Poetry - Sept 2022

Boom.

            A soft landing 

                With an excruciating sound.

            reverberation 

                        the echo 

                        that feels

                        irritating.

            Stop. 

--------------------------------

When one thing starts, another

                        stops.

        The hinderance of newness.

        It's not life or death

        It's chasing one or the other.

                        Power shift.

                        Attention.

        Try to focus.

                        The words become soup. 

        Close your eyes.

                        let them settle.

        Then spell something out.

           Something has to make sense.

Be silent, Be still

Quiet 

Sit

Listen

So you can see

The amazement 

That you miss

When you are loud

Pounding the pavement

Chirp

Kitty Poem - 4am

Random kisses from my finger tips in the the fur and the purr and the slanted eyes of content. 

Get sloshed by the bliss of happiness.

Smiles by the mallow of makeup, what makes your eyes sparkle? 

Softened on the skin by the light of the moon.. whiskers and nuzzles and warmth. 

Is shame always a bad thing?

Toxic shame is bad. 

It's the shame that create our inner voice that tells us we'll never be good enough for anything, we'll never have any worth. 

The pointing fingers.

The constant look down the nose.

The dismissal of your as a relevant part of life.

The putting you on the back burner, and leaving you there.

Healthy shame is good.

The kind of shame that makes you inspired and motivated to change your situation. To grow and to spread into life in a better way. 
The kind that says "you suck right now". Because there's room for growth. The "right now" will change. That moment is gone and you have a chance to make a choice that WON'T suck later. Improvement. Strength. Perseverance comes from this.

"don't label me!" .. but is it a label? when is it okay to "label"? even necessary?

 naming something

versus

labeling something

versus

defining something

why is this a big deal? 

I have found myself knowing myself BETTER by being able to put a name or a reason to something. 

That doesn't make it a "label".

That doesn't make it an "excuse". 

That makes it an ANSWER and a helpful piece of the life I am living. So therefore I can live better. 

CPTSD poetry - Sept 2022

Why does it matter what I do with me? Why do I need the approval of my daughter, my
husband, a friend, another friend… 
is the girl in the mirror a puppet? 
We are each a single petal, in our own direction. 
But yet we grasp onto a shadow, hide under it like a blanket and peek around the corners, trying to see if we’re being watched. Doing something we shouldn’t even though we are all petals from the same flower. 
The seeds are meant to create unique life away from the immortal pod. Where the wind blows because where we land is where we should be. 
We are told turn right or left or turn back around. 
Catastrophe, choreography… C’est la vie

CPTSD poetry - Sept 2022

I have to

Society
I am 40
Pitfalls

Crouching

Strain

Neglect

Not there yet

Follow

You’re bad

They are good

Stopping

Returning

To give up or not to give up

It’s not even a question

The story isn’t mine 

I write 

But I’m not the writer

Invisible

Security

Humanity

Why must existence exist

(just breathing)