my new normal

It's scary and strange to feel (on a day like today.. migraine and POTS filled) that i feel ok with this.
I'm actually more ok with myself when i have problems with my chronic illnesses than when i feel "good".

I've been seeing dr's and taking measures to improve my quality of life, because with the health conditions and mental conditions I have, that's what my life is about. Making things easier to deal with and minimizing their effects on me day to day.

The thing that makes me uncomfortable, ironically, is when I don't deal with these problems. When the medicals and the therapies are working well, and I feel energized. I feel rested. I feel like I can clean the whole house. I feel like i can go for a 5 mile walk. I feel like I can cook all day, have an amazing meal on the table that I know everyone in my family will love, and still have the mental and physical capacity to help my husband doing office work.

It's day where I feel like I normal human being that make me feel unlike myself.

...
This is my new "chronic illness" normal.

And I feel, honestly, more comfortable and more "me" when my body isn't working right. When I have to wear a brace or stop doing dishes after lunch because my hands hurt. When I have to take a breather from my kids coming home from school because my anxiety and cognitive function failure kicks into high gear.

...
This is my new "i'm ok".

It sounds so strange.
But it sounds like me.

...
Today I have a migraine.
I've been trying to get rid of it since it started 5 hours ago. But at the same time, if it goes away, and i feel good, it will be weird.
If it goes away, and I can actually do what I was planning to today (pick up a pizza, pick up my kids from school, go to conferences in a crowded middle school, and then zip over to the church to drop two of them off for Awana, and possibly help my husband in the office for a bit).. it would feel weird.

Do I want to feel better?
This is the struggle for all chronic illness/zebra warriors. If we feel better, we don't feel normal. This is my normal. And i'm more and more ok with that. I know how to deal with my new normal.