letting go of the past

so something happened to me about 5 years ago now that caused a significant enough trauma that i needed counseling and i had to learn to work through some dreams and emotions that i'd never felt before.

something that i loved had hurt me.
i struggled and i questioned and i prayed and i sought advice and counsel.

...
my husband recently has been redoing our home office, so that means i'm going to see my old computer files. and among them were these journal entries i had during that time.

i printed them off, deleted them from the computer, and took the time to go through them, thinking it would bring me back to that place i was in, because i still had thoughts about it every now and then.

...
nothing.

I threw them out.

slight anxiety, but mostly it felt like i was sorry for the person i had been and what had happened to her.

but i personally, emotionally, didn't feel anything but relief.. there was no mental struggle, no wave of emotions..

my husband and i had worked through this together, so i knew he was helping me, being by my side, through the anxiety, the depression, the crying and the detachment.

...
because i had not ignored this trauma, i had faced it head on and sought someone to help me work through what i was feeling, and help me clarify that it was not my fault and that this person needed to face their own actions..

i am healed.

i feel free of it.
i have forgiven and (mostly) forgotten what had happened. it becomes more and more faint every day. i barely even think of it or remember it even happened anymore.

praise God for the people He put in my life and the steps that I bravely took to rid myself of it.

...
I am not that person anymore.

It feels great to know that i've washed myself of it!
I'm clean.