Real life questions, topics, inspiration, and my personal faith and chronic illness journey.
Sunday, November 6, 2022
Procrastination, laziness.. or executive dysfunction problems?
Tuesday, October 4, 2022
sense of pride and accomplishment
I thought we weren't supposed to feel pride?
Trauma and invalidation
Do you feel loved? What does it feel like?
Love -
Expectations.. but which ones?
I ran across this in an email lately, and it stopped me. I'm generally someone who thinks things through a lot and ruminates (for lack of a better word) so I can understand to the best of my ability before I move on. I try my best to connect things to the dots of my life so I can grasp them in a personal way. Otherwise, I tend to lose what I just read and move on with my day and none of it sticks.
When it comes to a topic like expectations... I've dealt with this hugely my entire life. Whether it's other people expecting such and such from me, or me learning to expect such and such from myself, or not expecting enough in a given situation... I've learned quite a bit to internalize the action of not having expectations because the act of anticipating or predicting and then having that not met has always thrown some type of negative bend on where I'm headed or what I'm going through.. because "expectations" are a trauma trigger for me. This is also why I don't like to try and guess things or be surprised by anything that could lend fear or hurt to my insides.
So how do we decide or learn to have GOOD expectations? or positive vs negative.. or just OPEN expectations? Is this possible?
I will most likely struggle with the concept of expectations my entire life.
starting with a definition...
Tuesday, September 20, 2022
What they don't see.. from the outside of me
Sunday, September 18, 2022
How are we supposed to live?
Saturday, September 10, 2022
I have to persevere, I can't give up.. even though..
Colossians 2
What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder? Just "normal anxiety"?
I would rather.. good vs.. not good?
This doesn’t just go for people, this also goes for things in your life. Even if it’s good things, if there’s too many good things, it can also lead to frustration. I would rather adjust to having less things (even though they are good things) than to have so many that stress me out. Because then, it's not a good thing.
I get it now “thinking in photos “
Friday, September 9, 2022
Deuteronomy - the occult
In the bucket
Saturday, August 20, 2022
why are there so many religions?
My Autism - talking in person versus online
My Autism - if you accept me, you have to believe me
Monday, August 8, 2022
Jonah and Jesus- compare
I've thought about this before, but really just in passing. This time I figured I would actually study it a bit and share my findings.
https://www.gotquestions.org/sign-of-Jonah.html
read more about what's down below \/
- Jonah spent three days inside the belly of a great fish because of his own sinfulness and rebellion. Jesus spent three days inside the belly of the earth because of our sin and rebellion.
- Jonah ran from the difficult calling God gave Him (Jonah 1:3). Jesus perfectly obeyed the Father’s will, coming to earth and dying on the cross.
- Jonah was asleep on the ship during a storm caused by his own disobedience (Jonah 1:4-12). Jesus slept on a boat during a storm, and “rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” (Mark 4:35-41). Jonah caused a storm. Jesus had authority over the storm.
- Jonah feared the Creator who had authority on earth (Jonah 1:9). Jesus is the Creator with all authority over heaven and earth (John 1:3; Matthew 28:18).
- In the fish, Jonah knew that “Salvation belongs to the Lord” (Jonah 2:9). Jesus’ name means “Yahweh saves.” Jesus is the way of salvation (Hebrews 5:9; Acts 4:12).
- Jonah became angry with God for showing grace toward repentant sinners (Jonah 4:2). Jesus modeled God’s grace toward repentant sinners (Romans 3:24).
- Jonah was angry enough to die because of God’s grace toward his enemies (Jonah 4:3). Jesus was compassionate enough to die because of His love for his enemies (Romans 5:10).
What's important..
Because I'm autistic.
Thursday, July 21, 2022
Struggle
I always fear that I will fail. And I don’t even always know what i’m failing at.
I live my life on the edge, constant anxiety, because there’s always something I feel could go wrong, and it’ll be my fault.
I feel guilty when there is nothing to feel guilty about.
I push through my fears to try to be “normal” or fit in, even though i’m pretty sure i’m not supposed to fit in. I’m just supposed to be me.
Still on that lifelong journey of finding out who that is. Because I change
Monday, July 4, 2022
Neurodiversity and purity.. NOT naïveté
I am reading a book called "Autism and the God Connection" and it's been so dead on, explaining a lot of my own experiences. I wanted to share with you some snippets and one major realization for me... people who are neurodiverse (meaning: born with their minds wired a bit different than usual) are not naive. They/I see things around me, see things happening, and own our life experiences and things we've gone through and witnessed. We have a sense of not being tarnished by those things. Because we have a mind that is separated in a way from reality, a brain that doesn't understand why humankind is the way it is. We don't feel like we are part of the physical earth we live in, there's always a sense of "out of body" for us. Probably why pain and death aren't a big deal for us, because the material isn't as important as immaterial. I might not even be explaining this very well.. just go ahead and read the snippets I'm laying out for you.
yes, I am closed minded. And here’s why.
I used to try to be more open-minded, and here's what I found.. this is my experience.
Thursday, June 16, 2022
Greener on the other side?
Wednesday, June 15, 2022
that sounds chaotic…
"Do as I say, not as I do"
Tuesday, June 14, 2022
Monday, May 30, 2022
Jesus was fully God AND fully man
using echolalia as a means of communication
did I just jinx myself?
Saturday, May 28, 2022
when I say “it’s because I’m autistic“ what I mean is..
I'm trying to say something but it's not coming out right, or my brain is working to come up with a certain word and it's not forming and I'm frustrated. I feel the need to explain myself.. even if the need isn't for you, it's for me, I might tell you "I'm having a hard time because I'm autistic".
I may look like I'm doing something that looks weird to you and I can tell it might not be a normal or socially acceptable thing.. and I didn't realize this before I did it, I just did it because to me, it's normal. "It's because I'm autistic."
I might be stimming in public and you don't know why I'm making a certain movement or being giggly like a child, or getting excited over something you dub ridiculous or superficial. "It's because I'm autistic."
I say it because I feel like you need an explanation, or I need to explain because I probably look odd and you look quizzical.
Autism is not an excuse. It's an explanation. :) It's a reason. It's a lifestyle that doesn't look like yours. It's different and, believe it or not, it's complementary to the rest of the world, because it keeps up a little bit younger and more expressive and holds so many different views from the norm.
Understand us instead of ignoring or walking away from us. Accept us instead of calling us weirdos. We don't need rejection, we need you to be open to other possibilities.
Don't be embarrassed by us, be proud of us.
Misunderstood
I do not wish to be healed.
And WHERE do you think you're going?
understanding each other
what some would call “awareness “
Sunday, May 22, 2022
Blessed are..
Using scripture like a Bop-It
Saturday, May 21, 2022
The saga of the toilet paper tail
So, there's only one male in this house..