popularity and belonging

What’s the algorithm?

What does it mean? 

What is the checklist?

In school- what does it take to be popular?
when I was in school.. usually it was the rich kids (people with a lot of money) because they had cool stuff.
They didn't even have to be nice, they were just "oooh, ahhh.. look at them. I want to be like them." so they became the popular kids.

sometimes to be popular, it's about looks.. gotta be cute or hot or good looking. kids who use grown up language (and I mean like cuss words, not adult responsible words).
kids who have cool lunch boxes that bring food that is "the good stuff".

That was not me. :) lol
I was a nice person who cared about their grades, befriended people who were all by themselves.
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Interesting, we carry these thought processes with us into adulthood.
Like other adults are more popular, more..
than us.

Why do we want to belong?
Because we are not MEANT to be alone.
the Bible states that in the first chapter.. that's why he created Eve for Adam.. so he could have a suitable partner.
We are not meant to do life alone.. so on the inside, we are constantly searching for acceptance.

In school, in our neighborhoods, we search for that in our peers.. JUST like we do in adulthood, in our jobs, in our status.

Just don't forget the end goal. The end goal is not to belong here on earth.. but to belong in heaven with our Father.. the One who created us. 

being an ambivert (introvert and extrovert combination)

https://www.spreadshirt.com/shop/design/i+am+ambivert+womens+premium+t-shirt-D5d8a07ea2051762642297cfd?sellable=XyEGdvE48gfGQxJ5rgRq-813-8&appearance=397&size=3



I totally want this shirt! (I'm a M by the way.. cough medium cough.)

Introversion is defined as a preference for calm, minimally stimulating environments.
Extroversion definition is the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self. 

Ambivert is someone who likes people and enjoys deep interaction, but can't hang around them very long without needing to get away to be by themselves for a while. 



The places I go and feel comfortable don't always have to do with the people who are there, it has to do with if I can recharge myself by then. The need to be prepared for such interactions and what that preparation looks like. Also, once I'm in these places, I need to be able to read my body and my mind so that if I I feel uncomfortable or overdone, I know there's a place I can retreat to in the vicinity that can make the rest of the interaction bearable. It's not that I don't like the people or the place (if I did, I wouldn't come in the first place), I'm actually making an effort to give that setting the best of me. I want to be there, but even too much of a good thing can be too much. 




If there's a place that I HAVE to be or a setting that is necessary, like a job, and I know it's going to take a lot to deal with, I look for small moments of joy. Like petting any animal that's there, talking to the children, a moment away from the crowd to snack, taking an extra minute in the bathroom just to breathe, things like this.

I love to be with people I know and enjoy. :)
If I can grab a cup of coffee in a small quiet setting and just chat, or sit in a park or take a walk just the two of us, this is perfect. It's just much harder to focus and participate with the special person when other people are involved. Groups are intimidating and anxiety inducing.



I love being open minded to new ideas, different ways to do things, being able to make something myself with the direction of someone else.



It's hard to be here by myself right now. (well.. alone.. with the kids.. and the cats.. and the husband.) Even though I do like to be a homebody, I also definitely need to leave the house sometimes and be around other people. Not necessarily interacting with them, just in the presence of them. I wouldn't even mind just taking a walk in a park and waving and random people, just to see other human life forms and know that I'm not suck in a building.

disability - usable hours

7-8-2020 I started this blog post after I saw this graphic on Pinterest, because it made me interested in knowing how many usable hours I have.

right now, I'm about 2 weeks into this project and my BEST day was really a good MENTAL health day, but my body was really beat down from all the movement and activity, though enjoyable, I had done.
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7-31-2020
I'm having a hard time tracking what's usable. My thinking is when I'm not in any kind of pain (or minimal pain), when I can think straight, when my boy and mind are at optimal capacity. That is usable to me.
Basically.. summer is out, and I'm pretty sure winter will be out. I feel my best in spring and fall. No extreme heat or extreme cold, possibility of dehydration, etc. Brain fog, inflammation, completely exhaustion, exercise intolerance.

Even when I'm at peak performance, I run the risk of injuring myself by walking, stepping, turning, pulling, lifting, laughing, being tickled..
I'm glad I tried this.

Overstimulation is a huge problem for me.
Having too much going on at one time, someone trying to tell me something at the same time I'm in the middle of writing something or listening to something else. Focusing on one project and getting pulled in different directions. Too many voices, too much noise, the sun seeming loud, my neck muscles wanting to collapse, not being able to sit or stand comfortably, someone touching me, the wrong material against my skin, light touch, too much information visually, having a hard time narrowing down or deciding things that important or things that can wait.

proprioception and sensory realization

I'm laying on the hammock and my back is killing me. I know I've missed a couple days tracking my usable hours, but it can be too much to keep track of everything, and it's more important for me to do my psychology work. (This helps me to be able to function mentally and physically on a day to day basis.) Also it's overwhelming to have to think and remember all of it, and to figure out what usable means. I'm not used to what's normal and what's not. It's hard to feel normal, because my normal is.. *shrugs.. too unpredictable? There's no specific definition.

Laying on a specific surface is good sensory input for my skin. I'm noticing things like blankets (mostly fleece), things that are soft but not too soft (like fleece or t-shirt cotton), or a cool breeze, just air. These feel really good against my skin, and laying on something like that, the pressure and the fact that I can control what parts of my body touch the material is very helpful.

what's your addiction?

Everybody has an addition. If they didn't they wouldn't be human. I'm willing to admit that my addiction goes along with one of my love languages: words of affirmation.

That's not to say that it's bad to want to hear people affirm you, you really do need feedback and encouragement to continue doing life. We are meant to be in community.

But for me, there's a problem when I'm looking only to people to give me that instead of from God, so I backslide and I constantly have to check myself and ask where I'm getting the affirmation from.

And I can tell when I'm looking in the wrong places, my anxiety and depression are worse, and my soul and heart feel disconnected and I feel more like crap.

So even though I'm not much of a people person (IE ambivert), I do need to have that feedback that what I'm doing is right and good.

Burning bush- study

(this is the story that keeps coming to mind when God tells me to FOLLOW- my word that HE gave me this year)

This story has come up a couple times this year in different ways, which is interesting because I keep thinking about it in reference to the word that God gave me for the year.

Usually it takes me some thought and searching for my "word for the year". For some reason, this time, when it got to the last month of last year, the word FOLLOW kept popping into my mind. I had no idea how much this word would have an impact on me and my journey.


EXODUS 3

Moses and the Burning Bush

1Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. 2There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. 3So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.”
The angel gets Moses' attention with something that's normal, but at the same time, unusual. It's normal to see a bush in that area, but it was not normal for it to be on fire for no reason, AND for it to not actually be burning.4When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!”And Moses said, “Here I am.”
Keep in mind the change here. The ANGEL of the LORD is the one who got Moses attention. When GOD SAW that Moses had listened to the ANGELS voice, THEN God stepped in to talk to the man.
Holy crap. Imagine hearing a voice from inside this odd thing saying your name. Like.. what the heck? The bush is speaking and it knows who is standing beside it? 5“Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” 6Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.7The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. 8So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. 9And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them.
God sees all and decided to do something about the group of people he calls "His people", the chosen ones, to bring them out of their misery (because they've been enslaved for years). He knows they have been crying out for help, and it's time. God's timing is perfect, and who He chooses to do His work is also perfect.
10So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”11But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
Um, do you know who you're talking to? Are you sure you're choosing the right person? I am a shepherd (the lowest job), my DAD is the priest, and you want ME to go to the King and demand he lets his slaves free, in the name of a God he doesn't believe in? AND you want me to be their leader?
Hey Moses, you realize you're talking to God, right? 
Um.. astonished, bewildered, uncertain, pinching himself to make sure this is real. 12And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”
So God is actually going to take Moses into Egypt as a shepherd, and then bring Him right back to the starting line as a leader, before the journey to the promised land.
13Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”14God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I am has sent me to you.’ ”
Wow. This is really happening. The God.. THE God.. is telling me I can use His name as my backup. This is big. 

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I have a feeling God is calling me to FOLLOW Him into a place that I'm uncomfortable with, not knowing what I'm supposed to say, just doing what He asks me to do when He asks me to do it. 

Hosting a ministry online.. Saying things about my faith boldly on Facebook and Instagram, and doing videos (which I'm glad nobody is filming me and I'm not on a stage with people staring at me).. is intimidating. But I've also noticed during this adventure into my discomfort that there have been people touched with words I generally don't speak (I'm an introvert/ambivert). 
But the gifts that God has given me with my hands, letting words flow through my fingers into the keyboard and out to cyberspace.. has been encouraging and is also helping me grow in confidence. 

He is leading me and I don't know where this is going, but that's okay. One small thing at a time.. God is doing things, and I don't know what they are, but I'm glad to be chosen as a vessel, even though it's (not scary) but intimidating. It's becoming something I look forward to, and I try my best to speak the truths that I know, and the things that I learn, and answers to questions I have.

format

paper, notebook, phone, iPad, papyrus, computer screen, hotel room

it doesn't matter what format you read the Bible.. as long as you see it and open it. 

All Scripture is God breathed.. read its word.. even if you just see it on Pinterest.