why do we need to control things?
is it because there are so many times that something changes and we are thrown for a loop?
having control over something helps us feel more grounded and knowing when something will happen or knowing what will come next, knowing that there is some kind of plan.
but having control over things also doesn't give us space to allow for unexpected good things either, unexpected blessings. OR unexpected struggles which could TURN into blessings down the road.
the balance of control.
the good and the bad. the necessary and unnecessary.
as long as we remember that true faith, true hope, is giving up control of our lives
and day to day knowing that what comes and what goes aren't really in our control
Thursday, January 30, 2020
personal notes on The Last Arrow- book by Erwin Raphael McManus
These are personal notes that I've jotted down while reading this book. If you like what you're reading here, I highly recommend purchasing the book. It is one that I will keep around for the rest of my life because there are lessons in it that I value to a point of revisiting them throughout my life.
Some of it is directly copied from the book, and some of it I changed a bit as a personal thought or revelation.
-----
Average protects us from the risk of failure, and it also separates us from futures of greatness.
It is also, I am convinced, a window into how God works in the world and how we either open ourselves to his bigger future or ensure that we make the future smaller than he intends for us.
-----
... the one thing I have learned from her is that if you live in the past you died to your future.
-----
So let me be clear: Elisha took the plows and the oxen and built an altar. He set everything on fire that was no longer his to keep. He did this not to create a future of his own but to enable him to receive the future that God was creating for him. (He literally burned the bridge to his past so he couldn't go back, even if he someday wanted to.)
-----
I cannot ensure how long I live, but I can determine that I will love fully while I'm alive.
What is your proof of lie? What are you doing right now that proves to the world, or at least to those in your world, that you are fully alive?
Why is it that we would rather exist for as long as we can rather than to live fully for a short tome?
existence- do you exist? how do you know you exist? what proof do you have of your existence? when your body is gone from the earth, is there anything that will show the fact that you lived on it?
Life is action.
When you choose to live, you become a source of light... in face, that most heroic lives are lived by those who never think of themselves but only of those for whom they have given their lives.
Every action has a reaction; every choice ushers in a future.. Most of us know it's spiritual to pray, but somehow we miss the fact that it's just as spiritual to act.
-----
Your decisions are the direct result of truly knowing yourself.
-----
When you choose the right people, when you find your people, your life begins to come together in a way that it never could when you walk alone.
What you do, you need to find your tribe... finding your tribe is not about being of the same color or same ethnicity or same history it's about being of one heart and mind.
In fact, this is a principle that will hold true for all of us at any time in our lives: we are more powerful when you walk together, and we are more vulnerable when we walk alone.
-----
So often you blame God for the life you have, but you do not know what life you want. Certainly there is a dilemma here. The life you want may not be the life God wants for you. This is why the process must begin by loving God first. It is in loving God with all your heart and mind and soul that he begins to shape your passions. When God has your heart, you can trust your desires. His will is not a map; it is a match. He shows you the way by setting you on fire. You will know God's desire for you by the first in you! The first in you will light the way.
I wonder how many times God has asked us, "What do you want me to do for you?" and in false humility we stammered and said, "Whatever you want to do, Lord, is fine." The psalmist David tells us that we are to delight ourselves in the Lord and he will give us the desires of our heart. This means we need to know our hearts, we knows to know our desires, and we must allow those desires to first be informed and then formed by our love and worship of God.
(This is something I personally have to constantly work on. I'm not good at knowing what I want. I don't carry a lot of value in wanting things. But I understand from this that He wants us to live happy lives and He wants to bless us through the things that make us happy. So we need to know what makes us happy and what drives us to want to be better people, not necessarily outside the spectrum of faith, but what we want out of life itself.)
When you go to God, go big, dream big, pray big, ask big, live big. you will never live so big that you are too big for God. If you don't know what you want, you will get what you do not want. If you don't know who you want to become, you will become someone you never wanted to be. If you don't know what life you want to live, you're going to live the life someone else wants you to live. If you know what you want God to do in your life, you will wonder why he gave you so little, while the whole time he was waiting for you to see how much he wanted to entrust you with.
Our needs are God's opportunity to reveal his generosity and goodness towards us.
(What do I want?
I want to write.
I want people to read the words that I write.
I want my words to make a difference.
I want my words to be a vessel for God's truth.
Also, i'm using my Amazon list to think a little bit of physical things I want in life. It's helping me to know myself better as well.)
-----
Striking the last arrow is not only about seizing every opportunity; it is also about bring the right person at the right moment. -- Those moments and actions are informed and filed by who we are. The best way to ensure that you will seize every opportunity is to be the best expression of who you are.
Will you settle for less than what God has intended for you, or will you just keep striking the arrow until there is nothing left of you to I've, until you have given everything you have and everything you are and you know what, when it is all said and done, you're died with your quiver empty?
Some of it is directly copied from the book, and some of it I changed a bit as a personal thought or revelation.
-----
Average protects us from the risk of failure, and it also separates us from futures of greatness.
It is also, I am convinced, a window into how God works in the world and how we either open ourselves to his bigger future or ensure that we make the future smaller than he intends for us.
-----
... the one thing I have learned from her is that if you live in the past you died to your future.
-----
So let me be clear: Elisha took the plows and the oxen and built an altar. He set everything on fire that was no longer his to keep. He did this not to create a future of his own but to enable him to receive the future that God was creating for him. (He literally burned the bridge to his past so he couldn't go back, even if he someday wanted to.)
-----
I cannot ensure how long I live, but I can determine that I will love fully while I'm alive.
What is your proof of lie? What are you doing right now that proves to the world, or at least to those in your world, that you are fully alive?
Why is it that we would rather exist for as long as we can rather than to live fully for a short tome?
existence- do you exist? how do you know you exist? what proof do you have of your existence? when your body is gone from the earth, is there anything that will show the fact that you lived on it?
Life is action.
When you choose to live, you become a source of light... in face, that most heroic lives are lived by those who never think of themselves but only of those for whom they have given their lives.
Every action has a reaction; every choice ushers in a future.. Most of us know it's spiritual to pray, but somehow we miss the fact that it's just as spiritual to act.
-----
Your decisions are the direct result of truly knowing yourself.
-----
When you choose the right people, when you find your people, your life begins to come together in a way that it never could when you walk alone.
What you do, you need to find your tribe... finding your tribe is not about being of the same color or same ethnicity or same history it's about being of one heart and mind.
In fact, this is a principle that will hold true for all of us at any time in our lives: we are more powerful when you walk together, and we are more vulnerable when we walk alone.
-----
So often you blame God for the life you have, but you do not know what life you want. Certainly there is a dilemma here. The life you want may not be the life God wants for you. This is why the process must begin by loving God first. It is in loving God with all your heart and mind and soul that he begins to shape your passions. When God has your heart, you can trust your desires. His will is not a map; it is a match. He shows you the way by setting you on fire. You will know God's desire for you by the first in you! The first in you will light the way.
I wonder how many times God has asked us, "What do you want me to do for you?" and in false humility we stammered and said, "Whatever you want to do, Lord, is fine." The psalmist David tells us that we are to delight ourselves in the Lord and he will give us the desires of our heart. This means we need to know our hearts, we knows to know our desires, and we must allow those desires to first be informed and then formed by our love and worship of God.
(This is something I personally have to constantly work on. I'm not good at knowing what I want. I don't carry a lot of value in wanting things. But I understand from this that He wants us to live happy lives and He wants to bless us through the things that make us happy. So we need to know what makes us happy and what drives us to want to be better people, not necessarily outside the spectrum of faith, but what we want out of life itself.)
When you go to God, go big, dream big, pray big, ask big, live big. you will never live so big that you are too big for God. If you don't know what you want, you will get what you do not want. If you don't know who you want to become, you will become someone you never wanted to be. If you don't know what life you want to live, you're going to live the life someone else wants you to live. If you know what you want God to do in your life, you will wonder why he gave you so little, while the whole time he was waiting for you to see how much he wanted to entrust you with.
Our needs are God's opportunity to reveal his generosity and goodness towards us.
(What do I want?
I want to write.
I want people to read the words that I write.
I want my words to make a difference.
I want my words to be a vessel for God's truth.
Also, i'm using my Amazon list to think a little bit of physical things I want in life. It's helping me to know myself better as well.)
-----
Striking the last arrow is not only about seizing every opportunity; it is also about bring the right person at the right moment. -- Those moments and actions are informed and filed by who we are. The best way to ensure that you will seize every opportunity is to be the best expression of who you are.
Will you settle for less than what God has intended for you, or will you just keep striking the arrow until there is nothing left of you to I've, until you have given everything you have and everything you are and you know what, when it is all said and done, you're died with your quiver empty?
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
mental capacity and communication
assuming someone is capable of mature detailed conversations- i get this because this is neurotypical.
this is normal.
people are supposed to be able to do this.
people who are autistic or have any type of executive or mental dysfunction.. won't be able to connect with communication like that.
and there's nothing wrong with that.
it seems that it really angers people though, because i know they think we're being rude or shallow or crass. but really.. we're just trying our best to understand.
this might be part of my new journey.
The Doll
Inspired by a photo I saw in a FB group called
She was found in a garden
Her blue eyes and porcelain skin so still
So scary
So peaceful
What had she done to belong there?
Or maybe she was lost?
Had she fallen and become part of the earth when nobody cared?
Maybe she belonged to a rich girl, who left her behind at a party, not giving a thought to the missing piece of her toy menagerie.
Maybe she belonged to the neighbor, whose brother played a trick on her and hid her.. only to have the breeze blow her away.
Or maybe a girl, a small girl who lived in the streets, misplaced her when she was moving from shack to shack. She now mourns for her beloved bleached beauty, as she once held her close to her heart.
But she is no more.
Who knows where she hides now.
"Things Found In Walls - And Other Hidden Findings"
-----She was found in a garden
Her blue eyes and porcelain skin so still
So scary
So peaceful
What had she done to belong there?
Or maybe she was lost?
Had she fallen and become part of the earth when nobody cared?
Maybe she belonged to a rich girl, who left her behind at a party, not giving a thought to the missing piece of her toy menagerie.
Maybe she belonged to the neighbor, whose brother played a trick on her and hid her.. only to have the breeze blow her away.
Or maybe a girl, a small girl who lived in the streets, misplaced her when she was moving from shack to shack. She now mourns for her beloved bleached beauty, as she once held her close to her heart.
But she is no more.
Who knows where she hides now.
Monday, January 27, 2020
notes from church- Bethany Assembly 1/26/2020
Michael "Mike" Torres
Live life intentionally
intending to do something= plan, wish, goal
living intentionally with direction= done on purpose
Phillipians 3:15-17
Al of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Jointogether in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.
1. purpose over popularity
(use or abuse)
C.S. Lewis book, the screw tape letters- read it!
2. surrender over control
Proverbs 3:6
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
3. important over urgent
the story of Mary and Martha- Martha was staying busy in the kitchen, irritated because Mary was sitting and listening to Jesus. she chose something that was urgent to her over the importance of taking the time to just be there with the Lord.
(i literally just touched on this story - read about it in different context- in the "Crazy Busy" book. see my blog post overview of the book posted on 1/24/2020)
In general, the way a child views their father/dad is the way they view God.
What are we showing them about God?
Live life intentionally
intending to do something= plan, wish, goal
living intentionally with direction= done on purpose
Phillipians 3:15-17
Al of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Jointogether in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.
1. purpose over popularity
(use or abuse)
C.S. Lewis book, the screw tape letters- read it!
2. surrender over control
Proverbs 3:6
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
3. important over urgent
the story of Mary and Martha- Martha was staying busy in the kitchen, irritated because Mary was sitting and listening to Jesus. she chose something that was urgent to her over the importance of taking the time to just be there with the Lord.
(i literally just touched on this story - read about it in different context- in the "Crazy Busy" book. see my blog post overview of the book posted on 1/24/2020)
In general, the way a child views their father/dad is the way they view God.
What are we showing them about God?
Sunday, January 26, 2020
my story of redemption- my testimony
Ok, so.. I have always felt like my story of faith is boring. I grew up in a Christian home, asked Jesus to be in my heart when I was young. My dad was a church elder, we wore our Sunday best, memorized Bible verses in my private school.
Of course it wasn't always smooth sailing, life is life.
In junior high and high school, I was able to go to retreats with my church.
Not knowing I was autistic, I always felt out of place.
I had my Bible that I had taken from church, I wrote my name on the side of it and put a silver cross sticker on the front. I still have this Bible and use it.
When I went to Bethany Assembly for youth group with my best friends the time, I felt more comfortable because I only knew a couple people and it was a large enough group without being overwhelming.
I ended up going there every week for a while, it felt good. I actually got involved with the drama group a time or two. I also remember recommitting my life to Christ during this time, because I felt like I didn't feel Him enough. When I did feel Him, the Holy Spirit, I wanted more. I loved feeling his peace and inspiration.
I felt led to go on a mission trip to use the talents He had given me at the time.. the love for and ability to dance and sing. So I was able to join a group called the Continental Singers for two tours, fall of 2000 and spring of 2001.
When I met my husband (senior year of high school), and I found out he was a Christian and a drummer, it was a perfect match. Unfortunately, we only dated for a couple months at first. I ended up getting together with another guy that summer who I worked with that said he was a christian, but didn't act like a christian. Sure, he went to church with me, but we barely ever talked, all he wanted to do was make out, so I left that before a month was even up.
When I went off by myself to college, I struggled quite a bit because I didn't have enough structure. I felt very lost. Again, not knowing I was autistic, I put myself in situations where I knew I was going to be taken advantage of, but I wasn't able to stop it. (I didn't know this was an executive function problem.) I kissed someone I shouldn't have, I spent time in a dark room with someone I shouldn't have, I was intimate with a girl friend and didn't stop it because I was curious. I do tend to find myself curious about things that end up being socially inappropriate (maybe because of my trauma with family in high school- I was abused by someone very close for 2 years). Things that are generally not ok to do, I feel like I want to know why, and I have this feeling that I need to figure it out on my own. It's a thirst for knowledge and a curiosity, even if what I want to know really doesn't need to be physically done to know it's bad and/or wrong. I didn't even feel bad about these things, honestly, just disappointed or let down by the experiences. I knew I shouldn't be doing them when I did, but I felt helpless to change my situation. I was skipping classes (which is not like me), and I believe I lost my music scholarship (i'm not positive).
I went to the store and got drinks with friends and drank them and got in trouble (sent home for the weekend), not realizing this wasn't ok.. we were underage, but my family grew up going to vineyards and tasting wine, and I would get the little left over sips in the cups. I didn't know there was an age limit on alcohol.
One thing I specifically remember is when I felt like I was at the “end of my rope” with relationships, the only time in my life I have ever asked God to show me a sign. I specifically asked Him to show me a flower blooming in the winter when I was going to meet the man I would marry. In the spring of that year in college, I happened to glance out one of the windows in the dorm building, and there was a flower blooming in between the piles of snow and slush. And it was my favorite flower, a dandelion. That’s when Briancame to visit his sister and I ran into him.
Of course it wasn't always smooth sailing, life is life.
In junior high and high school, I was able to go to retreats with my church.
Not knowing I was autistic, I always felt out of place.
I had my Bible that I had taken from church, I wrote my name on the side of it and put a silver cross sticker on the front. I still have this Bible and use it.
When I went to Bethany Assembly for youth group with my best friends the time, I felt more comfortable because I only knew a couple people and it was a large enough group without being overwhelming.
I ended up going there every week for a while, it felt good. I actually got involved with the drama group a time or two. I also remember recommitting my life to Christ during this time, because I felt like I didn't feel Him enough. When I did feel Him, the Holy Spirit, I wanted more. I loved feeling his peace and inspiration.
I felt led to go on a mission trip to use the talents He had given me at the time.. the love for and ability to dance and sing. So I was able to join a group called the Continental Singers for two tours, fall of 2000 and spring of 2001.
When I met my husband (senior year of high school), and I found out he was a Christian and a drummer, it was a perfect match. Unfortunately, we only dated for a couple months at first. I ended up getting together with another guy that summer who I worked with that said he was a christian, but didn't act like a christian. Sure, he went to church with me, but we barely ever talked, all he wanted to do was make out, so I left that before a month was even up.
When I went off by myself to college, I struggled quite a bit because I didn't have enough structure. I felt very lost. Again, not knowing I was autistic, I put myself in situations where I knew I was going to be taken advantage of, but I wasn't able to stop it. (I didn't know this was an executive function problem.) I kissed someone I shouldn't have, I spent time in a dark room with someone I shouldn't have, I was intimate with a girl friend and didn't stop it because I was curious. I do tend to find myself curious about things that end up being socially inappropriate (maybe because of my trauma with family in high school- I was abused by someone very close for 2 years). Things that are generally not ok to do, I feel like I want to know why, and I have this feeling that I need to figure it out on my own. It's a thirst for knowledge and a curiosity, even if what I want to know really doesn't need to be physically done to know it's bad and/or wrong. I didn't even feel bad about these things, honestly, just disappointed or let down by the experiences. I knew I shouldn't be doing them when I did, but I felt helpless to change my situation. I was skipping classes (which is not like me), and I believe I lost my music scholarship (i'm not positive).
I went to the store and got drinks with friends and drank them and got in trouble (sent home for the weekend), not realizing this wasn't ok.. we were underage, but my family grew up going to vineyards and tasting wine, and I would get the little left over sips in the cups. I didn't know there was an age limit on alcohol.
One thing I specifically remember is when I felt like I was at the “end of my rope” with relationships, the only time in my life I have ever asked God to show me a sign. I specifically asked Him to show me a flower blooming in the winter when I was going to meet the man I would marry. In the spring of that year in college, I happened to glance out one of the windows in the dorm building, and there was a flower blooming in between the piles of snow and slush. And it was my favorite flower, a dandelion. That’s when Briancame to visit his sister and I ran into him.
When I got back together with Brian, I felt like my life starting making more sense again.
We had sex a couple months before we were married (learned that he had had an intimate experience once with one other person before me). Growing up I was told never to have sex before you're married, which yes I agree with. But it didn't feel shameful, actually. Maybe because I have learned that I have alexythemia and am unable at times to know what i'm feeling, or actually have feelings. But the truth for me is I waited until I was with the man that God had called me to, so i'm grateful there is no other sexual past that I have as baggage.
I kissed one of my married female friends on a church couples retreat in front of the whole group. (Again, with my experiences, I didn't know this wasn't ok to do. Like part of my brain was telling me "sure why not, we're both being silly" while a smaller part of my mind said "it doesn't seem right".) This made me feel like the little angel and devil on the shoulder were playing with me at the same time, but I couldn’t control it. I’m constantly grateful for the fact that Jesus took all of these sins to the grave with Him after He died on the cross. If it weren’t for that, no matter how sorry I was or how much I prayed for forgiveness, I would never have heaven in my future.
As an adult, I didn't realize I had never been baptized. So March 6, 2005 I got baptized at the church we were attending at the time (1.5 years after marriage, just before I got pregnant with my oldest).
In the home we had our children in, brian and I both lost our jobs and lost our home and I had to very much lean on God because brian wasn't able to hold me up spiritually during this time. I felt like he was supposed to do this because He was the man of the house. This was the first time in my life I think I realized that my relationship with God wasn’t supposed to rely on the people around me. I had to take control of it and make it my own.
When we moved into the apartment in adrian, brian and I had an altercation and we both decided to seek Christian counseling. I learned that I had mentally and emotionally detached from my husband as a trauma response, and that it would take me time to heal and reconnect with him. He was the one person I run to when bad things happen, but he was the one who had done the bad thing.
When we moved into our home, I felt distant from God and wasn't able to connect with him. I decided to at least say something to him everyday, like "I'm here God. good morning. I know you're there, but I don't feel you." When I decided to TRY to plug into Him everyday, after a few months I finally had a breakthrough.
During these few years as well, I've had opportunities to travel abroad through our church for ministry work in Romania, and was able to take this journey twice. I was able to share this with my husband once as well, and if I could physically and mentally continue to do this, I would be a lifer.
I've noticed that a lot of my story has been me trying or me acting on whatever I felt was ok.. and not really listening to what's going on around me. Unfortunately with my already difficult cognitive functions and communication errors, I think it was harder for me to try to listen to anything outside of myself. I'm grateful that at my core, there has always been a knowledge of who God is and why He cares about me as myself, and why He built me this way.
Now that I'm back on track with God, and I've lost my ability to work outside of the home, I've been seeking him and actively listening to Him to know what my next steps should be, what my new purpose is.
I'm grateful that God has led me to my newest chapter in life, using my social media and internet skills to minister in different ways.
It's always one day, one step, at a time.
He guides me, and I continue to follow to the best of my ability.
We had sex a couple months before we were married (learned that he had had an intimate experience once with one other person before me). Growing up I was told never to have sex before you're married, which yes I agree with. But it didn't feel shameful, actually. Maybe because I have learned that I have alexythemia and am unable at times to know what i'm feeling, or actually have feelings. But the truth for me is I waited until I was with the man that God had called me to, so i'm grateful there is no other sexual past that I have as baggage.
I kissed one of my married female friends on a church couples retreat in front of the whole group. (Again, with my experiences, I didn't know this wasn't ok to do. Like part of my brain was telling me "sure why not, we're both being silly" while a smaller part of my mind said "it doesn't seem right".) This made me feel like the little angel and devil on the shoulder were playing with me at the same time, but I couldn’t control it. I’m constantly grateful for the fact that Jesus took all of these sins to the grave with Him after He died on the cross. If it weren’t for that, no matter how sorry I was or how much I prayed for forgiveness, I would never have heaven in my future.
As an adult, I didn't realize I had never been baptized. So March 6, 2005 I got baptized at the church we were attending at the time (1.5 years after marriage, just before I got pregnant with my oldest).
In the home we had our children in, brian and I both lost our jobs and lost our home and I had to very much lean on God because brian wasn't able to hold me up spiritually during this time. I felt like he was supposed to do this because He was the man of the house. This was the first time in my life I think I realized that my relationship with God wasn’t supposed to rely on the people around me. I had to take control of it and make it my own.
When we moved into the apartment in adrian, brian and I had an altercation and we both decided to seek Christian counseling. I learned that I had mentally and emotionally detached from my husband as a trauma response, and that it would take me time to heal and reconnect with him. He was the one person I run to when bad things happen, but he was the one who had done the bad thing.
When we moved into our home, I felt distant from God and wasn't able to connect with him. I decided to at least say something to him everyday, like "I'm here God. good morning. I know you're there, but I don't feel you." When I decided to TRY to plug into Him everyday, after a few months I finally had a breakthrough.
During these few years as well, I've had opportunities to travel abroad through our church for ministry work in Romania, and was able to take this journey twice. I was able to share this with my husband once as well, and if I could physically and mentally continue to do this, I would be a lifer.
I've noticed that a lot of my story has been me trying or me acting on whatever I felt was ok.. and not really listening to what's going on around me. Unfortunately with my already difficult cognitive functions and communication errors, I think it was harder for me to try to listen to anything outside of myself. I'm grateful that at my core, there has always been a knowledge of who God is and why He cares about me as myself, and why He built me this way.
Now that I'm back on track with God, and I've lost my ability to work outside of the home, I've been seeking him and actively listening to Him to know what my next steps should be, what my new purpose is.
I'm grateful that God has led me to my newest chapter in life, using my social media and internet skills to minister in different ways.
It's always one day, one step, at a time.
He guides me, and I continue to follow to the best of my ability.
Friday, January 24, 2020
personal notes on Crazy Busy- book by Kevin Deyoung
These will be as I highlighted them in the book. Exact words (with slight modifications here and there for myself) from the author.
I don't include notes from every chapter/section. I'm merely keeping these notes for myself to look back on, so I can pass this book on to someone else.
If you like what you see, I definitely recommend this read!
------
1 Kings 20:40- is not trying to tackle the problem of busyness, but the line in verse 40 strikes me as a perfect description for our age. We are here and there and everywhere. We are distracted. We are preoccupied. We can't focus on the task in front of us. We don't follow through. We don't keep our commitments. We are so busy with a million pursuits that we don't even noticed the most important things slipping away.
We have more opportunity than ever before.
The result, then, is simple but true: because we can do so much, we do do so much. Our lives have no limits.
The first danger is that busyness can ruin our joy.
The second danger is that busyness can rob our hearts. Do you know why retreats and mission trips and summer camps and Christian conferences are almost always good for your spiritual growth? Because you have to clear your schedule to do them. You get away. You set aside your normal insanity to a weekend and find the space to think, pray, and worship.
The third danger is that busyness can cover up the rot in our souls. The hectic pace of life can make us physically sick.
------
It's not wrong to be kind. In fact, it's the mark of a Christian to be a servant. But people- pleasing is something else. People often call it low self-esteem, but people-pleasing is actually a form of pride and narcissism.
Pats on the back. This is the most obvious kind of price: living for praise.
Posting. If we're honest, pride lies behind much of the social media revolution. I've often had to ask myself, "Why am I blogging? Why am I tweeting? Is it for my name and my fame?"
So how can we tell when we are frantic and overwhelmed because of pride and when we are busy for nobler reasons?
Am I trying to make myself look good?
Opening our home to others is a wonderful gift and a neglected discipline in the church. But we easily forget the whole point of hospitality. Think of it this way: Good hospital-its is making your a home a hospital. The idea is that friends and family and the wounded and weary people come to your home and leave helped and refreshed.
------
- at time, opportunities have felt like obligations to me.
It's easy for preachers and leaders, or just plain old Christian friends, to pound away at "more"- we should pray more, give more, show hospitality more, share our faith more, read our Bibles, more, volunteer more.
I am not Christ. Even Jesus didn't do it all. We have been given statistics and stories about the all-too-sad conditions of the world. The good news of Christ's death and resurrection, has been turned into bad news about all the problems in the world and how much more we have to do to make things right. Care is not the same as do. We can't do something about everything, but we can care. We have different gifts and different callings. I can always pray right now.
-----
I have often marveled to think that Jesus was so terrifically busy, but only with the things he was supposed to be doing. Jesus knew the difference between urgent and important. He understood that all the good things he could do were not necessarily the things he ought to do. He was not driven by the approval of others. He understood His mission. Jesus was driven by the Spirit, by his God-given mission.
What is your mission? What are you priorities?
We have to make it our mission to stay on mission.
Stewarding my time is not about selfishly pursuing only the things I like to do. It's about effectively serving others in the ways I'm best able to serve and in the ways I am most uniquely called to serve.
I must allow others to set their own priorities. Don't think it rude if some people have less availability for you then you have for them. And don't begrudge people the time you are so desperately fighting for.
-----
Parenting has become more complicated than it needs to be. God doesn't provide very many specifics on the parent-child relationship, except that parents should teach their children about God, discipline them, be thankful for them, and not exasperate them. Filling in the details depends on the family, the culture, the Spirit's wisdom, and a whole lot of trial and error.
-----
As little as four or five years ago I didn't do anything on my phone and barely ascended the Internet at home. I'm not suggesting those days were purer and nobler, but my life felt less scattered and less put-upon. There's no doubt that some things are better because we are wired to everything. But there is a danger than we are never alone; never wanting to be alone. "We want to complexify our lives. We don't have to, we want to. We want to be harried and hassled and busy. Unconsciously, we want the very things we complain about. ... that hole is so big that nothing but God can fill it."
How can we walk out when everyone else is staying in?
It's amazing the way my impatience works. If I text someone, I expect a response in seconds. If I email, I might allow for a couple of hours, but with friends I expect to hear back in a matter of minutes. - We must allow the slow replies and short replies.. they are not rude. Don't expect that with every tap that the other person has to turn his head.
Deliberately use old technology.
Read a real book, write a paper letters, call someone on the phone, turn off the radio, go on a run without music, stop at a brick-and-mortar store.
We cannot have meaningful relationships with thousands of people. We cannot really know what's going on in the world.
-----
The reason we are busy is because we are supposed to be busy.
The busyness that's bad is not the busyness of work, but the busyness that works hard at the wrong things. It's being busy trying to please people, busy trying to control others, busy trying to do things we haven't been called to do.
One of the reasons we struggle to mightily with busyness is because we do not expect to struggle.
Whether you live in the East or the West, you will suffer if you are committed to people.
Paul was busy in the right ways. If you love God and serve others, you will be busy too. Sometimes we will get frazzled. We will feel pressure. We will be tired. We will get discouraged. We will be exhausted. But be encouraged. God uses weak things to shame the strong.
-----
We go day after day, month after crazy month: worried, upset, anxious, troubled, fussing, worked up. If you are sick and tired of feeling so dreadfully busy and are looking for a one-point plan to help restore order to your life, this is the best advice I know: devote yourself to the Word of God and prayer. By sitting at the feet of Jesus, we will grow more like him- more patient, more loving, more thoughtful. The only thing more important than ministry is being ministered to.
I don't include notes from every chapter/section. I'm merely keeping these notes for myself to look back on, so I can pass this book on to someone else.
If you like what you see, I definitely recommend this read!
------
1 Kings 20:40- is not trying to tackle the problem of busyness, but the line in verse 40 strikes me as a perfect description for our age. We are here and there and everywhere. We are distracted. We are preoccupied. We can't focus on the task in front of us. We don't follow through. We don't keep our commitments. We are so busy with a million pursuits that we don't even noticed the most important things slipping away.
We have more opportunity than ever before.
The result, then, is simple but true: because we can do so much, we do do so much. Our lives have no limits.
The first danger is that busyness can ruin our joy.
The second danger is that busyness can rob our hearts. Do you know why retreats and mission trips and summer camps and Christian conferences are almost always good for your spiritual growth? Because you have to clear your schedule to do them. You get away. You set aside your normal insanity to a weekend and find the space to think, pray, and worship.
The third danger is that busyness can cover up the rot in our souls. The hectic pace of life can make us physically sick.
------
It's not wrong to be kind. In fact, it's the mark of a Christian to be a servant. But people- pleasing is something else. People often call it low self-esteem, but people-pleasing is actually a form of pride and narcissism.
Pats on the back. This is the most obvious kind of price: living for praise.
Posting. If we're honest, pride lies behind much of the social media revolution. I've often had to ask myself, "Why am I blogging? Why am I tweeting? Is it for my name and my fame?"
So how can we tell when we are frantic and overwhelmed because of pride and when we are busy for nobler reasons?
Am I trying to make myself look good?
Opening our home to others is a wonderful gift and a neglected discipline in the church. But we easily forget the whole point of hospitality. Think of it this way: Good hospital-its is making your a home a hospital. The idea is that friends and family and the wounded and weary people come to your home and leave helped and refreshed.
------
- at time, opportunities have felt like obligations to me.
It's easy for preachers and leaders, or just plain old Christian friends, to pound away at "more"- we should pray more, give more, show hospitality more, share our faith more, read our Bibles, more, volunteer more.
I am not Christ. Even Jesus didn't do it all. We have been given statistics and stories about the all-too-sad conditions of the world. The good news of Christ's death and resurrection, has been turned into bad news about all the problems in the world and how much more we have to do to make things right. Care is not the same as do. We can't do something about everything, but we can care. We have different gifts and different callings. I can always pray right now.
-----
I have often marveled to think that Jesus was so terrifically busy, but only with the things he was supposed to be doing. Jesus knew the difference between urgent and important. He understood that all the good things he could do were not necessarily the things he ought to do. He was not driven by the approval of others. He understood His mission. Jesus was driven by the Spirit, by his God-given mission.
What is your mission? What are you priorities?
We have to make it our mission to stay on mission.
Stewarding my time is not about selfishly pursuing only the things I like to do. It's about effectively serving others in the ways I'm best able to serve and in the ways I am most uniquely called to serve.
I must allow others to set their own priorities. Don't think it rude if some people have less availability for you then you have for them. And don't begrudge people the time you are so desperately fighting for.
-----
Parenting has become more complicated than it needs to be. God doesn't provide very many specifics on the parent-child relationship, except that parents should teach their children about God, discipline them, be thankful for them, and not exasperate them. Filling in the details depends on the family, the culture, the Spirit's wisdom, and a whole lot of trial and error.
-----
As little as four or five years ago I didn't do anything on my phone and barely ascended the Internet at home. I'm not suggesting those days were purer and nobler, but my life felt less scattered and less put-upon. There's no doubt that some things are better because we are wired to everything. But there is a danger than we are never alone; never wanting to be alone. "We want to complexify our lives. We don't have to, we want to. We want to be harried and hassled and busy. Unconsciously, we want the very things we complain about. ... that hole is so big that nothing but God can fill it."
How can we walk out when everyone else is staying in?
It's amazing the way my impatience works. If I text someone, I expect a response in seconds. If I email, I might allow for a couple of hours, but with friends I expect to hear back in a matter of minutes. - We must allow the slow replies and short replies.. they are not rude. Don't expect that with every tap that the other person has to turn his head.
Deliberately use old technology.
Read a real book, write a paper letters, call someone on the phone, turn off the radio, go on a run without music, stop at a brick-and-mortar store.
We cannot have meaningful relationships with thousands of people. We cannot really know what's going on in the world.
-----
The reason we are busy is because we are supposed to be busy.
The busyness that's bad is not the busyness of work, but the busyness that works hard at the wrong things. It's being busy trying to please people, busy trying to control others, busy trying to do things we haven't been called to do.
One of the reasons we struggle to mightily with busyness is because we do not expect to struggle.
Whether you live in the East or the West, you will suffer if you are committed to people.
Paul was busy in the right ways. If you love God and serve others, you will be busy too. Sometimes we will get frazzled. We will feel pressure. We will be tired. We will get discouraged. We will be exhausted. But be encouraged. God uses weak things to shame the strong.
-----
We go day after day, month after crazy month: worried, upset, anxious, troubled, fussing, worked up. If you are sick and tired of feeling so dreadfully busy and are looking for a one-point plan to help restore order to your life, this is the best advice I know: devote yourself to the Word of God and prayer. By sitting at the feet of Jesus, we will grow more like him- more patient, more loving, more thoughtful. The only thing more important than ministry is being ministered to.
Thursday, January 23, 2020
today pain
I am in so much pain. Joint pain, weak muscle pain, inflammation pain, twisted ankle pain, too flexible pain, grinding my teeth and chewing too hard pain. Loudest ringing ever in my ears pain. It’s winter in Michigan and I have fibromyalgia pain. I had too much sugar and now my body hates me pain. I’m trying to exercise more but it’s making me more tired pain.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
definition of female beauty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMej8jXdwqM&list=WL&index=7
Feminine beauty ideal
The feminine beauty ideal is "the socially constructed notion that physical attractiveness is one of women's most important assets, and something all women should strive to achieve and maintain".[1] Feminine beauty ideals are rooted in heteronormative beliefs, and heavily influence women of all sexual orientations. The feminine beauty ideal, which also includes female body shape, varies from culture to culture.[2] Pressure to conform to a certain definition of "beautiful" can have psychological effects, such as depression, eating disorders, and low self-esteem, starting from an adolescent age and continuing into adulthood.
--------
Push back people!
This is not ok.
Push back people!
This is not ok.
Sunday, January 19, 2020
My assignment is different than yours
Exodus 14:21-22
then Moses stretched out his hand, over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
We each have something we are told to do.
Go. Act. Do.
Joshua 3:9-13
Joshua said to the Isrealites, "Come here and listen to the words of the Lord your God. this is how you will know that the living God is among you and that he will certainly drive out before you the Canaanites, Hitties, Hivites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites. See, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth will go into the Jordan ahead of you. Now then, choose twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one from each tribe. And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the Lord - the Lord of all the earth - set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream, will be cut off and stand up in a heap."
Exodus 34:26
"Brings the best of the first fruits of your soil to the house of the Lord your God. Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk. "
Each person is told to do something (in this case Moses stretched out his hand, but Joshua's men walked into the water), and when they are obedient and do it, God's promise is revealed and becomes real.
We each have something we are told to do.
Go. Act. Do.
Worship music
Listening to church online this morning, I remember how it felt to be part of praise team, singing my heart out to God, leading other people in worship.
I’m beginning to feel that way about my new mission. Since I can’t physically be on stage anymore (haven’t been since 2017- I stepped down), writing and doing live videos and sending messages to people is starting to feel like that passion and connection I felt on stage all my life.
Sometimes I do still belt out in song at home, and it feels amazing.
Naive
Definition of Naive:
a person or action showing lack of experience, wisdom or judgement.
Just because i'm childish does not mean i'm naive.
I choose to learn and use my wisdom wisely.
I won't participate in things that waste my time.
I choose not to listen to things that won't add significance to my life.
I don't generally tend to see myself as a leader, but i'm not going to use my minutes talking about things that make no sense or seem meaningless. I have precious memory and energy, I have boundaries on what I will accept into my life.
I am not naive.. I am selective.
a person or action showing lack of experience, wisdom or judgement.
Just because i'm childish does not mean i'm naive.
I choose to learn and use my wisdom wisely.
I won't participate in things that waste my time.
I choose not to listen to things that won't add significance to my life.
I don't generally tend to see myself as a leader, but i'm not going to use my minutes talking about things that make no sense or seem meaningless. I have precious memory and energy, I have boundaries on what I will accept into my life.
I am not naive.. I am selective.
Our path as Christ followers
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Time is our most valuable commodity. I need to focus on what God gave me to do, and push away distractions; everything else.
Don't get too lost in our blessings that we ignore the reason why we received the blessing in the first place.
It seems risky and dangerous to step out of my comfort zone to speak truth and be open.
Esther 4:14
For if you remain silent and this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows but you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?
For if you remain silent and this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows but you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?
For such a time as this..
tithe- old testament versus new testament
This morning, I brought up a thought about tithing when it was approached in church. The way it was talked about sparked something in be, questioning it.
I told my husband that tithe isn't about being generous and joyful, it's about being obedient with what He blessed you with.
My husband brought up the "God loves a cheerful giver" approach. So we both decided we would do some research on tithe and see what we find.
https://www.crosswalk.com/church/giving/do-you-know-the-difference-between-tithes-and-offerings.html
https://www.crosswalk.com/family/finances/is-tithing-for-the-new-testament-believer-11579309.html
https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-4-why-you-should-not-tithe-selected-scriptures
https://www.gotquestions.org/tithing-Christian.html
I told my husband that tithe isn't about being generous and joyful, it's about being obedient with what He blessed you with.
My husband brought up the "God loves a cheerful giver" approach. So we both decided we would do some research on tithe and see what we find.
https://www.crosswalk.com/church/giving/do-you-know-the-difference-between-tithes-and-offerings.html
https://www.crosswalk.com/family/finances/is-tithing-for-the-new-testament-believer-11579309.html
https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-4-why-you-should-not-tithe-selected-scriptures
https://www.gotquestions.org/tithing-Christian.html
I found some really good reads and noticed the difference between the Old Testament and the new New Testament.
So my thoughts about tithe are very old testament and by the book. New Testament, we are still more than welcome to tithe, but it’s the thought of “putting your money where your heart is” than it is being obedient, since the Law of Moses no longer applies to us. Jesus paid for all of that.
So my thoughts about tithe are very old testament and by the book. New Testament, we are still more than welcome to tithe, but it’s the thought of “putting your money where your heart is” than it is being obedient, since the Law of Moses no longer applies to us. Jesus paid for all of that.
So described in the simplest way possible, church giving is about giving from our hearts to the mission of Christ.
I'm not discounting the importance of us obeying God as our holy Father. But it's interesting to know that the concept of tithe itself is ancient history, and as long as our hearts are in the right place when we steward our finances, the 10% isn't as important as being a cheerful giver.
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Judging other people
This post is actually inspired by some events in my life right now where I am part of a support system for a person I love who is dealing with the legal system.
versus the judgement God tells us NOT to take part in and also TO take part in.
"Judge not, lest ya be judged"
to judge has two meanings:
to judge the position of the one having the authority of a judge, that is "to determine the guilt and, if there is such, to determine the degree of punishment."
also, to simple pass a positive or negative judgement about someone's actions or words without having authority to do anything about it.
Matthew 7:1 isn't talking about the authority figure. it's talking about judgements that we pass on each other everyday.. who are we to point fingers at other people, when we ourselves to not live perfectly righteous lives?
also, as people of faith, we cannot hold others without the same faith to the same standards as us. so judging someone who doesn't know Christianity in a way that we believe is wrong or right.. is wrong.
BUT, there is also the matter of judging good and bad amongst ourselves, because we are to hold each other accountable. so we are to help keep each other in line and on track, because we believe in the same moral standards based on our faith.
versus the judgement God tells us NOT to take part in and also TO take part in.
"Judge not, lest ya be judged"
to judge has two meanings:
to judge the position of the one having the authority of a judge, that is "to determine the guilt and, if there is such, to determine the degree of punishment."
also, to simple pass a positive or negative judgement about someone's actions or words without having authority to do anything about it.
Matthew 7:1 isn't talking about the authority figure. it's talking about judgements that we pass on each other everyday.. who are we to point fingers at other people, when we ourselves to not live perfectly righteous lives?
also, as people of faith, we cannot hold others without the same faith to the same standards as us. so judging someone who doesn't know Christianity in a way that we believe is wrong or right.. is wrong.
BUT, there is also the matter of judging good and bad amongst ourselves, because we are to hold each other accountable. so we are to help keep each other in line and on track, because we believe in the same moral standards based on our faith.
stimming
https://www.healthline.com/health/autism/stimming#frequency
https://autism.wikia.org/wiki/Stimming
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/autism/non-autistic-stimming-identifying-the-difference-between-autism-and-sensory-issues/
https://themighty.com/2016/01/what-stimming-feels-like-for-people-with-autism/
these are some great links to learn about stimming!
for me, I find that I rub my fingers together, or i pick at the dirt under my nails (my middle daughter said "that's why your nails are so clean!" lol yup). I also can't stand the feeling of anything in my nose, so yes, as an adult, i'll admit it, i pick my nose. I hate that it's true, but the feeling of anything inside it bothers me, and with a deviated septum, there's generally more "build up" on one side than that the other. I also hate the feeling of wax build up in my ears, so i'll dig in my ears. Sometimes I get a little too rough and my inner ears hurt for days, but i try to only use my pinky's because I know I could do some real damage if I went at it with a q-tip.
Also stim by picking at blemished on my skin, scabs, pimples.. this is a destruction stim, because you can see the scarring on my skin. I've had a problem with this since, well.. puberty. And I got picked on for it.
My Aspie daughter sniffs her nose a lot. Doesn't need a tissue, just sniffs, especially when she's concentrating on something. And she's a busy body.. she hates to not have anything to do, it actually upsets her. She draws like crazy, she has a new video game that she loves, she has pets (2 cats and a snake). And she loves to get on a horse. Oh, and also play music for herself (headphones).
I have always had a thing for cats myself.. their warmth, kneading, purring, softness, cuddle ness, but they also have a need for silence and alone time. They are my kindred spirit.
https://autism.wikia.org/wiki/Stimming
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/autism/non-autistic-stimming-identifying-the-difference-between-autism-and-sensory-issues/
https://themighty.com/2016/01/what-stimming-feels-like-for-people-with-autism/
these are some great links to learn about stimming!
for me, I find that I rub my fingers together, or i pick at the dirt under my nails (my middle daughter said "that's why your nails are so clean!" lol yup). I also can't stand the feeling of anything in my nose, so yes, as an adult, i'll admit it, i pick my nose. I hate that it's true, but the feeling of anything inside it bothers me, and with a deviated septum, there's generally more "build up" on one side than that the other. I also hate the feeling of wax build up in my ears, so i'll dig in my ears. Sometimes I get a little too rough and my inner ears hurt for days, but i try to only use my pinky's because I know I could do some real damage if I went at it with a q-tip.
Also stim by picking at blemished on my skin, scabs, pimples.. this is a destruction stim, because you can see the scarring on my skin. I've had a problem with this since, well.. puberty. And I got picked on for it.
My Aspie daughter sniffs her nose a lot. Doesn't need a tissue, just sniffs, especially when she's concentrating on something. And she's a busy body.. she hates to not have anything to do, it actually upsets her. She draws like crazy, she has a new video game that she loves, she has pets (2 cats and a snake). And she loves to get on a horse. Oh, and also play music for herself (headphones).
I have always had a thing for cats myself.. their warmth, kneading, purring, softness, cuddle ness, but they also have a need for silence and alone time. They are my kindred spirit.
blessings
When God blesses us over what we need, do we keep these blessings to ourselves, or do we let those blessings overflow into other peoples lives?
simple thought.. think about it.
simple thought.. think about it.
what is a Christian
by definition? a Chistian is someone who believes in the truth of God sending his son, Jesus, to earth to be born of a virgin, spend 3 years of his adult life talking about the truth, and then being brutally crucified in order to take all of the sins of the world (past, present and future) down to hell, where they belong, and rise back up PHYSICALLY to be with his dad in heaven again.
people saying they are a christian but don't believe in God's rules. 
"thee, thy, thou", ok it can be overwhelming and honestly, very misunderstood.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
and
Honor your father and mother.
These are the only two things we have to follow! Because if we honor other people, we won't kill, commit adultery, steal, lie, be jealous, or put anything else on a pedestal above God.
And if we love other people as we love ourselves.. we may have some work to do on loving ourselves!
ESPECIALLY since we were made in the image of God! Our bodies are where his Spirit lives. Think about that. Are we giving it a great place to live, or are we treating it like garbage?
"thee, thy, thou", ok it can be overwhelming and honestly, very misunderstood.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
and
Honor your father and mother.
These are the only two things we have to follow! Because if we honor other people, we won't kill, commit adultery, steal, lie, be jealous, or put anything else on a pedestal above God.
And if we love other people as we love ourselves.. we may have some work to do on loving ourselves!
ESPECIALLY since we were made in the image of God! Our bodies are where his Spirit lives. Think about that. Are we giving it a great place to live, or are we treating it like garbage?
I don’t irritate you on purpose- i’m actually autistic
I don't mean to say the wrong thing, or say it the wrong way, or to insult you.
I don't mean to be so blunt when I should use a filter, or use a filter when I should be blunt. This social thing is hard for me to understand.
I don't mean to leave things undone, or seem like i'm ignoring chores or messes, or forget to do something that's important.
I don't mean to over think or ruminate on something that's a minor detail and keep bringing it up. It might not be minor to me.
I don't mean to spend money on something that I think is a good idea at the time, but really my lack of judgment made it something bad or wrong.
I don't mean to yell about something that seems insignificant. Sometimes life is overwhelming, even when it's quiet.
I don't mean to push you away when you want to give me physical attention. I do want you to cuddle me, but I'm on sensory overload.
I don't mean to cross lines that aren't physically there. I'm learning.
This is who I am. And I feel like I should apologize for it.. but what good would that do?
I don't irritate you on purpose.. i'm actually Autistic. And i'm beginning to be ok with that, and whatever that means for me.
I don't mean to be so blunt when I should use a filter, or use a filter when I should be blunt. This social thing is hard for me to understand.
I don't mean to leave things undone, or seem like i'm ignoring chores or messes, or forget to do something that's important.
I don't mean to over think or ruminate on something that's a minor detail and keep bringing it up. It might not be minor to me.
I don't mean to spend money on something that I think is a good idea at the time, but really my lack of judgment made it something bad or wrong.
I don't mean to yell about something that seems insignificant. Sometimes life is overwhelming, even when it's quiet.
I don't mean to push you away when you want to give me physical attention. I do want you to cuddle me, but I'm on sensory overload.
I don't mean to cross lines that aren't physically there. I'm learning.
This is who I am. And I feel like I should apologize for it.. but what good would that do?
I don't irritate you on purpose.. i'm actually Autistic. And i'm beginning to be ok with that, and whatever that means for me.
Side effects of being off my anxiety medication
Omgosh, I was off my anxiety medications for a week because my insurance changed at the beginning of the year, and the amount i'm paying for them has changed. And I didn't realize that the way I was feeling was mostly a side effect of that! My body was going through withdrawal.
I felt sick everyday, I felt chills and heat, I wasn't sleeping well, my equilibrium has been way off (more cane time). You can see on Instagram, the photos of me on my worst day.. it was my daughters birthday party. And I had to cancel everything I was doing that day (except her party) to take care of myself. I was rocking the walker.
YIKES!
Homeless
I'm touching on this because anytime we are out driving in our town, we see people walking around with a bag, or someone has a cart, or there are a few people hanging out by the Salvation Army doors.. and it's very sobering. Where do these people stay? Are they looking for food or clothes or shelter..? Who are they, or who were they before they became this way? I wonder what amazing stories and/or lives these people could tell. And it's sad that this is what they have.
I'm sure they feel blessed to have services that will help.. but at the same time.. it would feel demeaning, i'm sure. And there are so many of them that we DONT see.
Dear God, help us reach out to them in every way we can.
I'm sure they feel blessed to have services that will help.. but at the same time.. it would feel demeaning, i'm sure. And there are so many of them that we DONT see.
Dear God, help us reach out to them in every way we can.
I yelled at my mother-in-law :-) cleaning
So this happened a couple months ago now.. but I was able to clean my hard floors today (after 4 days of terrible health) and it reminded me.
It was so funny, it was a day where I was cleaning my heard floors and my mother-in-law came over. I don't remember what for, but she had opened the door to the kitchen and was taking a couple steps, and out of instinct, I put up my hand and said "I just cleaned the floors!". My husband was like.. whoa! And my mother-in-law stopped, took two steps back and said "you know what, I know what that's like. you're right. I will stay right here." I love her. :)
I think that's the first time I remember really "putting my foot down" as an adult to another adult.
Hey! I did good! And it makes for a humorous memory. :)
It was so funny, it was a day where I was cleaning my heard floors and my mother-in-law came over. I don't remember what for, but she had opened the door to the kitchen and was taking a couple steps, and out of instinct, I put up my hand and said "I just cleaned the floors!". My husband was like.. whoa! And my mother-in-law stopped, took two steps back and said "you know what, I know what that's like. you're right. I will stay right here." I love her. :)
I think that's the first time I remember really "putting my foot down" as an adult to another adult.
Hey! I did good! And it makes for a humorous memory. :)
god knows.. mermaid tail
There's this little girl in my house who has wanted to have a mermaid tail blanket for a looonnnggg time.. and then I got one from a friend in the mail in MY size.So this little girl has been asking me on and off to use my tail and sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no.
I saw one for sale on a local Facebook marketplace posting and was going to get it, but my autistic symptoms got in the way and I made the seller angry, so I just backed off and didn't get it.
Well... this was in the clearance when this little girl and I were shopping the other day.. and I told her we would get it if it rang up a certain price.
Lo and behold, it came up 20c under budget. ;) So this little girl went home very happy yesterday and enjoyed sleeping like a mermaid.
She really is my mini me. :)
And God knows our hearts.
He knows our passions, our wants, our desires. And even though it may seem small.. he knows about a little girls want for a mermaid tail.
Things you see when you’re driving
people picking their noses
chewing food with it falling all over
putting on makeup in the rearview mirror
talking on the phone
dancing to the music.. or trying to look cool with the music pumping and sitting they're doing nothing
talking to themselves.. or hands free phone call but still look like they're talking to themselves
what else, what else..
and who here is guilty of any of the above?! i know i am.. LOL
chewing food with it falling all over
putting on makeup in the rearview mirror
talking on the phone
dancing to the music.. or trying to look cool with the music pumping and sitting they're doing nothing
talking to themselves.. or hands free phone call but still look like they're talking to themselves
what else, what else..
and who here is guilty of any of the above?! i know i am.. LOL
I can’t to do the job, but..
I can't sit behind a desk for too long, or stand for too long.
I can't lift more than 10 lbs without something in my body shifting the wrong way.
I can't jump up quickly to do something without fear of dislocating or fainting.
I can't do data entry because I miss details, even though I think i'm doing it right.
I can't hold detailed conversations (especially not for very long) without it zapping all my energy, making me lose my focus and possibly meltdown.
I can't tell you that i'll be able to work at a certain time because I don't know what my body will throw at me next.
But I can.. wake up and take things day by day.
I can be at home in case one of my children calls and needs me.
I can share my life through words.. because God gave me the passion, gift and avenues to write.
Monday, January 13, 2020
Notes from church- Bethany Assembly 1-12-2020
One prayer for God's church
is that we connect in community with each other- building relationships
so we can give AND receive care when needed!
Mark 2:1-12 the story of the lame man whose friends carried him on his stretcher up to the roof of a house and dug and hole and lowered him through to see Jesus.
when we are in the presence of Jesus, something cool is going to happen.
- who am I getting to the roof?
- who is pushing me toward the roof?
when we are connected to community with other we don't have to do life alone.
Daniel in the Bible, him and his friends (Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego) all wouldn't bow to the idol of king Nebuchadnezar, so they were thrown in the furnace, and they were all walking around in the middle of it and didn't get hurt.
Daniel 3:19-29
who is with you in life?
who are you surrounding yourself with?
who are you doing that for?
Read Proverbs 18 about isolation.
connecting to community fulfills God's calling.
we are not meant to be alone, we are to live and grow together.
John 13:34-35
1 Corinthians 12:12-14
if what you're doing isn't working, you need to change what you're doing.
The Lords Prayer
Our Father
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
They kingdom come
They will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day
Our daily bread
And forgive us our sins
As we forgive those
Who sin against us
And lead us not into temptation
But delivery us from evil
For yours is the kingdom
And the power
And the glory forever
Amen
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
They kingdom come
They will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day
Our daily bread
And forgive us our sins
As we forgive those
Who sin against us
And lead us not into temptation
But delivery us from evil
For yours is the kingdom
And the power
And the glory forever
Amen
I love you...
Why? I’m falling apart, I don’t have direction, I’m a hot mess? Why do you love me?
Because my dear, in spite of or even because of these things, you’re amazing. In your heart and in your soul, you are the kind of selfless helpful person I want to be with forever. The kind of person who knows and admits their faults, and knows they want to do more with what they have than to just sit still.
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
being a teacher
My youngest daughter yesterday told me thank you for teaching her. And I was like "but i'm not a teacher, i just tell you things that I learn," but that's what it is!
Teaching is sharing wisdom with other people. If you know something, or have learned something, and you feel it would be beneficial to someone else, by you sharing that knowledge, you are teaching someone else. :)
Teaching is sharing wisdom with other people. If you know something, or have learned something, and you feel it would be beneficial to someone else, by you sharing that knowledge, you are teaching someone else. :)
learning to budget- it's not just money
we have been working on this more recently, and now we are using a program called Quicken to itemize and categorize where things go, and we are starting to see patterns in how much we spend in different areas.
it's refreshing and it actually feels more like we have a good handle on where our money is going, instead of just spending it willy nilly.
we are learning to budget our finances, we are learning to budget our time, we are learning to budget our energy..
budgeting doesn't just have to do with money!
everyone has 24 hours in a day, and you are the one to puts your schedule together. getting a handle on what you decide to be busy with is budgeting your time and your energy.
AND you will always be able to tell what is important to someone by what they decide to spend their time and resources on!
it feels good to be able to put something on the calendar if i WANT to, because I don't HAVE to say yes if I don't feel like it's going to be a good use of my time, money and energy. :)
the world will still go around if we step back from the rat race and take control of our lives.
it's refreshing and it actually feels more like we have a good handle on where our money is going, instead of just spending it willy nilly.
we are learning to budget our finances, we are learning to budget our time, we are learning to budget our energy..
budgeting doesn't just have to do with money!
everyone has 24 hours in a day, and you are the one to puts your schedule together. getting a handle on what you decide to be busy with is budgeting your time and your energy.
AND you will always be able to tell what is important to someone by what they decide to spend their time and resources on!
it feels good to be able to put something on the calendar if i WANT to, because I don't HAVE to say yes if I don't feel like it's going to be a good use of my time, money and energy. :)
the world will still go around if we step back from the rat race and take control of our lives.
bad words during negative times
I took it upon myself to listen to an argument lately and notice that when people are in negative spaces, they tend to spew negative words.
Even people who profess faith in Christ. we all have sins, and when we have disaagreemtns that escalate, we tend to have less of a grasp on our words. the walls come down and swear words fly through.
shit
damn
dammit
the mother of them- fuck
Even people who profess faith in Christ. we all have sins, and when we have disaagreemtns that escalate, we tend to have less of a grasp on our words. the walls come down and swear words fly through.
shit
damn
dammit
the mother of them- fuck
Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building others up."
Instead we allow the gates to open, the devil to grab on, and use our tongues as a whip against others.
It's so hard to pull out of these negative spaces when really, in our hearts, we want to create pain. Being mindful of ourselves, we can learn to harness our feelings and reroute our thoughts.
Daring greatly… What’s wrong with having an ordinary life?
What makes being ordinary a bad thing?
People are so hell bent on making their lives different and extraordinary and something that stands out, that they forget and overlook that fact that sometimes simple and ordinary are so much better.
It's less stressful to have to "keep up with the joneses".
It's more relaxing and refreshing to do what you feel you are called or born to be doing, than trying to run the rat race in hopes of one-upping the next guy.
Breathe.
Feel what's in you.
Maybe ordinary.. is good.
People are so hell bent on making their lives different and extraordinary and something that stands out, that they forget and overlook that fact that sometimes simple and ordinary are so much better.
It's less stressful to have to "keep up with the joneses".
It's more relaxing and refreshing to do what you feel you are called or born to be doing, than trying to run the rat race in hopes of one-upping the next guy.
Breathe.
Feel what's in you.
Maybe ordinary.. is good.
thank God for moms purse
Recently we had friends from down south come visit family in our area, and we got the chance to spend a couple hours with them at their hotel pool. My youngest daughter came up to me after having fun for a while and said she was having a hard time breathing, so I fished out my inhaler (it's the same prescription as hers) and let her have the 2 puffs she's allowed. She waited a few minutes and felt much better, so back to the pool she went, and one of our friends said "thank God for moms purse". :)
Exactly. :)
It may seem like it's always got a lot of stuff in it.. but you never know what's going to be needed!
Exactly. :)
It may seem like it's always got a lot of stuff in it.. but you never know what's going to be needed!
raindrops, on a cloudy day
so beautifully calming
to see the little droplets cling to the tiny branches for dear life
the mist behind it creating new life in the dirt
moisturizing the fall air
like an organic lotion from heaven
bark gets a bath
ridding if of impurities that have built up
as the earth prepares for a brand new year
Church notes from the New Year- Cornerstone Church. Your journey
Found out that Bishop Pitts is stepping down from the weekly worship services and his daughter and her husband are taking over. Praise God for new leadership roles. :)
The first half of this is from Bishop Pitts, the second half of this is from his daughter, Meredith (husbands name is Phil).
---------
Michael Pitts
-
Joshua 4:19-24
the story of the Isrealites in Gilgal, they came over the Jordan river on dry land, and each tribe (12 tribes) took a stone, and placed it on the edge of the river as a monument to what God had done.
Jesus is the Cornerstone.
When you focus on God, you will make it.
Sometimes when you don't know what to do, you do what you see other people do.
Every church has a purpose. Not all of us can reach everyone, but together we can do it all.
Some churches are meant for people who are curious about our belief, new believers. Some churches are for growing that belief, finding our place, finding our gifts. Some churches are for being bold, growing the body internationally and opening new churches.
We cannot expect a church that is meant to introduce new people to be the ones to give us the meat and potatoes.. they are meant to serve baby food, not PBJ or steak.
When God gives you something (a gift), He expects you to grow in it, and spill into other people.
To harvest, you have to pick soil, plough, plant seed, water it, and then harvest it.
To follow, you have to have an assignment.
This assignment changes in different chapters of your life.
-
Meredith
-
Matthew 25- the parable of the talents.
Whatever He give you, it is up to us to work it. to Invest it.
Allowing fear and intimidation to keep you back is wicked and slothful. Allowing the devil to hold you back from your calling and from taking steps forward is coward and lazy.
Matthew 6:33
Seek first- seek God first.
Pursue other people in our lives that have this relationship with God.
Learn from them.
Seek their wisdom.
My assignment is different than there's. My assignment is different than my friends or my neighbors or my spouse.
Exodus 14:21-22
Joshua 3:9-13
Exodus 34:26
Your ministry is yours, and you need to step forward in it.
The first half of this is from Bishop Pitts, the second half of this is from his daughter, Meredith (husbands name is Phil).
---------
Michael Pitts
-
Joshua 4:19-24
the story of the Isrealites in Gilgal, they came over the Jordan river on dry land, and each tribe (12 tribes) took a stone, and placed it on the edge of the river as a monument to what God had done.
Jesus is the Cornerstone.
When you focus on God, you will make it.
Sometimes when you don't know what to do, you do what you see other people do.
Every church has a purpose. Not all of us can reach everyone, but together we can do it all.
Some churches are meant for people who are curious about our belief, new believers. Some churches are for growing that belief, finding our place, finding our gifts. Some churches are for being bold, growing the body internationally and opening new churches.
We cannot expect a church that is meant to introduce new people to be the ones to give us the meat and potatoes.. they are meant to serve baby food, not PBJ or steak.
When God gives you something (a gift), He expects you to grow in it, and spill into other people.
To harvest, you have to pick soil, plough, plant seed, water it, and then harvest it.
To follow, you have to have an assignment.
This assignment changes in different chapters of your life.
-
Meredith
-
Matthew 25- the parable of the talents.
Whatever He give you, it is up to us to work it. to Invest it.
Allowing fear and intimidation to keep you back is wicked and slothful. Allowing the devil to hold you back from your calling and from taking steps forward is coward and lazy.
Matthew 6:33
Seek first- seek God first.
Pursue other people in our lives that have this relationship with God.
Learn from them.
Seek their wisdom.
My assignment is different than there's. My assignment is different than my friends or my neighbors or my spouse.
Exodus 14:21-22
Joshua 3:9-13
Exodus 34:26
Your ministry is yours, and you need to step forward in it.
Thursday, January 2, 2020
church notes from 12-29-2019 Cornerstone and Northside
Things I took away from these live streaming church services the need to be shared!
--------
You seek after whatever you desire.
Whatever you seek you will find.
The light comes to overcome the darkness, the darkness cannot overcome the light.
Be Careful!
You need to take your faith from being a hobby and make it into something holy.
Are you hobbies more important than our faith?
God can't bless what you do if what you're doing is not for God.
culture/experience vs. normal
what culture is in your house?
what are you cultivating?
let's be audacious in our faith.
Christianity is a mosaic.. it is not a narrow relationship, God came for everyone- all the nations/nationalities- there is no prejudice.
both local and global- we do not have a fence to where we are supposed to reach. we are to reach everyone everywhere. next door or next country over.
everybody brings something to the table- we don't all eat bologna sandwiches. some people bring salad, or applesauce, or anchovies. the table of the Lord is large and bountiful, not selfish and stingy.
every believer can have the gifts of heaven- there are multiple heavenly gifts and we all have them! tap into your heavenly gift!
it's better to fail forward than it is to sit still. if you're not moving, you're not gaining. you're wasting.
always think of your audience, you can't reach a Netflix world with a Blockbuster mentality.
always do the best you can with what God gives you. (I have been given a speaking voice that is portrayed best through the written word, and I have been given an audience that is HUGE! I'm going to follow where He is leading me to talk, say what He wants me to say, put my insecurities on the back burner, and watch what happens. Because God is bigger than my still small voice.)
Noah- went into the ark and shut the door. He was ready and he was listening.
Blameshifting- how is your problems my fault? (He has been a pastor for 35 years, if you're not involved in a church, when something happens in your life people aren't going to notice.) You can't get angry at other people for not being there for you if you're not going to be involved on your end.
You can disagree with people without being dishonorable.
-----------
God promises His presence with us.
Sometimes we feel lost or doubt His presence.
Deuteronomy 31:8
God promises his providence over us- divine guidance. He will guide us.. but are we willing and listening? He constantly guides us, we have to take the step.
He promises that He will perfect us.
Romans 8:29 to perfect something (like honing a skill) does NOT equal being perfect. It means to work TOWARDS the end goal of perfection.
We want to hold on to our own identity.
But we are to become like Jesus. Colossians 1:28
How has He gone before you and remained with you?
By preparing you with connections you've made in the past. (Like the history I have with my writing classes in college, journaling growing up, my history having a business on Facebook and using Social Media).
How has He worked for good in your life?
Like Joseph- he was sold into slavery- "what you did to me you meant for harm, but God intended it for good."
How is He helping you become more like His son?
What if- he gave us marriage to make us better people? Not to make us happy?
Not everyone is called to marriage. Colossians 1:27, " the hope of glory is Christ in you".
I sat down to talk to God
Because i'm not good at talking out loud, unless it's to myself, I journaled my thoughts to God on December 27, 2019.
I feel I need to share them.
---------
Hi God.
I'm grateful for you.
Thankful for the moments of quiet where I can breathe in your presence.
Thankful for the moments of chaos where I can smile because I look around and I can see your love, your grace and your abundance.
Thankful for the love and partnership you give me in just having you with me constantly. How you guide and lead me through decisions and place my steps so surely. You know exactly where I should go, there is nothing _____ (tepid?) about your path. It is straight and true. Straight meaning without fail, straight meaning _____ (knowing, solid), not straight meaning without turn or bend, because there is nothing straight about it. But I know it is the right path because it is not always the path I would have chosen, but I know you are holding my hand and sometimes carrying me.
" 'I know the plan I have for you', declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.' "
I want to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant", not "I knew you not".
--------
The word he has given me this year, I feel it in my soul.
The word is Follow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)