self-esteem

i'm smart
athletic
great hair
listener
loving
honest
willing
hard working
generous
writer
good mother
organized
crafty
creative
researcher
non-judgmental


what do I think of myself?
----

This is hard

Self esteem is something I've struggled with all my life

I don't want to think too much of myself lest I sound vain
But I don't want to think too little of myself lest I sound suicidal

Always a struggle

If I think i'm pretty, I have a hard time allowing myself tell myself that

If I feel strong or I feel good about myself in some way, I try not to say it out loud, because I feel like i'm fishing for compliments, but really, i'm helping myself feel more confident by allowing other people to agree with that I think about myself.

It's harder, I think, because I grew up not knowing really who I was or where I was supposed to fit in, so i'd try to be like other people, and never really knew who me was. And when I finally did just try to be me, it was this very sporadic flash of color and materials and very odd funky concept of a human.

Self Esteem, I feel...
it's hard enough to have a positive view of yourself when you have other things like magazines and tv and peers and other voices besides your own always weighing in on what they think and giving their opinions.
And then you add on things like neurodiversity instead of neurotypicality.