Sunday, April 5, 2020

when I decided to do it my way

back story- my family is full of talent.
my older brother is a pastor, a singer, plays guitar and 

my younger sister sings and plays guitar

my mom and dad have both been in praise teams and choirs

and I also have a good voice and have sang on praise teams, gone on mission trips that required singing and dancing

but when I try to do what they do, it feels forced. 
and it isn't generally taken the same
and I'm coming to find out
that I'm trying to do what they do
and that's not what I'm called to do

I'm better at speaking words that are placed on my heart
than singing
I'm better at spreading word through social media, graphics, creativity
those are my blessings from God

I'm just so used to trying to do what other people do
that I forget and lose the path that God gave me

when I conform to the "normal" of other people
He can't speak through me the way He wants to

He has called me to do other things
because I am not those people

Reminding myself that God gave me a talent for words
that others don't have

and He wants to speak to others through  them

remember Cami
God made you unique 
He didn't make you like others
He  made you.. you
-----
this is rooted in my "always want to be acceptable" pain
being autistic, I'm unacceptable.. but to whom?

I'm created and accepted by God, just as I am
praise Him

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