what disassociation feels like - in the midst of it

I generally am not as clear headed as this and able to write and put words to it while i'm experiencing this, so that's one reason i'm sharing the experiences with you.
Also the fact that it's very hard to explain disassociation to someone who doesn't know much about mental illness and the struggles that come with it.

I am a mother of 3, have been married since 2003.. and this is what a long (hours long, almost all day) episode of disassociation is like from the inside.

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I’m trying to feel awake enough to feel real

I don’t feel alive, I’m disassociative

People call me mom… But did I give them life? The only recollection I have of having babies is the three young people running around my house and my stretched out body

Things going on around me remind me that I’m responsible in someway. The things on my watch and my phone remind me but there’s some thing I have to do but what is it. Look at the screen

I’m sorry I fell asleep again… Is this real?

I touch a banana and it feels real, it seems real, and I’m going to assume that it will taste real. But it did in another world too

It seems like i'm a floating being, and there's a body that I exist in

That's the only way people can see me

Little bits here and there are like autopilot for my brain

I know what to do but it doesn't seem relevant or important

Yet it's necessary for some reason

Okay, well I did it. I felt connected to the world while i was doing it. And now i'm floating again.. now what?