psychological life

chronic anxiety and depression.. my face doesn't show that. my face won't show that. not unless you see in my safe zone at home. 

it's pushing myself to do a chore everyday so i don't feel like a failure.
it's making sure my kids get to appointments and events on time so i feel a sense of accomplishment.
it's getting to bed time (if i can peel myself off the couch)- even if i'm laying in bed perusing my phone because i can't fall asleep even though i'm exhausted from my multiple chronic illnesses.
it's setting goals for myself like getting all the dishes done in a day.
it's asking for help when i just need to be by myself *tag, you're it, parent duty*
it's putting myself in my craft area and giving myself a timer and see what i can get my hands on in that time frame.
it's lighting a candle and getting dressed so i at least feel "ready" to do something with my day.
it's opening the door when the bus comes and breathing the fresh air, and sometimes stepping out there for a minute so i can listen to the sounds of the road, of the train, of the trees and animals waking up, the scents of the season.
it's sitting curled up with a cat and/or a snake and a blanket, because that's my happy place.
it's putting on a bit of makeup because then i feel a bit refreshed and presentable, even just to myself.
it's saying "ok God, you woke me up today. let me see something in it that means you're here". 

hard
exhausted
blessed
tired
numbing
mindless
pressing on
- looking forward to seeing my psychologist again this week, even though i dont feel like talking.