I get it now “thinking in photos “

I haven’t really been able to relate to Temple Grandon at all, even though she’s supposed to be this huge voice for the autistic community and I’m autistic. But I realized something the other day. I think in photos. 

The way my mind works is that I always think I’m going to miss something so I take pictures of everything and then I have so many pictures to go through is overwhelming, but if I don’t take pictures I think I’m gonna miss some thing. So it’s like a catch 22 for me to visualize and remember things. It’s an overwhelming and frustrating process. And I live like this daily. So it’s very hard for me to catch myself doing it. Because it’s just how I live. I have tried multiple times to cut back on taking photos. But it’s very hard for me to remember that, and it’s also very hard for me to live in the moment because if I get overwhelmed then I need to distance myself/detach mentally because otherwise I am most likely will have a breakdown. This is my process constantly.

Now that I know I am I diagnosed, I am letting myself experience the world around me the way I naturally do, and it's quite a lot. I think that's why I'm taking pictures like crazy. Because I don't think I ever gave myself the chance to really look at what I wanted to look at before. And now I just seen everything everywhere. And because I don't want to miss it I took a picture of it. But now I have 1 million pictures to go through and I think I have to save them all, but I don't.