i fill the sink with hot soapy water, and decided to try to wash them with my bare hands and the scrubby, the whole time in my mind, knowing "i should use the gloves" because i have a pair of gloves to use for dish washing.
they help my grip, because i tend to drop things, or my fingers will bend backward, or something.
i stick my hand back in the water "ow hot". in my mind "i really should get out the dish gloves" all the while still washing the dishes, dipping them quickly into the soapy water.
thinking i can just quickly grab something out of the water and the heat won't bother me as much.
after a couple dips, i can feel the blood pumping in the tips of my fingers.
i really need to wear my dish gloves!
dip in again, grabbing the silverware at the bottom, almost dropping them from the blood pumping through my fingers, PAINFULLY pumping.. it hurts. my blood pumping hurts.
i quickly stick my other hand down to the bottom and pull the plug.
all the while saying in my head "i really should have grabbed the dish gloves" that happen to be right underneath the sink, just a small door away.
------------
this is executive dysfunction. knowing what you should be doing, or what is right or wrong, but doing something else, knowing the whole time you shouldn't be doing it. but you can't make yourself stop, you have to finish what you're doing, the way you're doing it. once you're done, you regret it, and process what you've done.
mentally kicking yourself, and saying "next time, i HAVE to use the dish gloves". that's what my husband buys them for. and i do use them! just not all the time. and not because i'm not thinking about them, but because of what you just read. i want to, and i should, i just can't. and it sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment