long distance relationship attempt

When I was New York this past weekend for my uncles funeral, I saw an old friend of mine and gave him a big hug.

I remember looking forward to seeing him every year when we visited grandma for christmas. We just clicked.

As we got a little older, teenagers, i think we could both tell there was an attraction there. It was awkward but we were still friends.
For the last year or two of high school, we tried to make a long distance relationship work. We wrote back and forth, attempting to be cute and romantic, writing poetry for each other. I'm just hoping that I never broke his heart, because i'm not good at picking up on certain cues or reading things correctly.
The last time I went up there with my immediate family, Brian and I were dating. For some reason, I feel like I knew I would never really see Andrew again.
I feel like that's why I wanted to kiss him. We were all sitting in the car on the way to drop one of us off, and all the other siblings were egging it on, too. We looked at each other kind of cock-eyed like *sigh. why not. We are basically saying goodbye anyways.
So we did. We kissed, leaning across the car seats from each other. It was weird, awkward, wet, totally incorrectly timed, basically cementing the fact that we weren't meant to be.

Even now, though, I do have feelings for him. Kind of like bittersweet, "wish it would have worked out" kind of feelings, but also good knowing that he has a wife and kids and a good life. That's also why I have taken him and another guy friend off my Facebook. Because when you have a relationship with someone, a deep connection, that doesn't ever completely go away.

I think it might be different for me as well, knowing that deep connections don't happen for me like they do with other people.
As an autistic female, deep relationships don't ever break. When we do actually bond with someone on a more intimate level (intimate in different definitions of the term), there's a strand that's never broken.

But it was very good to see him and I made a bee-line to hug him. Not sure if that was appropriate, but whatever.