold, there was more to be found.

When I was finally told that I didn’t have to do anymore to just fill it in and I was done, I heard my subconscious tell God that he could have any of the stones he wanted, that could do anything with them just for him. I literally gave all my findings up to God as an offering.

That shocked me, but I kept going and was thinking.. well it is his. He made the rocks and even they cry out and bless his name. That’s what all creation is do to. To worship God. In all we see and do and act. 

God said near the end I could keep all the rocks I wanted. 😮

But it does seem like some of them are meant to bring great blessing. 

I’ve seen quite a few interesting stones on eBay and Etsy.. I wonder if this “treasure” that God is leading me to is a way to provide, more than just in natural beauty, but also in finances. 

The Bible verse that He reminded me of was “Your God will provide all your needs, according to His riches in glory”. 

He told me a couple times near the end that He gave me all the rocks I needed, that any extra would be what I wanted. 

It did get to a point where He scolded and reminded me that I was taking away from the value of the gift He just gave me by continuing to look for more rocks. That hit. 

When we are given gifts from God, the more we take, it becomes about greed, about our wants, and tarnishes the beauty and the meaning of the gifts. Because we want more. Even though we need nothing else. 

Greed, pride, control, personal security. I overstepped, and it was wrong of me. 

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

Grief Poetry - Sept 2022

 Water

Connection

Chasing the sun set

Not wanting to let go

Green

Stone

Waves

Follow me with answers 

To reassure me as a chase

The missing peace

Of a long loss

Green Stone

Object

It fit perfectly in my head

When it was closed

• grief is not…

Poetry - Sept 2022

Boom.

            A soft landing 

                With an excruciating sound.

            reverberation 

                        the echo 

                        that feels

                        irritating.

            Stop. 

--------------------------------

When one thing starts, another

                        stops.

        The hinderance of newness.

        It's not life or death

        It's chasing one or the other.

                        Power shift.

                        Attention.

        Try to focus.

                        The words become soup. 

        Close your eyes.

                        let them settle.

        Then spell something out.

           Something has to make sense.

Be silent, Be still

Quiet 

Sit

Listen

So you can see

The amazement 

That you miss

When you are loud

Pounding the pavement

Chirp

Kitty Poem - 4am

Random kisses from my finger tips in the the fur and the purr and the slanted eyes of content. 

Get sloshed by the bliss of happiness.

Smiles by the mallow of makeup, what makes your eyes sparkle? 

Softened on the skin by the light of the moon.. whiskers and nuzzles and warmth. 

Is shame always a bad thing?

Toxic shame is bad. 

It's the shame that create our inner voice that tells us we'll never be good enough for anything, we'll never have any worth. 

The pointing fingers.

The constant look down the nose.

The dismissal of your as a relevant part of life.

The putting you on the back burner, and leaving you there.

Healthy shame is good.

The kind of shame that makes you inspired and motivated to change your situation. To grow and to spread into life in a better way. 
The kind that says "you suck right now". Because there's room for growth. The "right now" will change. That moment is gone and you have a chance to make a choice that WON'T suck later. Improvement. Strength. Perseverance comes from this.