Procrastination, laziness.. or executive dysfunction problems?

Using my notebook everyday to get things done. This helps me remember what needs to be done, what is planned that I have to do, even things like taking a shower because it's something that takes me a lot of energy and mental planning.

Projects that are big, overwhelming - break them into smaller pieces so they are more doable and less challenging.

Sitting there doing nothing because I can't think of what to do, I don't think of what is supposed to be done, I don't remember if something has a deadline, I just have no thought process. I need to have a jumpstart. That usually starts out as me getting my pills taken and getting dressed. I can wander around for hours doing random things here and there, feeling like I'm just walking around in air... until something or someone gives me direction and motivation.

Not starting something that you know needs to be done because it feels scary. Maybe it's something I haven't done before, or will take a lot of focus and I'm not sure I'll be able to put in the time or if I'll get interrupted. Also, any other host of things that could go wrong that I've already rehearsed in my head. Even though it may be something small, it can loom ahead like you're a tiny mouse.

 

sense of pride and accomplishment

I thought we weren't supposed to feel pride?

I get the "I'm better than you, I look better, I have more" thing...

But, so, when I actually have a feeling of "wow, I accomplished something I worked hard at. I'm proud of myself", that's okay? 

"Always be humble"

No wonder people like me are confused. 

It's hard to figure out what's okay and what's not, what feelings are and how they are felt, and what's allowed to come out my mouth, what I shouldn't talk about in public, allllllll of this. 

Autistic people, unite.

Neurodiversity is hard!!

Trauma and invalidation

Needing someone to care

No matter the caring is about

But feeling pushed away

forever

When the hug feels like they have to do it

not like they want to

crying because you need it

but knowing they don't really want to be there.

Missing people who have touched your heart and soul

because there's was too harsh to keep.

Hurting in your body every day, and never

figuring out how to keep it at bay.. because it will just come back, always.

Crying behind a door because all they see is weakness, 

throwing away the tissues before anybody can see them so they don't ask what's wrong

because there's no way to explain the empty stabbing that only breeds foul air.

Just

Keep

Going

Don't speak reality.

People only believe what's behind their noses, because everything else isn't happening to them.

And patience.. virtuous or not.. is lost in the branches of a forest fire.

Does anybody hear me?

Really?

And would they be okay with sitting in silence

and patting the sobbing lump

that is me under a blanket?

Just to have me reach my withered hand toward theirs, hoping for the touch of another heart.

Do you feel loved? What does it feel like?

 

Love - 

it feels like warmth and safety.

it feels like a struggle between too much and not enough.

it feels like yearning, even when you're together because together makes you just want more of it.

it feels like frustration because one or both of you can't handle reality, but in the meantime, it feels like pain and reconciliation, because alone is no longer a place either one of you wants to be.

it feels like the struggle of wanting to be together but needing to be apart like you need to breathe and have your space but crave them in the same vicinity. 

A breath away.

Expectations.. but which ones?

 I ran across this in an email lately, and it stopped me. I'm generally someone who thinks things through a lot and ruminates (for lack of a better word) so I can understand to the best of my ability before I move on. I try my best to connect things to the dots of my life so I can grasp them in a personal way. Otherwise, I tend to lose what I just read and move on with my day and none of it sticks. 

When it comes to a topic like expectations... I've dealt with this hugely my entire life. Whether it's other people expecting such and such from me, or me learning to expect such and such from myself, or not expecting enough in a given situation... I've learned quite a bit to internalize the action of not having expectations because the act of anticipating or predicting and then having that not met has always thrown some type of negative bend on where I'm headed or what I'm going through.. because "expectations" are a trauma trigger for me. This is also why I don't like to try and guess things or be surprised by anything that could lend fear or hurt to my insides.

So how do we decide or learn to have GOOD expectations? or positive vs negative.. or just OPEN expectations? Is this possible? 

I will most likely struggle with the concept of expectations my entire life.

starting with a definition...

what IS a Vantage Point?

a position or standpoint from which something is viewed or considered

a particular perspective or position from which you can see something (usually being able to see it well in its entirety).

(Webster's Dictionary)

So.. what gives you a good perspective? What or where are you able to see things clearly and well? In their entirety?

Being able to see the whole of a thing and comprehend or explore it with your eyes and mind in a way that gives you a full conclusion. 

What's your

Vantage Point?

What they don't see.. from the outside of me

Pushing

through lack of energy

dragging my body through airspace

to move a monster named Shark

to suck up all the skin and hair 

and whatever else fell there

moving the chair

the chair that should be so easy to move

feels like a boulder

heave

push the monster

more and more

back and forth

the chair has to go back

so I take a deep breathe

and make my feet and hands do their work

because stopping won't help anyone

it'll just make it harder to finish.

have I thought about opening a window?

yes

have I thought about turning off the AC?

yes

have I done it?

no. 

too

much

work

I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins

my heartbeat

my breathing

but my body parts

aren't processing

correctly

from the outside of me

this is what you don't see

the human

who just wants to live

and be okay

sigh

I'm okay

resting my hands on the keyboard

not moving my body

even though the face mask is going to make my skin red if I don't get it off

sigh

drag

move

How are we supposed to live?

So many things telling us which direction to go,

what to do,

who to be,

...

Be yourself!

what does that mean?

You do you!

What does THAT mean?

which voice are we supposed to listen to? 

because the voice we have inside

is constantly inundated and changed and redirected

by what's around us.

Until we don't know

if we are us anymore.

 

I have to persevere, I can't give up.. even though..

How I function: Pain meds. Resting. Tools like my cane, walking sticks, yard chair, water bottle. Taking breaks. Slow movement. Wraps and braces when I have to keep going with no choice.

I have to persevere, I have to have motivation, I have to figure out how to do what I have to do. Most of the time I know it comes from my constant relationship with Christ. 

I have to work around a body that needs more care, more gentleness, more finesse and different movements, shorter time spans of energy use.. being able to be slower, more mindful, and separate my days into segments of work and self care. I'm most functional from about 10am - 2pm, and then again from 4pm - 8pm.

Success for me looks like getting a chore done. It looks like taking a shower, and some days even just getting dressed and getting down the stairs without getting winded. Success for me looks like clearing my mind through journaling and taking care of my houseplants. It looks like doing a load of dishes and working on prepping foods for the week. Success is watering the garden and getting the mail all in one outdoor run. Success is having enough of me leftover to get on the yoga mat and pop all my joints back together. Being able to breathe and find space for my mind to declutter. Sitting with coffee and my Bible and being able to focus and feel my breathing. Being able to talk with a friend and clearly keep in touch mentally with the whole conversation. Being able to feel like I'm present and connected.

Colossians 2

I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full of riches of completed understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in who are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one made deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is. 

(Paul was grateful to know that even though he wasn't able to be with the people in that church at the time, it was good for him to know that "back home" people we strong in their faith and continuing to "fight the good fight" while he was out meeting with and encouraging other people who had heard of him and his teaching, in order to bring them to Christ as well.)

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. 

(Make sure you're staying strong in body and mind so you know when someone is telling you something wrong and leading you in a way that is not of God. Guard yourself, whole heartedly.)

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by flesh was put off when you were circumcised by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also erased with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead. 

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, trumping over them by the cross.

(You were crucified with Christ, therefore your sinful nature should be put off. Your humanity was buried with him, your faith has made you whole and new. God wins!)

Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen; they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow. 

Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not Taste! Do not touch!"? These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based merely on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have the appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

(There will be people who think they know what's best for you, and they will have their own ideas about what you should be doing. Don't worry about their opinions, God is the one who tells you right and wrong, not man. Be respectful, but have discernment. Think.)

What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder? Just "normal anxiety"?

If you feel like you have to be doing something when someone else is in the room. Because otherwise you’ll look like you’re lazy.

Thinking that the people who love you always say they love you because they put up with you. or just thinking that they just put up with you.

Not believing that you have anything to really contribute to society or family life. not believing that you have anything to really contribute to society or family life.

Always thinking about what you’re doing doesn’t matter and that you look ridiculous and that you sound ridiculous. Even though the things that you’re doing matter to you. 

Hoping you’re doing the right thing at the right time, so other people won’t judge you. Even though you know they’re judging you anyway. Or at least you’re telling yourself that you know this.

Needing affirmation that you’re not just living but that you’re actually making a difference. that somehow your existence makes something better.

It just keeps going..

I would rather.. good vs.. not good?

This doesn’t just go for people, this also goes for things in your life. Even if it’s good things, if there’s too many good things, it can also lead to frustration. I would rather adjust to having less things (even though they are good things) than to have so many that stress me out. Because then, it's not a good thing.

 

I get it now “thinking in photos “

I haven’t really been able to relate to Temple Grandon at all, even though she’s supposed to be this huge voice for the autistic community and I’m autistic. But I realized something the other day. I think in photos. 

The way my mind works is that I always think I’m going to miss something so I take pictures of everything and then I have so many pictures to go through is overwhelming, but if I don’t take pictures I think I’m gonna miss some thing. So it’s like a catch 22 for me to visualize and remember things. It’s an overwhelming and frustrating process. And I live like this daily. So it’s very hard for me to catch myself doing it. Because it’s just how I live. I have tried multiple times to cut back on taking photos. But it’s very hard for me to remember that, and it’s also very hard for me to live in the moment because if I get overwhelmed then I need to distance myself/detach mentally because otherwise I am most likely will have a breakdown. This is my process constantly.

Now that I know I am I diagnosed, I am letting myself experience the world around me the way I naturally do, and it's quite a lot. I think that's why I'm taking pictures like crazy. Because I don't think I ever gave myself the chance to really look at what I wanted to look at before. And now I just seen everything everywhere. And because I don't want to miss it I took a picture of it. But now I have 1 million pictures to go through and I think I have to save them all, but I don't.

Deuteronomy - the occult

9

When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. 

10

Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or soccer, interprets opens, engages in witchcraft,

11

or casts spells, or who is a medium or a spiritist or who consults the dead.

12

Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable before the Lords your God.

Don't mimic people who serve things that are not of God. Don't rely on Zodiac signs, make altars to pray at, believe in "it's a sign!" or "everything happens for a reason". Don't go to psychics or palm readers, use ouija boards, tarot cards or use your body in a way that would injure yourself (or someone else) in order to "satiate the gods". 

NONE of these things have anything to do with worshipping the one true Creator of the universe. He gives the free will to choose because He wants us to choose to be in a relationship with Him, and to worship and love Him freely. Not in bondage to the ways of the devil.

In the bucket

 "When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table."

Jesus had just finished speaking about letting your body be full of light when it's healthy, and full of darkness when it's not.

Went he went into the home of the Pharisee, he didn't wash his feet... for one reason.

The Pharisee then asked him why, giving Jesus the floor (so to speak) to tell about cleaning the insides AND outsides of your heart. What you practice should be what you believe, and vice versa, instead of being a two-faced. "Practice what you preach."

Do you clean the outside AND the inside of the bucket?

Or is it shiny on the outside with the filth building up?

why are there so many religions?

Romans 1:19-21

God's wrath against sinful humanity

(starting in vs 18)

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people,

who suppress the truth by their wickedness,

since what may be known about God is plain to them,

because God has made it plain to them.

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities

-- his eternal power and divine nature --

have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made,

so that people are without excuse.

For although they knew God,

they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him,

but their thinking because futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.

-----------------

If people don't accept the truth of God's word, even though they KNOW who he is and everything about him and what he stands for, 

they begin to make their own ideas of what truth is, 

they begin to define things in their own ways,

they take the information they like and leave the rest,

therefore creating spaces for people to come together that all believe the same things...

that isn't entirely biblical.

They create their own religions.

 

My Autism - talking in person versus online

It's easier for me to converse by typing or by talking online because I can see what I'm saying.

I can change what I'm saying. 

I can speak better through writing than I can put my thoughts into words

and hearing myself say them.

When I talk to people in person, there's always a fear of the response.

There's a fear of being looked down on,

there's a fear of not knowing what's going to be said back and not having the script for after that.

There's a fear of having someone ask a question

because then I have to think of the answer on the spot, 

and sometimes I say things that I don't mean or I think are going to sound wrong,

there are a million outcomes and I have to filter them through my brain.

Thinking isn't easy.

Talking out loud is worse.

Communication is really hard.

 

My Autism - if you accept me, you have to believe me

I can't have fun when I'm in a space where I had to be responsible, the two

don't and can't coincide in my brain.

I can only do one thing at a time mentally, and that, of course

effects how I act on the outside.

I can't have fun watching my kids or anyone else's, because

my anxiety tells me something bad could happen,

so I'm like a hawk the whole time.

I can do fun things in small moments, I can put aside fear when I have been able

to see everything around the area and pause my responsible brain

to engage in play,

but then within 10 minutes, I'm back to being responsible, and fun

is basically gone.

You never used to do this.. wrong. 

I never showed that part of myself to you because I didn't know myself well enough to trust myself, let alone trust someone else with what I was going through.

Maybe what you're going through is psychosomatic.. why don't you

just say it's all in my head?

Because that's what it means.

And if you didn't mean that, you insinuated it, and that's even worse.

Then I have to try to figure out what you meant, 

and that's even harder. 

THAT will make me doubt myself and beat myself up inside for not knowing how to communicate.

Jonah and Jesus- compare

I've thought about this before, but really just in passing. This time I figured I would actually study it a bit and share my findings. 

https://www.gotquestions.org/sign-of-Jonah.html

read more about what's down below \/

1. Jonah spent three days inside the belly of a great fish because of his own sinfulness and rebellion. Jesus spent three days inside the belly of the earth because of our sin and rebellion.
2. Jonah ran from the difficult calling God gave Him (Jonah 1:3). Jesus perfectly obeyed the Father’s will, coming to earth and dying on the cross.
3. Jonah was asleep on the ship during a storm caused by his own disobedience (Jonah 1:4-12). Jesus slept on a boat during a storm, and “rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” (Mark 4:35-41). Jonah caused a storm. Jesus had authority over the storm.
4. Jonah feared the Creator who had authority on earth (Jonah 1:9). Jesus is the Creator with all authority over heaven and earth (John 1:3; Matthew 28:18).
5. In the fish, Jonah knew that “Salvation belongs to the Lord” (Jonah 2:9). Jesus’ name means “Yahweh saves.” Jesus is the way of salvation (Hebrews 5:9; Acts 4:12).
6. Jonah became angry with God for showing grace toward repentant sinners (Jonah 4:2). Jesus modeled God’s grace toward repentant sinners (Romans 3:24).
7. Jonah was angry enough to die because of God’s grace toward his enemies (Jonah 4:3). Jesus was compassionate enough to die because of His love for his enemies (Romans 5:10).

What's important..

I want what's important to other people to be important to me.

Without bending my beliefs and my core values, I want what's important to my friends and acquaintances to be important to my life. 

I want their hardships to be things I can hold their hand in.

I want their joys to be times I laugh and jump up and down.

I want to be supportive of their new ventures, I want to be open to listening while they explore the world around them. 

I want to know when they need prayer more than others, and I want to have them lean on me in silence when they just need someone's presence and a box of tissues. 

Because I'm autistic.

I take pictures of things everywhere I go… Because I’m autistic. 

I may do things that you don’t approve of or think of as unacceptable… Because I’m autistic. 

I buy things when I go places that I want to remember… Because I’m autistic. 

I won’t remember things you remember, or at least not in the same way… Because I'm autistic. 

I like to touch things to process through sensory input… Because I’m autistic. 

I need quiet and a journal to process… Because I autistic. 

I need familiar tastes and flavors even though I like to experiment… Because I'm autistic. 

I need to be able to relax and find peace, I just can’t keep on the go all the time. Because I'm autistic.

I can't continue throughout a whole day without finding down times to ground myself in reality, because everything around me feels like a constantly moving bubble echoing and resonating with everything and everyone but me. 

And yes you might find yourself relating to one or two of these things and say out loud… Oh I deal with that too, that’s not an autism thing. Yes it is. Just because you deal with one or two of these things does not mean that my experience is not my experience. And it does not mean that I am not on a spectrum or that I am not unique or different. It just means that you can relate to one or two things that I go through. 

I mask and I try to relate to other people and fit in with society… Because I’m autistic. 

Struggle

 I always fear that I will fail. And I don’t even always know what i’m failing at. 

I live my life on the edge, constant anxiety, because there’s always something I feel could go wrong, and it’ll be my fault. 

I feel guilty when there is nothing to feel guilty about.

I push through my fears to try to be “normal” or fit in, even though i’m pretty sure i’m not supposed to fit in. I’m just supposed to be me. 

Still on that lifelong journey of finding out who that is. Because I change

Neurodiversity and purity.. NOT naïveté

 I am reading a book called "Autism and the God Connection" and it's been so dead on, explaining a lot of my own experiences. I wanted to share with you some snippets and one major realization for me... people who are neurodiverse (meaning: born with their minds wired a bit different than usual) are not naive. They/I see things around me, see things happening, and own our life experiences and things we've gone through and witnessed. We have a sense of not being tarnished by those things. Because we have a mind that is separated in a way from reality, a brain that doesn't understand why humankind is the way it is. We don't feel like we are part of the physical earth we live in, there's always a sense of "out of body" for us. Probably why pain and death aren't a big deal for us, because the material isn't as important as immaterial. I might not even be explaining this very well.. just go ahead and read the snippets I'm laying out for you. 

Another thing is, though, that people who are neurodiverse have a strong sense of morality and right and wrong. So when there are rules and restrictions, and they/we are able to make our own choices and do things independently, we do exactly what either we're told to do, or go exactly along with the rules. 

So for us it’s not about trying to stay in a black-and-white world, it’s that we don’t generally live in the gray area. We can’t live in the gray area. We can think about it and study about it, but it’s not a solid enough place for us to be. The gray area is what causes us to be overloaded and have meltdowns, because there’s no structure there. And that is necessary for our survival and well-being.

yes, I am closed minded. And here’s why.

I used to try to be more open-minded, and here's what I found.. this is my experience. 

The more I tried to understand things from other perspectives, the more unhinged I became. The more confused and "out to sea" I felt. I didn't know what I thought anymore, and I couldn't find my footing. 

My level of comprehension and capability of soaking in information became very shallow, because there was too much to see and hear. I didn't know what to grasp at, I felt like I was drowning, and it was terrible on my anxiety and depression. I was exhausted constantly because my brain was tring to figure out what was normal and what was real. 

Now that I've come back to my roots and got me feet planted back on the ground, I'm much more at peace, and hopeful and finding joy and better sleep. Less stress, being able to handle my days as they come, and my anxiety is only my natural jumpy self, not much extra. :) 

Being open-minded isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

Greener on the other side?

Who says life needs to be greener?

Does that just mean... better taken care of?

Watered?

Because grass can be greener... but full of weeds.

You wouldn't want that, now would you?

Take care of your own "lawn",

help it thrive, 

and don't worry about your neighbor unless it's when you're capable of lending a hand.

that sounds chaotic…

It is. :-) But it’s my beautiful chaotic blessed life.

Being in control isn't always a good thing. 

It doesn't leave room for the hills and valleys.

It doesn't leave space for facing fears or spontaneous ice cream trips.

Having a schedule, knowing what's coming up for the week, yeah! Of course! Plan your days!

But leave a little room for chaos.. because there is beauty in it. 

I know, because it's my beautiful chaotic blessed life.

And it's just right.

"Do as I say, not as I do"

 I've noticed, that we use this as a cop-out more than anything. 

If one of our kids points out that we're doing something that we tell them not to, we just use this saying as a "meh, I'm old and set in my ways. If you do what I say and not copy my actions, you'll be fine. I'm too old to change." 

You are not too old to change. 

Do you hold yourself accountable to your own words? 

Maybe we should.

I don't see a dandelion as a weed. Fight me. ;)

End if discussion ;) 

 

Jesus was fully God AND fully man

Jesus was fully man, which meant he had a human male body.

This meant he was faced with the same physical issues like dietary needs and hydration and sleeping, and also he was faced with things like sin and temptation.

But because He was fully man, this meant that there was so sin in him, there was no bad, no lies or any size or color (little white ring a bell?), no thoughts of stealing, no lust..  you get my drift? 

This is why he was ridiculed! He was a "goody two-shoes"! He followed all the rules of his Heavenly Father, not the laws of the land, except for the fact that he respected those in authority and listened to those who were teachers and the wise. BUT he also responded with the truth and love that goes along with being God.. was honest, wasn't about what people thought about him but only what God the Father had entrusted him with during his physical human years. 

Wow. 

What a mind blow.

There was no fault in him.

He always obeyed his parents, I'm sure, because unless it went against the will of his Heavenly Father, like when he stayed in the temple to talk to the elders during their trip to Jerusalem, He was exactly correct and realistic at all times.

He felt physical and emotional pain "Jesus wept" when his friends brother died, EVEN THOUGH he knew he was going to raise him from the dead. 

 

using echolalia as a means of communication

Trying to use Memes or quotes or other peoples things that they put together on Pinterest to help me say what I wanna say because it’s five times harder for me to think of the words myself and more exhausting and emotionally taxing.

This is a huge autism trait of mine. 

I quote movies, I can think of song lyrics as explanations, I use Bible verses, memes, inspirational things. It's hard for me to come up with my own words out loud.

did I just jinx myself?

when I was peeling egg shells off my boiled eggs, my husband was in the kitchen and I said out loud "wow! that shell came off so well!" and in past experience, a lot of times when I say things like that and the next one comes off crappy, there's something inside me that says "darn, must've jinxed it". 

So weird for a Bible believer to say or think that.. right? 

Or is that just something that is strange to me and nobody else?

I find it odd that we do things, like "knock on wood" and saying "good luck".. we don't even think about it. 

But are these things wrong to say? 

Do they come from a sinful place? 

What are the origins of these words and do they matter today? 

Definitely something I'm going to search up, because for me, once I'm curious about something, I generally have to do something about it until my curiosity is satiated. lol. Autism trait ;) it's something I love about myself and hate about myself at the same time. HA! 

pinch poke, you owe me a coke.. jinx!!

----------------

adding on.. just found out, apparently knocking on wood can undo a jinx. 

and jinxing someone is giving them bad luck. 

so.. witchcraft? 

"good luck" is about tempting fate.. 

so if you believe in fate, you need luck to overcome the bad outcome to get a good outcome. 

and cross your fingers, hoping it works. 

www.irishcentral.com

The word "luck" itself is Middle Dutch in origin, according to Mental Floss. The word comes from 'luc,' a shortening of 'gheluc,' meaning “happiness, good fortune.” The word was probably introduced into the English language in the 15th century as a gambling term.

and you throw salt over your shoulder to keep evil spirits from entering the place you're in. 

when I say “it’s because I’m autistic“ what I mean is..

 I'm trying to say something but it's not coming out right, or my brain is working to come up with a certain word and it's not forming and I'm frustrated. I feel the need to explain myself.. even if the need isn't for you, it's for me, I might tell you "I'm having a hard time because I'm autistic". 

I may look like I'm doing something that looks weird to you and I can tell it might not be a normal or socially acceptable thing.. and I didn't realize this before I did it, I just did it because to me, it's normal. "It's because I'm autistic." 

I might be stimming in public and you don't know why I'm making a certain movement or being giggly like a child, or getting excited over something you dub ridiculous or superficial. "It's because I'm autistic."

I say it because I feel like you need an explanation, or I need to explain because I probably look odd and you look quizzical. 

Autism is not an excuse. It's an explanation. :) It's a reason. It's a lifestyle that doesn't look like yours. It's different and, believe it or not, it's complementary to the rest of the world, because it keeps up a little bit younger and more expressive and holds so many different views from the norm. 

Understand us instead of ignoring or walking away from us. Accept us instead of calling us weirdos. We don't need rejection, we need you to be open to other possibilities. 

Don't be embarrassed by us, be proud of us. 

Misunderstood

 

I am not defiant, fearful, inflexible, oppositional, stubborn or attention seeking.

See the chart above to understand what that means.. in other words. :) 

I do not wish to be healed.

Do not twist my words into thinking that means I do not wish to live.

I love living. :) 

But God has created my DNA to be a bit different,

I am created to live a life that is dubbed disabled mentally and physically by human standards.

I cannot and do not function physically like a regular human body. I fall apart like a rice cake.

I cannot and do not function mentally like a regular human mind. I see things more purely and instinctively and sensitively.

I do not wish to be healed because there's nothing to heal.

Our physical bodies were meant to be living vessels for our souls.

They were not meant to function "perfectly" in the way we see perfection.

I am not a mentally malfunctioning corpse in clothing.

I am a fully functioning daughter of God.

He created me to be a little different because.. just because. 

He has plans for me just like He has plans for you.

He has a perfect plan for each one of us.

And we have choices.

And I choose to see myself as He does.

I do not need to be healed.

I need to be seen and heard as I am... a whole beautiful work of art.

 

And WHERE do you think you're going?

Death means one of two things. 

It means that your physical body is no longer capable of functioning as a live vessel, so it stops working, therefore it's put in the ground forever. 

"ashes to ashes, dust to dust"

It also means that your soul, your spirit, the essence of who you are, is going to an eternal place.

That's the difference between humanity and everything else living because we were not created to just cease to exist. 

We were created to be in eternal bliss.

Unfortunately, there's also a place of eternal damnation, so be careful what you intentionally choose when you think about morals and truth.

 

understanding each other

I’m learning from my personal life experiences that unless you truly listen to and learn about and accept who other people really are, it doesn’t matter what you think of them. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through with them. It matters if you actually listen and validate and let them know that you’re hearing them. And then what you’re hearing is what is true about them, whether you want it to be or not.

And we aren't going to understand everything.

That's the clincher. That's the hard part AND the joy of it. There's always room to learn and grow. 

The problem is when we think we know it all, and then something comes up saying, oh you didn't know this.. uhoh, how did I miss that? It must not be a real thing because I didn't know that and it doesn't fit with the rest of the picture I have in my head. 

Don't dismiss it. Read it again, allow yourself to hear it, LET there be room for friction and confusion. How else can we truly be open to other people?

Ohh... there was a perfect image on Pinterest for this... I'm going to go find it. 

.

.

.

.

When everything is going on around you and there's nothing you can do about it.. okay. 

*shrugs

If there are no words or actions that can improve or change or make a difference.. okay. 

what some would call “awareness “

 

Awareness means sharing information about a topic that you think needs to be said, heard, or acknowledged publicly. 

Awareness means saying "I think you should know" or "this is what my life is like because of ____ ". 

It ISN'T saying "I'm going to live in this bubble and self-destruct because I believe I can't change, and these things are happening to me and I'm just going to sit here and accept all of it as my reality, nobody can change my mind." No, that's self-destruction, not acceptance. That's asking for pity parties. 

Awareness is about knowing something and feeling the importance of other people knowing it, too.

It's not a personal vendetta, it's not a cry for help, it's not "I think this and it's the only right way to think and you should, too". 

Blessed are..

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭1:1-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.1.1-6.NIV

 

Using scripture like a Bop-It

Twist it

Turn it

Pull it

Bop it

This is what people are doing when they make it mean what they want it to mean, take it out of context, read it like it applies to their life more than it applied to the timeframe it was written in. 

David and Goliath is not about how brave you can be and slay your giants. It's about David's obedience to God to slay the Phillistine, and his journey. 

The saga of the toilet paper tail

 So, there's only one male in this house.. 

And for reason, there's a problem when it comes to using TP. 

He needs to have a tail. 

Is this a man thing? 

Because us ladies don't need a tail or leave a tail. 

And he gets so frustrated by it. 

I'm sorry, I had to write about this. It cracks me up.

Genesis 11, when language changed

My daughter asked me where all the languages came from, and that made me think of Genesis, the story of the tower of Babel when God saw the evil the people were doing and created confusion by changing their languages to many. 

(this is after God created the flood and made a promise to never do it again; hence, the rainbow)

Here's the history of it! 

I love how when God does something, it's always quick. To the point. Done. There's no beating around the bush.

GENESIS 11

The Tower of Babel

1Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. 2As people moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there.

3They said to each other, “Come, let’s make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. 4Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves; otherwise we will be scattered over the face of the whole earth.”

5But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower the people were building. 6The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. 7Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”

8So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. 9That is why it was called Babel—because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

It doesn't matter where he put each group, the fact is that they tried to do something they shouldn't so he changed it, and found them places to live.