Reflection

I created this post because of some lightbulb moments initiated by Christine Caine. I printed out a 5-day renewal Bible study by her, and it really helped.  

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"Letting go is better than erasing your past, denying it, outrunning it, or escaping it."

Boom. 

Letting go can be SO HARD though. 

Believe me, I know. 

"Can you look back on your life and see how God was working when, at the time, you felt like your lift was stalled"

When we first moved into our home, for over a year, I felt very stale/stagnant... I was having trouble connecting spiritually. I had also just been through the process of moving, changing jobs, moving the kids to another school in the district, and realizing now, dealing with so much at one time, and one of my daughters having trouble (figuring out she had a transition disorder, later being part of what led to her diagnosis of ASD). Even though I was prepared and excited for the move, it took me a long time to internally find my footing. 

I tried to read the Bible, I tried to journal, I tried to pray but I felt like something was in the way. So grateful that eventually, I was able to feel the Spirit and hear God again. 

(Part of this has to do with myself being on the Autism spectrum and not knowing it. Communication and adjusting to changes is intimidating and difficult, no matter what. It actually made it easier that I was ready and happy for these changes to happen.)

"How can your past disappointments, pain, and suffering equip you to help others?"

Using my struggles and my revelations to talk to other people. 

Sharing research and knowledge from the years I've had to put in the time to understand and know things, God has given me a yearning for other people to know these things as well. To be able to share information on a large scale without having to physically speak in front of people. 

God has given me the platform of social media as a ministry, and I'm SO SO grateful. 

I think of it as my burning bush. (Reference Moses in the Bible.)

God told him to go, showed him a miracle, and said "I will be with you always and tell you the words to say" because Moses had a problem speaking to people. (I Believe he had a stutter or some type of communication problem.) Ding Ding! I do too! 

God has given me the tools to do His work, and even though I have a verbal communication problem, I have a HUGE platform that stretches across the world to anyone who needs to hear ANYTHING He tells me to say. 

So as long as I listen and do what He tells me (last year He gave me the word "follow"), whether I'm uncomfortable or confused by it, it doesn't matter. Whether I stumble over my words or not, real struggles and real life things are... real. And that's where He's put me. 

To be real, and to share real. Which is right up my alley, because I'm a realist. :) A Christian, heterosexual, Bible reading, LGBTQ loving, gardening, nature loving, realist. 

And all I want to do it show people that.. life is real, in so many ways. And we can all work together and live together and love together and... 

:) 

Together.