Q&A format.
Who are your friends?
(information omitted because this is personal)
Why are they your friend?
(information omitted because this is personal)
What are the things that someone does to be friendly?
Smile and say hi. Be genuinely interested in the other person. Attempt to keep in contact/check up.
How do you make friends?
Say hi, and/or compliment something I see about them. Try to strike up a conversation based on where we are and/or facts that I've gathered.
Why do we have friend?
So we don't feel alone, or so we have someone to do life with.
What makes you a good friend?
Generally, i'm open to helping. I'm giving, i'm mostly honest, non-judgmental and I attempt to communicate.
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The only thing I had to base relationships off was my parents kissing in the kitchen sometimes, or my books (romances) that I would read.
I remember being on the swings or 4-square a lot. Either content to be by myself, or trying to fit in. (feeling like I shouldn't be playing because it was for the popular kids).
I remember going over to someone's house sometimes, when we carpooled, but never feeling comfortable there, and was glad when my mom came.
Even now, i'll do things sometimes to just give in and be cool with my kids, and find out from my husband later that what I did was wrong.
As a teen I had a few people I could call friends, not really anyone who was super close. I had friends at church and grandma's and ladies my moms age.
I loved computer class, newspaper, band, choir and art.
NOW
- social anxiety and paranoia
- hard to maintain friendships
- have a hard time associating with colleagues as friendships.
- shy and timid (i mask a lot)
- it's hard for me to persuade other people.
- hard or impossible for me to change a decision
- an aversion to being interrupted
- i have to complete things
- i tend to avoid demands
- i stick to my way of doing things, i don't know other ways to do them, and it's hard for me to learn
- develop a different form of self-consciousness (i'm introspective and quasi-philosophical)
- think something is embarrassing but to normal people it's not. (they didn't know it would be embarassing)
- low self-esteem and get tired/exhausted quickly because of the effort it takes
- problems with perception and regulation of emotion
when i'm asking to repeat a facial expression, i can' because i'm not feeling that emotion
people with Aspergers/high functioning autism prefer a practical action, IE getting tissues if someone if sniffling or crying. Suggesting a hug but not knowing why, it just seems right, making tea or leaving alone.
-25% of adults with Aspergers also have OCD.
I interrupt people a lot. Sometimes my daughter tells me to not talk until she's done because she's used to it.
- pedantic speech: overly formal and pretentious. providing too much information, emphasizing rules and minor details.
"those aren't bins, they are wicker baskets." it's not meant to be offensive, we just live with specifics. we aren't correcting you, we are verbally making sure we know what you're talking about. (like a verbal stim. we need to have the facts, and sometimes we say them out loud to emphasize them in our minds. we need to hear them, even if it's coming from ourselves.)
using people's official names instead of nicknames. (like me Cami = Camella. Asking people's real names and/or preferences.)
- trying to listen to one voice in a room of many is difficult, especially if it's about the same topic.
trouble processing auditory information.
*sometimes unable to hear more than a word or two of a conversation. then have to asks questions to fill in the rest.
*start to get blurry eyed or voice distortion during class so we couldn't focus.
(zoning out and not meaning to)
taking notes helps to not tune out or fall asleep, not because the topic of the speaker are disinteresting, its just so easy for me to disconnect and miss things.
- should problems become apparent, perhaps appearing as "selective deafness", then it is I'm portent for a speech pathologist or audiologist to assess the persons skills with the cortical processing of auditory information. This is not strictly a hearing problem but a problem with how the brain works.
unfortunately, children with Aspergers syndrome can be reluctant to seek help because of a fear being considered stupid or annoying to the adult.
YES! THIS WAS ME!
- people with Aspergers frequently are "lost for words".
*one of the most frustrating things about autism is that it is very difficult to explain how you are feeling.
even if you tell someone if something frightens you, you can't speak when the frightening thing is happening.
- high levels of anxiety can block anything from being remember or spoken or the ability to think. "mutism" occurs.
- we may enjoy or even excel at learning foreign languages, but they may not be memorized very well, since it's hard enough already to decode our own language effectively.
THIS IS WHY I ENJOYED SPANISH CLASS BUT I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS LEARNING.
- autistic children are very clever but fail mostly at test taking.
YUP
- remembering and arranging facts in a systemic fashion.
- can also be distracted in the classroom and appears to be able to problem solve a certain way and a heightened fear of failure.
- not following advice or learning from mistakes.
- genuine difficulty understanding concepts, a problem with the hard wiring of the brain.
- problems with attention either being unfocused or hyper focused.
long projects need to be broken down.
I WOULD ALWAYS BREAK DOWN BIG PROJECTS INTO DOABLE PIECES.
quiet space alone with be helpful.
I DID 90% OF MY HOMEWORK IN MY ROOM, WHERE NOBODY WOULD BOTHER ME
If there is also ADD diagnosed, medication might be helpful.
Executive function
- organization and planning abilities
- working memory
- inhabitation and impulse control
- self-reflection and self-monitoring
- time management and prioritizing concepts
- understanding complex or abstract
- using new strategies
- more adolescent and adults have impaired executive function.
*difficulty with mental recall and academic tasks
*tendency to forget quickly. probably why they interrupt.
*difficulty problem solving.
*difficulty with flexible thinking
*less likely to learn from their mistakes, even when they know its wrong. "this is right way to solve the problem, why isn't it working?"
*age-appropriate expectations. (I don't feel like i'm a 36 year old mom of 3 who should have a job and be able to drive anywhere or be able to buy alcohol. I feel young and naive like i'm their babysitter.)
- "without appropriate support, the person may feel like he is drowning in a million different sub-tasks." many of us have trouble prioritizing and organizing tasks (personal communication). communicating with myself, being criticized for being disorganized (I organize my own way).
- may also become depressed in situations that do not provide opportunity for meant rehearsal or preparation for change. Spontaneous change can create considerable confusion and anxiety.
- sometimes unable to make a decision between multiple things or instance that they find they enjoy. like deciding between going to the park or going to the library.
- without support in school, this child wouldn't achieve the grades that reflect his or her actual abilities.
NODS
- can provide correct answers but cannot easily describe the mental process it took to get there.
- typical people will remember who was there, what the topic was, their emotions. Autistics remember what others would consider trivial or irrelevant details. (IE colors the flowers, did they have a pet, a lady's dress or jewelry, something unique about the front door.)
- remember directions and places they've been. photographic and eidetic memory helps recalling these events.
THIS IS WHY I TAKE PHOTOS TO REMEMBER THINGS
- sensitivity to the personality of the teacher. they can be taught but only by those who give them understanding and genuine affection.
- it's important to avoid sarcasm with children, because they will interpret it literally.
- enjoy having access to a computer, very tech happy, but don't accept change easily.
- tendency to have a closed mind to alternative strategies and determination ro pursue a particular approach. might be beneficial to be shown a possible plan B.
- special consideration should be given to someone's strengths and weaknesses. visual versus verbal, etc.
- IQ may be higher than average (130). May be labeled as gifted or talented. This may be a blessing (naivety and eccentricity being accepted and flourishing in technological or research careers) or disadvantages.
- more socially and emotionally immature than their peers, but advanced intellectual maturity.
IE the nerds who get picked on for not fitting in.
Have a conceptual capacity beyond what we can manage emotionally.
- proprioception problems and disassociation. a disconnect between the body and the brain, and trouble balancing and engaging.
- fascination with handwriting and calligraphy.
encourage them to use a keyboard, computer and printer.
Involuntary motor tics:
MINE ARE- facial grimacing, nose twitch, head nodding, biting lip, touching things
- sensory: lights- fluorescent, noises- too many voices and sounds, hyper-vigilant, anxious, shell shocked, always on edge
hyper-sensitivity
unusal sensroy processing
sounds sensitivity- things sound "sharp"
THIS IS WHY I WEAR HEADPHONES
- tactile sensitivity- touch, hug, etc
- sensitivity to taste and smell, canned foods and veggies (they're slimy), I like lumpy potatoes, not smooth. mixed veggies are nasty. i can't taste each veggie, they all taste like each other.
- college can be overwhelming, no direction, stress, lack of support.
VERY
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