you have no idea what’s it’s like

To have to drag yourself out of bed

Drag yourself through your chores 

Laying down on the floor and still feeling the need to collapse 

Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, Depression on the job (getting a break in between filming)

Not allowing yourself to feel because if you do you’re going to fall apart and sob for hours, and there’s no time for that and you sure don’t want people to see the after effects of wiping the drip-page from your nose and red swollen eyes. Part of you begs to cover them with makeup, even though no amount of it will mask the rings and the redness in your eyes. Another part of you wants to scream and cry standing outside with your arms wide open, drenched in rain, allowing everything to be freed from your wretched body. But there is no freedom from this chronic life. 

People keep saying you have to roll with it or they wish they could help or that positive thinking will help. 

It’s so hard to not want to punch them in the face because their intentions are good.

It's also a kindness and a relief when someone sees your braces and says "you have bad knees?". Thank you for being concerned. :) "I have bad everything, but i'm used to it. I have a genetic condition, so i'm used to living with it." the "oh, i'm sorry" that follows feels genuine. I'm grateful when people ask to learn, instead of asking because they're just nosy or curious. Please don't pity me. Let me do what i'm doing and don't worry about it.

Enjoy your life, and let me do the best to get through mine.
Thank you for being here and taking time to hear me.
You just gave me a piece of your time, and that's priceless.