body positivity

so much truth to this photo




grateful that my husband still sees me as this



so hard to do this



would it be ok if i put a photo of myself on this poster? or would that be too dramatic?



do you have people that will join you in loving yourself and making a better view of yourself?

typical versus normal

As adjectives the different between normal and typical is that normal is according to norms or rules while typical is capturing the overall sense of a thing.

A typical disabled person might need or do or use such and such a thing, but it's not normal to be a disabled person (visible or invisible).

It's typical for people to age and bodies to show that aging process (gray hair, wrinkly skinny, etc), but it's not normal to see someone in their 80's or 90's working out at a gym.

It's typical for a girl to start dreaming about her wedding as she matures, and it's not normal for a girl to dream about staying by herself for the rest of her life only surrounded by animals.
This is one I speak of from personal experience because of my high functioning autistic daughter. She and I both would rather be around animals for ever instead of people.

It's typical for Americans at some point in their lives to file bankruptcy and start over, it's not normal, however, to have a couple going through this actually stay together and work through it instead of filing for divorce and separating.
This one I also speak of from personal experience because my husband and I had to file for bankruptcy back in 2008 because we lost our jobs and our home and everything, but the lawyer was confused and surprised by us because we sat on the couch together holding hands instead of standing at opposite ends of the room looking in opposite directions.

It's typical for teenagers in social situations to go along with the crowd, it's not normal for them to stand against the popular vote. This is why there are bullies, because when you go against the flow, the first reaction is to throw back something negative, because of evil.

It's typical for people to want to fit in, to cuss when other people cuss, to dress the same way others do. It's not normal to say "i'm not going to do that because I have a different set of values".

clarifying the differences between patronizing and condescending

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaVkKQTTei8&list=WL&index=4

The two adjectives condescending and patronizing describe the attitudes of people who think that they are superior to others. These two adjectives are very similar in meaning and can be used interchangeably in most instances. 
Patronizing refers to treating someone with apparent kindness which betrays a feeling of superiority. 
Condescending refers to displaying a superior attitude.

What Does Condescending Mean?

As mentioned above, condescending refers to the superior attitude of a person. When someone thinks that others are inferior to him or that he is superior to others and treat others according to this attitude, he is being condescending. Talking to a person in a way that shows that you believe you are more intelligent or better than him is an example of condescending attitude.

The students of the new generation seem to think that teachers are condescending and arrogant.

So condescending would be like someone talking to you with their nose in the air? Like when my dad would talk to me about my grades, but he had a posture of arms across the shoulder and head back (seemed like he was "looking down at me"). 

Or if you're shopping with someone and you get excited about an item, and they look at you like "really? you like that? I wouldn't be caught dead with that."

Giving the impression that they are "better than" or "holier than"? I think I get it. 

“Of course, I believe you,” he said in a patronizing voice.

So patronizing is more of an action; the act of being condescending. Right? Patronizing someone in need, for example, would be to pretend to be helpful, but act like you're better than that. Like you'll do it, but you don't want to because you'll get your hands dirty because it's below you. 

Right? 

what is ghosting?

someone will "ghost me"
I just recently heard this term and wanted to know what it meant.

The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

https://www.psycom.net/what-is-ghosting

I actually heard this in a youtube video about disabled people and what's average in relationships across the board. It's terrible to have people "ghost" someone because their lives aren't what you need, or because your life is taking a different turn than yours, and you can't give them the common courtesy to say "hey, my life is changing. i'm having to make some hard relationship changes as well, and I might not be in contact with you anymore". Sure, that's a hard conversation to have (i've had it myself recently), but having a hard conversation with someone who you might see again in your future, I think, would be a better way to go than to just disappear and then have to duck and dodge them the rest of your life because you decided to burn that bridge with no explanation.

my study of Phillipians- Bible book

a letter from Paul and Timothy, Jesus disciples, to all the Christians (the "church") in Phillipi
1:2
Grace and peace be with you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
- the first thing they say to Christ's followers.. grace and peace with be with you from your heavenly God and His son.
what an awesome blessing.

Talking to all of the Christians as brothers in Christ, saying that they are grateful to have the community, and that there is confidence about fulfilling God's plan before the second coming, because of the partnership of believers. Praying that they may remain pure and blameless and that they should continue to learn and gain knowledge in the ways of faith.
- mind blown. to have that confidence. that we as a group of believers will band together and see God's purpose through to completion before Christ comes again.

Because Paul is in prison, the other Christ followers are becoming more bold and fearless in speaking God's word, because he was imprisoned for speaking the truth of the gospel. That it doesn't matter what the motive is behind it, Christ's truth is being preached, and that is joyful.
1:21
(Paul in prison) For me to live is Christ, and to die is gone.
If i'm going to remain fruitful in labor, I will show Christ through fruitful labor. But if I die, I will flory in my Saviors presence. He's struggling with which outcome he wants for himself, because either one is beneficial!
No matter what happens, your actions, with or without me, need to reflect with gospel of Christ!

Be humble, like Christ. He became like a servant, groveling at the feet of humans. Saying "what can I do for you?"
Are you humble enough in your faith to die for it?

In our crooked world, be the ones who shine with the light of God by the work you do.

2:14 + 15
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, child of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you since like stars in the universe.

Press on towards the end goal of heaven. Forget what is behind, and strain towards what is ahead. Do not be confident your earthly bodies, but be reminded constantly that your soul belongs to God.

Hard to hear this
3:19
Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.
- So hard to see people we know and love blinded from eternal life by the things we put on our own pedestals, things that we exalt and worship higher than our Savior.

But I am a citizen of heaven, and I humbly and eagerly wait for the day I will be transformed.
Help those people who live life beside you to also follow you into eternity.  (coworkers, neighbors, family, etc)

Guard your hearts at all times, and let the peace and love of God constantly flow from your soul and shine for others to see and for them to want it, too.

4:11b
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance.
4:12b
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.
4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Thank you for sharing in my troubles and helping me when I needed it.

4:19 And my god will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.


Again in verse 23, Paul leaves them with another blessing grace in their spirit that is of the Lord Jesus Christ.

- may God's peace and grace always be with you.

Amen= so be it.
everything I have just said.. may it be so.
we are in agreement that the words previously spoken will come to pass.

my study of Ruth- Bible book

1: 16 and 17
Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.
- Ruth was determined to stick with her mother in law, til death do they part.  Here is a true meaning of the word "friend". Naomi could rest assured that she would never be alone again, and that she would always be cared for and have companionship.

2:8
My daughter listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the farm where my men are harvesting and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you.... why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me?.... I've been told what you have done for your mother-in-law..."
- Because of how well she treated Naomi and because of her work ethic, she developed a reputation for being helpful and pure. Boaz noticed this, and made sure she was safe and taken care of herself.

chapter 3 and 4.
Ruth went to Boaz to show him her honesty and purity and selflessness. He asked if the other heir of her husbands family wanted to inherited her farm and become her husband, first. He did not take it for himself until the other man decided to pass. Therefore, Boaz took all of Naomi's land from her husband and her two sons and also took Ruth as his bride.
- my goodness, the purity and the respect shown here is amazing. There is no vile physical trade, there is no dishonesty of taking something that someone else has the rights to. Boaz and Ruth had their destiny's intertwined by God's will. This maintained the family names, and kept their standing as a respectable family intact, as well.

that's a fantastic love story.

combination of depression and executive function disorder

i sit here
my body melted to the seat
my mind rolls around things that i want to do
i want to walk 50 steps to the table and read my book about happiness
i started it this morning
and then fell asleep
i pushed myself through spot cleaning the bathroom
there are dishes in the sink soaking
so i have to do them
push
push

i'm not unhappy
i'm not sad
i'm depressed

feeling hungry
and sick to my stomach
unable to move

a depressed autistic
not knowing what to do with their time

i did my psychology homework
i have a plan for the day
but i'm stuck
i'm on my 3rd water bottle
so that's a positive
i'm hydrating
that's a success

at this point
peeling myself off this chair
while the ringing in my ears persists
and moving my feet towards the kitchen
feels like dragging myself through the mud

i got through my emails
that took a lot of effort
but i'm saving the links to read later
at least i organized a bit
my head feels full
but there's nothing there
my hands feel like weights
as i mindlessly click through my youtube saved videos
watch a small clip
delete
and move on
uninterested

my girls get home in 8 minutes
goal- dishes and make coffee
when they get home- goal
send them to work on their new stuff drawers
while i - goal- read a page or two.