I bet the title caught your attention, huh?
I will be referencing this web post, just so you know. Crosswalk is an awesome organization, chock full of great information, and hits the nail on the head in so many ways, on so many different topics. I recommend you read the link, it covers much more than I do. But they do a MUCH better job of it, too. :)
https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/relationships/why-christian-marriages-need-more-sex-than-ever.html
Physical touch in marriage is essential!
We are feeling more and more entitled to our own body's and us, me, mine.. consent is good. But it's being twisted. And more marriages are falling apart.
That's what this blog post is about.
Physical touch, sex, intimacy and marriage.
The way God designed it.
The way I grew up was that sex is bad. Don't do it. So starting out life by telling kids that sex is bad.. is bad. Sex isn't bad. Sex is good. It feels good, it's meant for pleasure and for reproduction. God made it perfect.. when used correctly. That's right I said used. Sex is a pleasurable use of our bodies. It can even be called a tool, at times. A tool to show love, respect, appreciation, passion, partnership, connection.. and more!
But tools can be used the wrong way.
And just like a hand tool, if you do use it properly, it can be broken, and cause disaster.
Let me touch on that teaching kids thing, again. And we SHOULD! We NEED TO! Teaching our kids about physical intimacy is critical because of the schools they grow up in, the other people that are involved in their lives, situations they will find themselves in. They need to know things, they need to learn about how God created intimacy, what it's for, and how to protect themselves against anyone who would defile the perfection of God's plan for them.
note: HANDS! OFF!
Self defense classes, how to use mace or pepper spray. But also how to have healthy relationships, how to be confident in who they are and what they believe in.
In Genesis, God literally sanctified marriage, saying that the man and the woman should leave their parents and cleave to each other and build their own household.
Sex in marriage brings the two people together to become one flesh. That's how it was created.
In a marriage relationship, each person is to give the other all of themselves. It's not a 50/50 commitment, it's a 100/100 commitment. You can't give the other person parts of yourself, and leave the rest out of the relationship. If you are not fully capable of committing 100% to a relationship, you should not be married.
Our bodies are each others, our minds are each others. We are supposed to be open books with each other. Now believe me, I have my fair share of trouble with this. It's very hard for me to be open and honest completely. It's also very hard for me to allow my husband to touch me whenever he wants. There are definitely boundaries, and having respect for each other; at no time should anybody feel like they have to "put up with" something that makes them uncomfortable or afraid. This is why communication is so important.
I have autism so there's a whole different book of learning there. BUT when you're in relationships, these are things we learn about each other! And we do change over time as well! WE ALL DO! Being with each other and learning about each other all life long is an amazing journey, and it's a privilege we get to have as married couples.
Another reason to be 100% ready before you jump in. :) Not trying to change the other person, but loving them wholly as they are. Accepting them, flaws and all, and wanting to grow along with them.
Now, there is also a difference between having sex and making love. Yes, sometimes it can feel like "ugh, fine, i'll have sex with you" because intimacy is not all about us. It's about the other person and what they need and want as well. But there are times where that intimacy can also be mind-blowing and you can spend time alone and have the best connection, and making love is just... unfathomable, in the best way.
Enter also the life of chronic illness. Like I said, along lifes road, there will be things to learn about each other constantly, and love live changes will be part of that. If you have to find new ways of being intimate, that's ok!
Now i'm definitely NOT saying to introduce things like porn, erotica, any other non-biblical stimuli. There is absolutely no place for these in a Christian marriage. They are stumbling blocks, and there is no way at all we are to submit one another to anything that could make us stumble.. physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically or other. But using things like maybe a book of sex positions or toys, or things that can heighten the physical feeling if used by the other partner.. there ARE many ways to enhance a biblical marriage.
Heck.. lay naked beside each other and read Song of Solomon. ;) Or play "STRIP song of songs"!
Physical attraction as well will change over time!
Let's be real.. we will not always think each other is attractive. Our bodies get older and wrinklier and start resembling dried fruit. That's another reason for other levels of the relationship to be deeply connected. Sometimes it's going to be more about what the other person says to us, or maybe the way our hands connect, or just the way we look at each other. Or even just close your eyes and feel their lips on yours.
And we can do this more than once! We can do this over, and over, and over, and.. over.. and.. (you get the point). Have fun with it! When you're married, there are going to be countless times and countless way you can show each other physical intimacy before God decides to take you home. And He BLESSES the way you love each other!
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