combination of depression and executive function disorder

i sit here
my body melted to the seat
my mind rolls around things that i want to do
i want to walk 50 steps to the table and read my book about happiness
i started it this morning
and then fell asleep
i pushed myself through spot cleaning the bathroom
there are dishes in the sink soaking
so i have to do them
push
push

i'm not unhappy
i'm not sad
i'm depressed

feeling hungry
and sick to my stomach
unable to move

a depressed autistic
not knowing what to do with their time

i did my psychology homework
i have a plan for the day
but i'm stuck
i'm on my 3rd water bottle
so that's a positive
i'm hydrating
that's a success

at this point
peeling myself off this chair
while the ringing in my ears persists
and moving my feet towards the kitchen
feels like dragging myself through the mud

i got through my emails
that took a lot of effort
but i'm saving the links to read later
at least i organized a bit
my head feels full
but there's nothing there
my hands feel like weights
as i mindlessly click through my youtube saved videos
watch a small clip
delete
and move on
uninterested

my girls get home in 8 minutes
goal- dishes and make coffee
when they get home- goal
send them to work on their new stuff drawers
while i - goal- read a page or two.