Then I started getting like these little video clips of my life in the future, and Brian had to take my shopping for things. I would make decisions that weren't really very good decisions, or they just didn't make sense, and I had no idea that they didn't make sense. I thought that it was fine, I thought that I was fine, but really I knew that I wasn't fine. I knew that my brain wasn't working and so I would make a decision, i'd want to buy something or say something, and he would either agree with me, or he would say "how about we do this instead? or how about we get this instead?". His sister and his mom were the same way, and my older brother basically just kind of laughed it off, because I feel like that's what he always does. He just goofs around and laughs things off. Not that he doesn't care about people, he has a big heart for people, but I just think that he's seen me growing up and he knows what's normal for me and he doesn't think it's actually a big deal. He doesn't think i'm malfunctioning, he doesn't think I have disabilities, he just thinks everything's goofy.
And my friend Marie, my husband actually hired her to take care of me. He hired her because he wanted to hire someone that I knew, because i've known her since I was a kid, and someone who I know is a nurse. Because before my brain got worse, I knew these things about her, so I was comfortable with her. And i've actually called her over before, literally in real life i've called her over before to help me, because I couldn't physically or mentally do something.
I feel like, right now, I need to do things that make sense to me. Do things that i'm used to. Do things that I like. Figure out.. on my bad brain days, I don't even feel like doing things that I know I enjoy. I know that's part of depression, but I don't feel depressed.
(ironically.. I have now been diagnosed with depression)
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