good vibes?

https://arstechnica.com/civis/viewtopic.php?t=303515

https://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2015/september/i-dont-want-your-good-vibes-i-want-prayer.html

So I have been curious because of seeing people say they will send "good vibes" to someone when they are asking for prayer, and I always wondered what the deal was with that, assuming it was someone who didn't have a faith basis.

I came up correct in that assumption.
Instead of saying "I'll pray for you" since they don't believe in the higher power of God, so therefore not believing in asking God to help, they said "sending good vibes" because they are thinking of you and holding you close to their heart, in general feeling "good vibes/vibrations" coming from within them and sending that feeling to the person who is feeling the need for support.

I can totally understand that, and have respect for that.
I'm glad I looked into it, instead of just assuming that they didn't want to "pray" per se.
I'm grateful to have my own brood of non-faith friends who still find those feelings within themselves to send to me and anyone else.

why does this "confidence" bother me so much?

I've noticed this about myself in recent years, 

it bothers me when someone says something positive about themselves out loud. 

I feel like it's cocky,

or I feel like it's not humble. 

I actually tried it once around my husband, 

I said "you're wife is awesome" using third-party confidence, 

and he said "does she know that?"

and I stopped.. because I didn't expect that response, and I didn't know what to say. 

It's irritating to me that I think of positive verbal self-confirmation

as cocky and irritating, instead of mature and confident. 

I had a thought come up that maybe it's because of my low self-confidence,

but I'm not sure that's what it is. 

I have a feeling it's because growing up,

I always thought my outward appearance should be one of humility

and to only let other people verbally praise me,

and never to verbally praise myself. 

But i'm thinking that that's "stinking thinking"

because now I have a relationship with myself that

doesn't allow myself enough personal value. 

I constantly downplay my worth

And when someone affirms me by saying how much I do

and how important what I do is

I have a hard time accepting those comments

because maybe part of me doesn't believe them. 

So when my husband says "it's because i'm awesome"

or something of the sort

I cringe, because I feel like it's a lack of humility

which I know is untrue.

thinking about a past Thanksgiving- autism related

remembering that people in my husbands side of the family were getting irritated with me because i wasn't helping in the kitchen after the meal.
and i didn't know that.
i just followed everyone downstairs and apparently the women were supposed to clean up afterwards together.

is this a thing?
or just a family tradition thing?
i had no idea.

so now, after each Thanksgiving, i make sure to help clean up afterwards, hoping I'm doing the right thing.

....
i had no idea this was social protocol

daughters' question

"mom, why do you share about your personal stuff?"

oh darling.
because if nobody ever said anything about their lives to other people, they would be so alone.
if we don't open up and share our lives, nobody else will know our struggles and our celebrations.
nobody else will have the opportunity to learn something from what we know.
nobody else will be able to share in our joy and our turmoil.
we wouldn't be able to lift each other up if we didn't share in each others lives.

why do i share about my personal stuff?
because God has called me to be open about things that just aren't spoken.
things that are generally hidden under rocks and shushed away.

mental health
chronic illness
things that we wish other people would talk about, but yet we are quiet.

because it's not just me going through it.
so many people do.. but nobody will speak.

"but it makes me uncomfortable"
if we always lived in comfort, we would never grow, we would never learn, we would never truly live. we would be under a shell as so much of life passed us by.

sometimes we need to be uncomfortable to be more, to be better.

where I find my value

i shouldn't be looking for my identity and affirmation in someone else
i don't need him to tell me i did a good job
he thanked me for helping him get his shower stuff
for getting him a drink
for driving out to get him and my daughter ice cream (they both rocked it today!)

my value and my encouragement and my sense of achievement does not come from them
SHOULD not come from them
my value is in my heavenly Father
and I am enough

what I do is just as important as what they did cleaning up the yard.
i tailored a night gown to fit
i made dinner
i fed the cats
i worked a bit on the the leaves and sticks/logs that were fallen from the tree that was cut down
i went on a hunt in the collection of clothes I have for the girls in order to properly dress them for the cold

I am enough
I do not need them to pat my back in order to feel that way
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OH MY GOSH
this actually hits on the message this morning at church!
that every part of the body matters.
the foot isn't more important than the tongue, the fingernail isn't more important than the piece of hair.
all of them are equally important.

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up on whole body. So it is with the body of Christ.
1 Corinthians 12:12

The family is made up of many parts, and each does its part, and together they make a whole.

Complaining vs whining

Define and expand

complaining: the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something

annoying: causing irritation or annoyance

whining: To produce a sustained, high-pitched, plaintive sound, as in pain, fear, or complaint.


whining to take to a valid complaint about an annoyance, and make it.. annoying. :) whining is when you combine negative selfish attitude with the expression of dissatisfaction. 

whining is annoying :) it's an abnoxious sound or appearance of someone seeming snobbish about a situation that could more than likely be dissipated or dealt with a lot easier if it was kept simpler, instead of being blown out of proportion. 

------
i'll stick to my own thoughts and agendas unless otherwise provoked.

writing

writing
is nothing more or less than speaking like yourself on the page.

stop trying to pretty it up and just talk.

all writers, singers and artists suck when they start.

the struggle is to keep going.
---------
this came from an audio book we listened to on the way to and from NY this past weekend.
makes me think of my past and love for writing.

i've written things for my school newspaper
i've written poetry for myself, which i can't find the binder :(
i wrote poetry on a website (that i have since copied over to a file on my computer)
i wrote multiple papers in college (always a good grade) which i have also copied over to a file on my computer
i wrote 3 short story romances in high school, that i think i threw out when i discarded my old diary/journals :(

i did all of the advertising and the signage for my business, when i had it.

i check my husbands work before he sends things out to clients.
i work on his social media account for business.

and i'm now keeping up with this blog fairly well when i'm not exhausted and can focus, video blogging on my own new FB page, and writing other things in my spare time.

it hasn't always been pretty, honestly some things have been very cliche' and sucky.
but it's good to be able to spill out my words.

and watch them change over time.