In the Beginning- John 1:1-3

In the beginning, the Word was already there.

the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 

He was with God in the beginning. 

All things were made through him. (NIRV) John 1:1-3

MIND BOMB

In the beginning..

at the beginning of everything

before anything, even time, existed

just.. nothingness

The Word was there already. The Word was with God and the Word was God.

He was with God in the beginning..

He..The Word.. was God and was with God..

He is Jesus.. 

so from the beginning God was already a multiple entity.. So Jesus, the Father, and the Spirit.. were all already there in the beginning.. 

The only thing was ever, has ever been, and will ever be completely present in any form of existence at any given time.. is God.. in all 3 forms. 

AND

All things were made through him. 

Every single thing on this earth, seen and unseen, were created by the trinity. 

MIND BOMB

This is a statement. 

This is not a question, this is not a teaching, hoping you're listening and writing it down and hoping you remember it sometime in your future. 

No. This is a historical statement. 

Without a doubt, this man named John.. the first thing he writes in the portion of scripture that he is entrusted to write.. is the God has been, is now and always will be.. a trinity.. and everywhere at once, and all powerful. 

when anxiety and depression gang up on you..

you feel like you're drowning
you shut down
you want to talk
but you can't
you can't speak
your brain is a fog
screaming for help
but without sound

you're muffled

but you plaster on a smile
and hope its enough to make people believe you're ok
because trying to explain how you feel
won't happen

eventually you'll make it through
that hope is a lifeline
it's happened before
it will happen again
but it sucks when you slip and get stuck in the mud again
until you can pull your way out

Love your neighbor as you love yourself

The greatest Commandment

You shall

Love the LORD your GOD

with all your heart,

and with all your soul,

and with all your mind.

The second is this.

You shall

Love your Neighbor as yourself. 

Matthew 22:37, 39

negative love- keeping yourself in a relationship that's unhealthy. 

positive love- choosing to do good things for your body. 

whatever you do for yourself, you will do for others.
however you treat yourself, it will rub off.

what you put in your mind
what you put on your body
what you say and do in your own home, in your own closet, in your own fridge, in your own mirror
the music you hear
the words that you hear and speak

LOVE itself comes from a core of faith and truth.
we cannot truly love unless we believe in, we tether to, and we have a foundation for it to grow.

if we have an unhealthy relationship with ourselves, we cannot have a healthy or good relationship with someone else. 

and sometimes that means, separating ourselves from others for a while to learn to be good to ourselves, to change, to grow, and then reconnect 

May poetry prompt #endthestigma #mightypoets

a stigma is defined as something imperfect
something that defines negatively
a blot
a blemish
being tarnished

characteristic of a defect or disease

why do we point out imperfections in others? why do we VERBALLY CREATE imperfections in others?

we see it
we process it
we step away from it
??
let's embrace it!
create a stigma of grace
a stigma of love
a stigma of health
turn the negative on it's ear and make it listen

May poetry prompt #endthestigma #mightypoets STIGMAS

(use poetry to change the harmful narratives others might believe)

stigmas:
opiod stigma- people in pain, not drug seekers. also medications in general, you don't need pills you seem normal to me (um, that's the pills)

invisible illness stigma- they're faking it to get attention

stigma around assistance devices (cane, walker, wheelchair)- they are for disabled people and old people

stigma around stay home moms- they are lazy, they can nap all day if they want.. not all stay at home moms chose that life. some have no choice so they make the best of it.

stigma around small business owners (mainly when they are starting out)- why don't you quit playing around and get a job like a normal person?

stigma around autism- you look normal, there's no way you're autistic (high functioning)

stigma around mental health/psychologist- that's not important. it's all in your head
physical symptoms of depression and anxiety, suicide

a new stigma of christians on sundays- when we leave church to go out to eat, anybody working at restaurants dreads sunday afternoons because Christians are terrible to serve! what?!?!

stigma of drinking alcohol- oh you must be a drunk. or MOMS joking about alcohol- stigma that wine is necessary to handle the stress of motherhood.

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wow! when i focused on finding a stigma to use for the May poetry prompt on www.themighty.com, i started thinking of ways our lives are stigmatized.

can you ad more to my list? i want to cover as many stigmas as possible!
i'm going to post a blog about each one of these topics!

God has created you for great things.

"God has created you for great things, and He doesn't want you to be afraid to step out."

I saw this quote in my recent Joyce Meyers magazine.

*whew
well..
yes.
I believe He has.

I believe He created a love for people in my soul.
I believe He created a love for music in my heart.
I believe He put within me a love for the written word.

I know he gave Moses the words to speak because Moses wasn't good with words.
I know God will give me the right things to write about.

His words will flow through my fingers.

But what if you don't know what your calling is?
What if you don't know your passion?
What if you need direction?

It's so amazing that He is so openly and readily available to talk to.
I think the most frustrating thing about faith and prayer is the fact that we have to wait on His timing.

In our culture now, everything is so automatic. We get upset when things don't happen quickly; and I'm talking like 10 seconds. If it's not done in seconds it's like "come on, slow poke... hurry up. omgosh you took 30 seconds to load. MOM, we need a new computer! This one is slow!"

It bothers me.
Patience is a virtue (possess it if you can. seldom found in women, and never found in man). lol. I love that little blip.

But seriously.
Learning to tap into who we are and finding our passions and following the avenues we are supposed to take.. it's hard.

But believe it.
God has created you for good things..
and it's SCARY!
But if we follow through, trust Him, and stay close to Him, things will make sense and show up!

Faith being tested is the hardest thing in life.
Where is your faith? in yourself or your Maker?

I'm fearful, yes, but i'm striving on.
Someday.. my writing, my words on paper, will make some sort of impact, and i may not even know. All I know is He wants to use my voice for people to hear.

So I continue to write.

"I think many things in life can be an adventure and it doesn't have to involve travel. Step out of the norm and take the chances that help you grow no matter how old you become." Penny E

The Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images. 

3. Though shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain.

4. Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy. 

5. Honor thy Father and thy Mother. 

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal. 

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness. 

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, wife or possessions.

Exodus 20:2-17

I don't know about you, but as a follower of Christ, a Christian, somehow who is constantly striving to be more Christ like.. 

I have to think. 

What are my sins? 

We don't very easily see sins in ourselves, but VERY easily can point fingers at other people. 

What would happen if we pointed the finger in the mirror. 

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

um.. Facebook much? Instagram? Work/Job? other people? 

while all these things can be good things, they can also VERY easily cause us to stumble. we should not put other people before God. of course people are important AND important to Him! but if we don't put Him first and learn from Him and follow His example, how are we going to have good relationships with other people? how are we going to be a blessing to other people if we don't first cling to our Father?

2. so.. other gods. in these times (old testament) they literally made for themselves idols.. but guess what guys; we.. do.. too. 

we make idols because we need something to see to believe in. it's VERY VERY hard for us, as humans, to believe in something we can't see. so we build homes, and worship them; we build friendships, and worship them; we make idols of our children, we made idols of ourSELVES. these are physical idols!! ouch. 

3. taking the Lord's name in vain. 

anybody here ever say "oh my God"? hands up? 

"oh my God".. unless you are literally talking to God, using this phrase, you are using His name.. in VAIN. "futile, vain, fruitless mean producing no result. futile may connote completeness of failure or unwisdom of undertaking. resistance had proved so futile that surrender was the only choice left vain usually implies simple failure to achieve a desired result." 

So we are using His name... in a futile way. It means nothing. 

I'm sorry.. God means nothing? 

4. The Sabbath day- our Sunday. 

Seventh Day Adventists believe Saturday is the Sabbath. That's ok. 

We celebrate Sabbath on Sunday, as Christians. 

What do you do with your Sunday? Sleep in? Do nothing? 

Sabbath is Holy. This is why we have congregations; church; a place to meet as a gathering of believers. This is what Sunday morning is for. 

We don't work on Sundays because we are supposed to use it as a day of rest.. God rested, after all He had made. We are to follow suit. 

Now, I don't know what he DID to rest.. maybe took a nap, maybe played with some of the animals he had just made, maybe watched the stars dance around.. 

Growing up, we didn't even do laundry on Sunday. We read books, we napped, we enjoyed some peace and quiet.. after church. 

Now, as a family (myself, husband and three daughters) we reserve this day as Family Time. We make sure to spend time with each other. Whether it's video games, coloring, talking, taking a walk.. it's family time. 

5. Honor your father and mother. 

First thing that came to mind.. kids these days. 

It's on youtube, it's on Facebook, it's all over the place, people taking VIDEOS of kids being absolutely completely ruthless to parents. 

Excuse me.. who died and made you king?! 

We have GOT to show and teach and learn and project HONOR on our elders! Even if you don't have a parent anymore, honor is a major thing! 

honor, homage, reverence, deference mean respect and esteem shown to another. honor may apply to the recognition of one's right to great respect or to any expression of such recognition.

Bring it back! Respect! Recognize the authority! 

6. killing.. self explanatory. 

Don't take another human life. God made each and every one of us. We are taking the power away from God, the human beings perfectly planned life, and pretending WE are in control of it. We are not in control of our life or anybody else's life! That's God's place. 

7. adultery.. it's written in another verse, actually, that you commit adultery with someone just by thinking it in your mind. If you're going to think about cheating, you already have. Your mind has already gone there. we are ALL guilty of this one. 

Father.. we are so not worthy of your perfection. 

8. thou shalt not steal. 

this should be a no brainer.. it's not yours. even if it's not in a store with a price tag, if it's in someone else's house.. if you do not own it and you have to sneak to take it, IT IS STEALING.

9. ok earring false witness... LYING. 

um.. yeah.. i know i have. 

10. coveting someone else's house or wife or possessions. 

They have a nice car.. *sigh. 

Omgosh I love their dog, i wish i had one like that. 

You're hair looks so good, I wish mine looked like that!

complimenting is not a bad thing! it's when you make it about you and what you want and selfishness sneaks in.. that's sin. that's covetous. 

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go ahead and write your thoughts on these biblical principles down below. :) 

Be blessed!

Crappily Happily (that's my saying, quote me.. no stealing)

so seriously.. what does your life mean to you?

i mean.. not what other people think of it, or what feedback you get outside of yourself.. i'm talking about just you.

are you aware of yourself? are you finding happiness? are you knowing who you are? and BIGGER QUESTION are you ok with who you are?

it's hard enough to be acceptable to yourself, let alone deal with how other people view us or if they accept us.. if we "make the cut".

for instance- i've always gotten along with people older and younger than me, because either i look up to them, or i feel like them. i'm an old soul, but i'm also a child trapped in a decaying adult body. it doesn't MATTER if i feel like an adult.. who honestly does?

there are definitely moments where i'm more "mature" or "responsible" than other, because I have to step into that role for a certain period of time. but that's not who i am.

and as long as I do what i have to do to keep my household and my life running, no matter how smoothly or crappily i do it :) i'll do it the way i need to.

i don't have the time or the energy to try to make everyone happy, or to be acceptable to them.

I have to be acceptable to myself. and that's hard enough to do. LOL

so i'm coining the phrase- Crappily Happily.

i'm Crappily Happily living my life.

my imperfect version of seeking joy in the middle of responsibility.

Camella Dawn Court- Crappily Happily living.

it's not working..

my brain is.. not working

this morning i had laid out clothes that i wanted to wear, so that was easy, and then since it's mothers day, i defaulted to wearing my mothers necklace (a peapod made with my 3 daughters pearl birthstone colors).

the girls had made me breakfast, so that was nice. breakfast in bed. i didn't have to worry about what to make for breakfast.

we got to church a bit before service, it was nice to see a few friends, got a couple "oh yay, you're not in your wheelchair this week!" comments with smiles and hugs. that made me feel good.

service was fine. i wore most of my rings because my fingers have been overworked lately. got a picture of me and my girls at the photo op.

went to the grocery store to get a couple things. had a list to use so that made it easy.
got home, made lunch, mom came over and joined me to eat.

when she left, i used one of my coupons Livy gave me from last year and cashed in a whole body massage with my massage lotion. then i cashed in a cuddles massage with Jazmine and watched a few episodes of Friends with her (it's our show).

after that I decided to go in the office and do some things at the shared family computer table, and Brian wanted/needed some help cleaning up, so I turned around and basically just followed his instructions.

and then it hit me.
again.

for the second time today, i was hit with this feeling of "what am i doing? i know i've got something i was doing or going to do, or maybe i was supposed to pick something up from another room, or.." and the "nothingness" (questions, exclamation points, light bulb, flashes and fog) continued.

it's actually happening right now, while I try to explain what it feels like. explain what the heck my mind is doing.. when i can't understand.. when it seems my ability to think has been shut off.

something not connecting it.
it's what i call a "short circuit".. i get "shut off" randomly.

i've been disassociating today, on and off. floating in and out of my surroundings and my body.

i've been able to find myself at times in projects i give myself. i did good when i was cooking lunch (it was a meal that i had thought about yesterday and planned to make). it was good when i decided to make paper flowers out of craft supplies i picked up yesterday (paper doilies and blue napkins from the tables at the mother/daughter banquet).

i'm going to have some coffee, eat a banana (because i have no idea what to make myself for dinner, i feel like i can't decide), and get out my coloring book.

The Wounded Woman

I have been working through this book for a while now, using different books and videos, etc, to turn to whatever i'm needing to gain for my spiritual and emotional health.
Oh my gosh.. I'm so glad I bought this book (on Amazon) .
I have marked in it like crazy, I have gained so much sympathy and insight and strength and hope and relief.. i'm sure there's more, but I'm unable to put it in words right now. I will read this over and over. I also encourage you to get it for yourself. We ALL have so many things we've dealt with and have gone through, and we need healing.

The Wounded Woman: Hope and Healing for Those Who Hurt
by Dr Steve Stephens and Pam Vredevelt

(the bold parts are my extra thoughts, the rest are little excerpts from the last section I just read that spoke to me and I felt I needed to share.)
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What if pain is a teacher and difficulties are opportunities?
What if a life without struggle is a wasted life?

"In the designs of Providence there are no mere coincidences"- Pop John Paul II

A wound may be a blessed event, if only we embrace the blessing and don't get stuck in the agony and distress of it. We are not minimizing the suffering; we're only saying that it may have a meaning that shines through the darkness. Difficult as it may be right now for you to affirm this, the pain may be worth it.
Troubles happen, but life moves on. We either move forward with it or we relive it, focusing over and over again on our difficulty. We all must ask ourselves: Are we living life in our rearview mirror or with our eyes intently focused on the road ahead?

We all need to push forward, for that is where life is. We must start by stepping out.

What is my dream?
What is holding me back from stepping out?

Christ gives us strength and comfort and hope. Regardless of the past, He will be with us as we move forward.
Jesus understands pain. He suffered we could be healed and forgiven.
God has great dreams for us; all we need to do is step out and grasp them.

"Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you" Galatians 5:1 (The Message)

Somebody once said: "The shadow will always by behind you if you walk toward the light." Walking toward the light means stepping out and not letting anything stop us.

Our future will not be perfect. There will be new challenges, new difficulties, and new wounds. But we will be stronger for what we have gone through. Louisa May Alcott wrote: "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."
It's interesting that she didn't say that he had learned to sail, but that she was learning. We are all in process - none of us has arrived. Yet on this journey, with God's help and our determination, we move  forward and discover victory.

Gratitude is faith in action. Every moment of every day is full of things for which to be thankful. Gratitude makes us more alive, more enthusiastic, more optimistic.

Our wounds are gifts, while at the same time being tests. 

Helen Keller: "I thank God for my handicaps for, through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God."

Our wounds make us more willing to let go of what we have here.

Frances DeSales wrote: "We will soon be in eternity, and then we will see how all the affairs of the world are such little things."

Living in the light of eternity causes us to reprioritize what matters most.

Life is full of challenges!

On the battlegrounds of life, our faith has the potential to grow stronger and deeper.

Our wounds.. are nothing for which to feel ashamed or insecure about. In God's eyes there is nothing wrong with our wounds.

Troubles transform us if we let them. Challenges can be what empower us and take us to the next level.
He is willing to use our pain to accomplish great things in us and around us.

He yearns to heal our wounds when the time is right. He is waiting to comfort us as soon as we ask Him. He is eager to strengthen us as we lean more on Him.

For it is through hope that we move forward.