my struggle..

i've been feeling lately that i need to back into singing at church. i took a hiatus from it about a year ago, which was a very good thing for my to do. there was just so much going on, and i had to step down from something.

i've been helping in nursery for a couple months now, and we wear a bright orange shirt if we work with children so it's easier for the parents and other staff. 

and this last weekend i was struggling with that because i've never been one to want to stand out, and i heard an audible voice in my head tell me i was made to stand out. 

that with the gift of my voice, and the gift of my compassion for other people, and the gift of my passion for children.. there are so many ways that i can impact my community. 

so i need to find a way to get around my insecurities and step out of my little box. i was not meant to me a wallflower, i was made to stand out. 

so this is my newest struggle. :) 

ironically, my new job is helping with this. ;) 

just goes to show God always knows what He is doing when He puts you in certain situations. Always trust Him to make a good decision for you. ;) 

new and new

so as MANY of you know by now.. we have moved!!

we are finally stepping into a new chapter of our lives called "home owners"..
and at the same time i'm stepping into a new chapter called "new job"..
and my girls are stepping into a new chapter called "new school". lol. :)

it's been a big transition in many ways.

but my goodness.. is it ever a good feeling!

it's been strange getting to know a new job.. i worked at Kohls for 5.5 years, going from housekeeping to cashier to customer service. and finding out that i LOVE customer service.

i stepped down from my volunteer position at church on the praise team about a year ago now, and i've been gradually getting back into volunteering.. but i'm now in the nursery with the babies. ;)

weight.. shake it off.

this morning i weighed myself after my workout and the scale read 160, i automatically said "that's NOT ok".. then stopped myself.

why is that not ok?

my goal is not to lose weight anymore.. i've lost the weight i wanted to. now i'm working at strengthening myself.

even if it WASN'T that way, why would i tell myself that i'm not ok?

such a twisted version of what's alright and what's not.

i'm a tall, healthy, strong mother with 3 daughters..
and if i want my girls to feel ok in their own skin, i can't be thinking this way.

just because i never want to see a 160 on the scale again, doesn't mean it would be unhealthy for it to happen.

shake it off, Cami. shake it off. and feel good about yourself!
THIS is how God created you.

Manners and Importance

There was a gentleman I waited on at Kohls.. older gentleman who had awesome manners, and somehow the conversation came up about how his teenage grandson was at the dinner table on his phone.

I told him i totally agree, that during meals, and during family time, we keep our devices put away as much as possible. We need to be in that moment with each other. To spend the time with people around us, and put "stuff" behind us. It can wait.

That also reminded me of a comment that was made to me this morning at church.. my girls were with friends and family, so they weren't at church with us. And when I went to the cafe to get a cookie, the lady asked me about my girls, and said "they are always so polite when they come up to get a cookie".
Thank you, God, for showing me how to raise my children, and I'm glad I'm choosing to follow the way He's leading me as a mom.

I don't want my girls to be the ones at the table with the phone in their face.
Sometimes i'll get a text or an alert when i'm at home making a meal or tending to something, and Jaz will want to bring me my phone.. I tell her "leave it there, i'll get to it when i get to it". They need to learn that other things are more important than to constantly stay connected to some form of electronic or media. I want to show them that by living it.

Wisdom

I am not wise.
It is God using my voice as a vessel to speak to those around me.
It is His wisdom that people hear.

I am merely His servant, and I have made the decision to listen to Him and offer myself to Him.

I Die Daily

Numbers

 I never realized how much of the numbers nerd I am.
 I always get a kick out of seeing 1234 on the clock.
 My daughters birthdays and weights intrigue me as well… Born 06, 07 and 08..  Weighing 5 pounds, 6 pounds, and 7 pounds.  And Jazzy was born on 1-6-06  at 1:16 AM .

 When I sort things at work, I like to see how much each box adds up to, and sometimes I will count my steps and other people's steps.
 I will even catch myself counting steps in movies.

 When I have a sale or refund, I think it's fun when something comes up to $3.33 or an even amount with no change..  I actually had someone's receipt the other day that was  and even dollar amount before and after-tax,  on the dot.
 Even drivers license numbers intrigue me.  Also sequences, like $151.51.

 I love closing at work, because I like to countdown the registers.

....
 Sometimes I wonder if this has to do with genealogy… My maiden name, TenCate, means keeper of the books.  Unless it's just a happy coincidence :-)

Perspective

 I was at work last night, on Mother's Day, and I got a bit of perspective from a customer I was waiting on.

 She was bringing in a return and I asked how her Mother's Day was, she said "good but I had to work".
 I smiled and said "ha ha, me too" :-)

 It's like she had an Aha moment right in front of me, and she said "that's right, I'm sorry".

 I said "not at all, you're fine". :)

 I proceeded to tell her about the song that Jazmine wrote for me, and about the fact that my children had packed my lunch pail and I didn't know what was in it. LOL.  So I was even able to take Mother's Day with me to my job.

Kind of makes you think about what you say to people every day, and the fact that even though you don't think that you're complaining about life, or not realizing what you're actually saying about yourself and the people around you… Just kind of puts it into perspective, the things we should be more thankful for and how we should  be more grateful for all of the good moments in between our busyness.

...
 What kind of perspective can you bring to the table?
 Is there something that you've run across that you would like to share? I would love to hear it.

Phillipians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me"

this is my life verse.

I believe that anything God gives me a strength and a passion for, the drive for, that's what i'm meant to do.

when i was younger, i had a passion for cheerleading. i love every aspect of it.

then i grew into a passion for computer work, office work.

after that, when i started having a family of my own and needing to lean more on my home skills, i started having more of a passion for my sewing abilities, and to help other people learn about bettering our lives and our children's lives through ecofriendly products. so i made them and sold them and educated other people about them.

i believe now, my passion for customer service and health (both physical and mental), is leading me to a new stage in my life.
physical fitness and customer service as paid positions to help my family, while enjoying the "want" i have for them.

and because of the passions that God has instilled in me, and the personality that I have, no matter how hard it might be.. He will always strengthen me.

my love for children

i've really noticed that my love for children has played a huge part in my life.

from an early age, i helped out at church, be it in nursery or VBS (vacation bible school).

i babysat
i always wanted to be around kids, to care for them, to hug them, to make them laugh, to play with them, anything..

and now i'm taking that into parenting my own children.. and looking over the children who play in the park behind our house, as well. and keeping my eye out for neighbor kids.

and also as a missionary to Romania, my main focus there has been the kids.. loving on them, helping them in any way

i've also felt led to help in the church nursery lately, so i'll be taking that on starting next week.

......
i truly believe this is one of the gifts God gave me. and i'm glad to use it in any way that i can

ready for change?

as some of you know, this year i've been feeling like this is going to be a big year of change. 

1. we finally have 2 years of business records on file for taxes, so we were able to get a bank approved loan for a potential home. 

2. we can actually start looking at a new home.. so we're just taking it slow, getting our feet wet, seeing what's out there. 

3. i've been working on getting my sewing business back to where it was a few years ago before the renovation here at the apartments we live in. (i had to close for 3 months, and that hurt pretty bad. i basically took a nose dive.)

4. i'm realizing that even though i LOVE my retail job, the floating hours, being on my feet a lot, and the need for a higher paycheck is leading me to check out the job market. so i'm also searching to see if there's another place God would rather have me be. 

5. i'm feeling the need to help in church again, but i'm not feeling led to use my voice on stage like i did for the first 30 years of my life. that part of me is still on hiatus, but i'm loving the fact that i can search the rest of my heart for other areas i can helpful. i've basically landed on the fact that my love for children/babies can be useful working in the nursery. 

so for me, for US (my family), this year looks like it's shaping up to be amazing and life-changing. 

God has been working in us over the past few years, helping us get back on our feet, learning humility, trust and strength that only comes from Him. so now, after being where we are for the past 6 years.. i believe it's time to move on and move up. 

....

footnote: i generally don't like change, it takes me a while to get used to something new. but i actually feel ready for this. 

put us where you want/need us, God. you'll help me with that. you already have. 

words of affirmation

well, i didn't get the position i applied for at work.
i interviewed for it a week ago.

but, i got a great response from my boss.

whereas this position might not be right for me, she said she commended me on my work at Customer Service.
since i was sort of thrown into it before the holiday season hit in the fall, i have sort of morphed into a great customer service rep, and have really made this position my own.

.....
also, i got a LOT of comments on my new capri pants. :)
i got them last year on clearance for $3 at the end of the season. it was my first time wearing them.
(white cotton background with blue denim flower print all over)

....
also a friend of mine dropped in while i was working and made a comment on my nails, and then proceeded to ask me to do hers :)
we have a date this evening :D so exciting!

....
i also got a compliment from my husband this evening when we were checking a map to see where the border between two states was, and i pointed out the dotted line that went behind a bunch of roads and the river.


it's been a day of positive affirmation for me. :)
thank you God for the wonderful people around me, and the ability to be lifted up by them, and not let it effect my humility.

you gotta take the good with the bad..

bad things about me:
-i'm terrible at parking
-i'm not very good at cleaning, i have to make myself do it, and half the time i leave something laying where it shouldn't be
-i yell at my kids
-i beat myself up.. a lot
-my communication skills aren't that good.. i would rather write to someone or just totally avoid, instead of seeing someone in person to tell them something. i don't like publicly speaking if i don't have to
-too many times, i let people walk on me


good things about me:
-i'm a good mom
-i'm a bargain hunter
-when i love, i love with all of me
-i'm faithful to a fault
-i love healthy food
-i love having the opportunity to stay fit
-i see my glass as half full
-i can easily emotionally connect to someone and empathize
-i'm a good seamstress :) my mama taught my well
-i'm tolerant


the thing is.. i can make this list all day long.. but it's not going to matter.
God doesn't care about it.
He doesn't make lists.
He tells me "child.. i made you. i made you in MY image. you are perfect because i'm your Creator. and all the bad things you think about yourself.. are nonsense. the Devil came to steal, kill and destroy.. I came to give life eternal. believe in Me, trust in Me.. and I will show you how perfect you are to Me."

why my business.. is my business.

i need to remind myself that people buy from my store.. because it's my store.
let me get into more detail.

sometimes i get into a funk and start thinking.. what can i do to get more sales? why am i NOT getting more sales? do i need to change something? what's the fad right now.. should i go with that?.. all these thoughts go through my head, and more.

but then i have to stop.
and think.
and remember..
the reason this is my store in the first place.

the things that i come up with in my own creative mind.. my artistic flair.. is why my business IS.
God gave me a special vision, a different way to look at things.
i can see the possibilities in materials before i even have them both in my hands.

so this, THIS, is why it's my store.

and this is why people buy from me.

i have a unique artistic vision, and i do great quality work.

feeling proud.. and slightly giddy

i just saw 152.5 on the scale. i'm not even trying to lost weight. a year or so ago i was doing this to lose weight and lose inches.. i was just plugging away working out at home by myself.. i actually saw 149 on the scale at one point. but i got back into my normal routine and went back up to 157 easily. i am not taking into account that i don't have the time that i used to, and i'm trying different exercises that i know are better for my core and easier on my joints.. and i've been more enjoying the journey as i go. so doing this just in my EVERYDAY, including keeping my eating habits in check, splurging on treats for myself more than i should (lol) and just in general trying to keep myself healthy, strong and flexible. this is a huge accomplishment for me smile emotico

hair journey #1

well.. i've had bangs forever.. my husband loves them, and they're fairly easy to maintain, not including the fact that they look good on me. so i've kept them for a very, VERY, long time.

but, a couple months ago, my husband asked if i would WANT to grow them out, how long would i go.. and i got the chance to play around with them! i've found out that i DO like them, i like the way they look, i like they're more feminine.. but i don't like that they keep falling in my face, even if i use hair spray, they just won't stay. so last night.. i said good-bye to long bangs.
TADA!

moving on.. learning more.. business

i would like to get to the next level.. but it's scary.. trying to push myself, but that fear of the unknown, and fear of criticism.. it kills me

i'm pushing myself a bit in raising some of my prices, taking some chances with the new product rolling out.

creating a work-around so i can still make mama cloth for USA ladies.

i don't have self confidence. i'm really a very non-confident person. i'm afraid of confrontation, i'm afraid of what people will think of me, of my creations.. will want to change how i do things..

i'm not good with change.

this is what i'm working through..

i might be meeting someone in the "fashion world", i might be taking a sewing class, i might be learning some new things through a website..
it's my self-confidence, self-worth and fear of change that is getting in my way.

all sins are equal

i was reminded last night that no sin is small than another.
so many times i think badly of other people at customer service having drinks other than water, because we're not supposed to.

today i was a bit hungry and i bought a candy bar just in time to clock in, and i debated taking it with me.. and i did. i took it with me though i shouldn't have. and my manager saw me with a mouthful and laughingly said "busted!".

Sorry Lord, for falling into temptation, and breaking a rule, no matter how small.

my place in time.

i feel like i'm in a really good place right now..
i feel like working at Kohls at Customer Service..
rebuilding my business, and changing it a bit..
partnering with my husband in his business venture..

learning new things about myself..
taking control of my health..
learning more about my kids and how i can help them daily..

building on my relationship with my husband..
and growing in my faith in God..

changing some things about our finances..
looking at a possible address change..

this is a great place and time for me.
for my family.

i feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be.

what I want to do..

i've been realizing more and more that there are things that i just really want to do before I meet my maker. 

i guess a "bucket list" sort of mentality. 

and i have already been checking some of these things off! :) 

i wanted a cartilege piercing in my ear.. did it in high school. 

i wanted to pierce a hole in my own ear.. did it in high school. 

i wanted to play an instrument really well.. did it in high school. 

but there are more things that i'm able to do now that i'm a bit older. 

wanted to color my hair.. i've slightly done it ;) lol. 

i swore i would never bleach my hair.. but i'm thinking it might be fun just to bleach the tips and ad some fun color to it. 

i might actually break my "no bleaching" rule. 

i wanted to get a nose ring.. did it 4 years ago.  

i wanted to travel and go on mission trips.. have been able to do both of those together 3 times now.. and i'm about to do it again.  

i'm still trying to get my first tattoo.. and now i want TWO. lol. planning at least one this summer. 

i wanted to lose my baby weight.. started working at that 3 years ago.. the weight is off, now just trying to continually maintain that. and i'm feeling better now that i'm in a smaller size. :) 

i would like a real diamond ring.. it's coming. ;) not sure how soon, but it's coming. 

i wanted to have and drive a purple Harley Davidson.. i got it last year, and i've driven it quite a bit. SUPER proud of myself for that one.. got a good deal, made a new friend, and i'm conquering a fear at the same time. and i don't have to worry about getting in an accident with it.. i've already done that HAHA. :) (slid going around a corner and landed in a muddy ditch.. don't worry, no harm was done. AND i've tipped it a time or two.. dang balance)

i want to visit Alaska. 

i want to go on a cruise. 

i want to zip-line. 

i want to climb a rock wall.

i want to go to a bed and breakfast.

i want to have a $0 balance on my Kohls charge card.. it's happening next month :D only 16 more days and i can buy something HAHA. 

i want to look in a bikini, even if i never wear one in public. (totally personal thing, but hey, it's important for ME to feel that.)

i want a purple and silver coach purse.

i want to go to Florida.. once. lol. 

i want to vacation in Italy. 

i want to go to Jerusalem and see some of the placed Jesus was. 

i want to make a really fancy dress for one of my girls.

and the main thing, during all of this, i want to live a Godly life.. 

there are some things that i want to do only because of my sinful nature.. those things can just go burn in hell. 

i'm stronger than that. 

it's a GOOD DAY..

Feb 28, 2015 started out with me getting a good nights rest :)
ironically, i didn't get to bed until 1 am because i closed at Kohls (didn't leave until 11:30).

had a yummy cup of coffee, didn't feel rushed before church..
had a great service
and even though Jazmine's boots officially have to be donated to goodwill (they were leaking and wet and are terribly unsupportive).. she was a trooper :)

Enjoyed some conversation and cookies after service
then went to drop off all our recycling (plastics, paper, cardboard).
headed to Tecumseh to the Harley place.. didn't buy anything! (GOOD FOR US!)
Brian tried on some boots, the girls enjoyed trying on some headbands and hats, i tried on some gloves to get an idea (i'll need some this summer).

Went to the gas station and filled up our popcorn buckets, then headed to the grocery store to fill up our cupboards. ;)

had a great time with lunch together, then Livy and I sat together on the couch and just cuddled and rested (she played with a nail art app on the iPad while i closed my eyes).

i got up and fixed brian's gloves while she started making a book "Livy's Animals".

had some dinner and left for work..
a VERY SLOW night at work.. didn't leave until 9:30 (closed)
and came home for some chips and tea, then went to bed when i felt tired.. instead of trying to stay up too long because it's nice and quiet! ;)

and praise God, my body didn't feel sore or tired or in pain.. i couldn't have asked for a better 24 hours ;)

so unscheduled and unplanned

well it started last night, when we got the 2 hour delay call for school

i didn't sleep well
then we got the call this morning that school was canceled.

- started my day with my kids at home.. automatic "probably not going to get done what i planned on"
- i started later than i wanted to
- i had to have a talk with my oldest daughter about her pill, because she tried to get away from the table with it under her tongue, not down her throat.
- a friend of mine, out of the blue, asked if she could come over and chat for a bit.. and bribed me with starbucks.. so i said yes.
- i got the laundry folded and the dishes done.. i feel like that's all i did. :(
- i felt rushed when i left
- Jazmine forgot her glasses, so i had to run back for them
- had to stop at the gas station and get our popcorn filled up, felt like it took forever for my 9 year old to go in and get it done (but she insisted on doing it herself).
- i got to husband's work, dropped off the kids, went to switch cars and accidentally pulled off the door handle, so had to take a second to look around the ground for anything i might have dropped
- got to work and found 2 holes in my sweater
- and my bangs kept falling in my face.

...............
didn't get done
- i planned on stocking the breast pads in my store
- i planned on sewing more kids clothes
- i planned on moving some product to a different area in my online store
- and planned on cleaning up my sewing table
..............

i'm not glad i didn't get the day i planned..
but i'm not sad about it either.

c'est la vie- as is life.

things change
gotta roll with it
and i'm glad i got to talk to my friend.. we just reconnected after 14 years

migraines.

"Migraines occur most often in adults between 20 and 50 years old. They’re three times more common in women than men, although doctors don’t understand why. Experts say hormones play a role.

Many women have migraine attacks around the time of their menstrual periods or find their attacks are more severe then."

really?

it takes an expert to say that hormones play a role in the fact that women get more migraines than men? i could have told you that.. 

hormones play a role in pretty much EVERYthing that happens to women.. it's basically common knowledge. 

oh wait.. common knowledge isn't very common.. forgot about that. 

.....

at least i have my migraine triggers narrowed down.. 

barometric pressure and not enough sleep. 

i knew it was going to happen when i saw that the temp was going to change at least 15 degrees today. 

basically.. funny ;)

Funny thing i just figured out about myself. i have a fetish for socks, tights and undies. lol. every time i see one on clearance for $3 or less, i want to buy it. fortunately, my drawer is only so big, so i can't, but i found this humorous.

i have a fetish for the basics. LOL
when most people say they don't want socks and underwear for christmas.. well i do HAHA.

give thanks in everything

today's going to be a busy day. praise God for the busy-ness that comes with having a family. 

laundry to fold- thank you God for the blessing of a washer and dryer, and my hands that were made to serve my family in this way. 

exercise- thank you God for a body that is intact, and the ability to keep myself healthy.
shipping- thank you God for the blessing of my business, to be able to create a product at a price that is good for everyone. and thank you for the gift of enjoyment, even though motorcycle helmets get recalled, there is a blessing in that as well- it's happening in winter. wink emoticon i can have a new helmet by spring!
Jazmine's glasses- thank you God for eye doctors and the ability to know when you need help.
Alivia and Brian, dance- thank you God for the love of a father to his daughter, and that the blessing is mine to be able to see this unfold.
IEP meeting- thank you God for the blessing of wonderful teachers who care about their students, and spend the time to help each and every one succeed.
Alivia's overnight at her best friends house- thank you God for the fellowship of friends. without them, our lives wouldn't be as full.

getting older.. and slightly wiser

well.. for the most part.. I can take things day to day. sometimes i'm more sore, sometimes there's too much in my brain.. but I can kind of roll with it.

But sometimes.. I can't. sometimes I feel too overwhelmed, or too tired, or just.. old. (which is ironic, but in general i don't feel old.. just tired.)

there are days that i just don't want to exercise.. because that requires me sweating and then, in the end, i have to make time for a shower.. which, let's face it, sometimes we just really don't feel like showering.

.....
then again there's that part of you that says.. "hey! it's ok to not do anything today"
or
"hey! you don't HAVE to go to the gym JUST because you have time for it"

yes, i have extra time here and there.. sometimes, i'm not sure what to do with it, so i waste it. just spend it doing non-sensical stuff.. like scrolling mindlessly through facebook, or...

but i just used SOME of that time to read my Bible, and print off some coupons, because let's face it.. it's so much fun to use coupons.
it really is a high.. to take them to the store, after you've carefully matched them up with the sales.. and when you're all done, you have bags of items that you know you'll use, and you're proud that you spent less money than you usually do. ;)

.....
but let's also face the facts that we ARE getting older. and our body's ARE NOT holding up like they used to.
we do have to take care of ourselves, or we will fall apart.

I can't keep in touch with friends like i used to, because on top of being a mom (which in and of itself is a huge hurdle to jump every day), running my own business, getting to the gym when i can, working at Kohls, making sure that I feel like i did SOMETHING productive each day.. we just can't find time for everything in 24 hours. Thank goodness for the day called "tomorrow".

which, in reality, may or may not come. we are not promised tomorrow.. God will take us when He feels our work here is done.
So please..

try not to cram every waking hour with something to do..
try your best to keep yourself healthy..
try to just do what you can as a parent to hopefully lead your children to a better tomorrow..
because really..

running ourselves ragged makes no sense.

trusting in God does.
because when we rely on Him, get ourselves out of our own way, and say "hey God, i'm only human, please take the wheel.. i'll follow You're lead".
trusting God.. makes life so much more worth it.