... oops?... I don't mean to

i feel like crawling in a hole
hiding away from all people

i don't know...
i overstepped a boundary
i said something that is normal to me - about something that is a new truth for you
i can accept facts to be facts, but i will not always apply them to my life
my brain literally won't allow me to change every time i hear a new fact
i know i don't have to say i'm sorry
i know you're not angry
but i know i offended you
and i wish i could feel more

i want so badly to feel more
but i just feel.. (indifferent isn't the right word)
... trying to think.. my brain can't process this very well..
(like you've said before.. give myself some grace.. my brain is trying)
i don't know what to say

but i feel
lost
and hurt
that i feel like i hurt you
and i don't mean to

i'm sorry

this social stuff is hard

giving myself a project in the yard, all by myself, to make me feel like i'm doing something progressive
make me feel like less of an ass
like i did something meaningful
i cleaned up some trash from part of the earth

doesn't make me feel like less of a heal

i'm snapping at people who are trying to love on me

trying to pull through a flare of my autism symptoms
i'm not anxious
i'm not depressed

i just feel
like i let you down
i'm disappointed

and i'm sorry

(curls into my shell)(i'm crying inside)
i'll give you your distance
and i'll try
again
not to say the wrong things
though i know i'll fail in the future
the best i can do is hope and try my best