my autism journey

I've been having speech therapy for a while now because i'm having memory problems.

i was going to say it's getting harder for me to say what i'm thinking.. but i feel like this has always been an issue. it's just now that i'm becoming more aware of my body and it's wiring.. i'm noticing it and asking questions about it.

that's how i found out i have EDS, a genetic connective tissue disorder that makes everything in the body fall apart over time.

as part of this, i've been trying to figure out why i have problems thinking and feeling and expressing and why i could study for tests like crazy but i couldn't perform. why i've always been super talented with music and writing, and always had a big interest in nail painting... why i've had issues with understanding people, why i have an emotional "stuck" (as my BFF would say- i don't feel things very well, or if i do feel something, i don't know what to do with that feeling, and the external view of it is generally skewed). and why i generally feel better being alone than i do around people, but i can blend in so well so nobody knows.

and i ran across autism.
Aspergers, to be exact. and wondered why this was never a thought when i was growing up. and i learned about masking.
this is why i've always been a chameleon.. could so easily blend in to situations and surroundings. why i never really felt like myself, never really fit in anywhere specific, except with the other "loners".
high functioning autism
is me.

and because of the journey i've been taking with my physical and mental health, i've found avenues and people who can help me connect and research.

www.herautism.com
SO GOOD

my psychologist is part of a center for therapy who does diagnosing for these types of things.. they actually diagnosed my youngest daughter with ADHD.
and i just started my testing for Autism! :)

i'm glad to have found something that helps me define who i am and why i am the way that i am.
and just like with having EDS, it's hard for me to think that i'm one of those people who has rare, special capabilities.

but i'm open to accepting that fact that i'm more unique than i thought.