The Rolling Kitty

spine on the floor

feet in the air

back and forth

to and fro

fluff

fur

hair

purr

full belly

floppy skin

pretty color

slowly blinking eyes

a random loving hand

strokes skin 

and gentle lips

kiss the nose

oh kitty

you are home

and you are happy

and you are loved

when the frog speaks

Sitting at the table

Talking about shoes

With my fashionista 

When out of the blue

Comes a massive 

Croak

Bubble

Burp

Noise

Surprise 

Omgosh busting a gut... we laughed so loud and hard

No shame :)

the princess became a frog :)

knowing someone everywhere I go

my girls tell me sometimes that i should stop saying hi to people everywhere i go
and sometimes they ask "how do you know so many people?!"

well it's because i've had a lot of jobs
which is in part because i've always struggled in the work force
but wherever i work, i want to make sure i'm available to help everyone i work with, that i'm personable, and that i do a good job.

i've recently thought of this as a plus side.

wherever i go, i know somebody. so in this sense.. i can almost always find a way to be comfortable in my environment. as soon as i see and connect with someone i know, as long as it was a positive relationship, i feel calmer. this can help with my anxiety, restlessness and discomfort.

so.. it's good to know a lot of people. :)

anxiety 1-31-2020

COMING HOME FROM U of M in ANN ARBOR

I'm driving down 12
and
I can hear and feel the road vibrating around my car
the sound of the wind being split by my vehicle as i shoot through it
vehicles passing me coming the opposite way on the opposite side
look like they're looming behind me as well
a whole line of them.

They're angry headlights glaring at me to get out of their way

And the sound of my daughter sniffing each one of her breathe into her body
i am tired
and my anxiety might get the best of me
i'm trying to focus
just to get to the gas station
so i can put some money in the tank
and stop worrying if i have enough to get home

I need to escape

I keep licking my lips
and biting them
because i'm nervous
come to find out i have a canker sore right on top
my inhalers in my purse behind me
not sure if i dare try to reach for it

...

Three minutes later, made it to the gas station. Stepped out, closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh air for a minute. Didn’t want to take too long and look like a weirdo. At least I was out of the car, I didn’t feel so stuck...

Debated going in to use the toilet because I had to pee.. I really just wanted to get home. But, my body won... bathroom it is.

Back in the car I go. This should be fine. Starting to get a headache.. I need a nap

so close

The Mighty Februrary poetry prompt- where can i find courage?

I can find courage
behind my eyelids
when everything around me seems to swirl
and i need a moment of quiet darkness to continue

I can find courage
knowing that inside me
is the will to continue
because God has something for me around every corner
and beyond every step

I can find courage
when my husband holds me
after the tears have started
and defeat sets in
his warmth and love lift me up
and let me know it's ok to fall apart

I can find courage
knowing that there's a purpose for my struggles
and my Father is leading me through all the darkness
to show and to share
and to help people understand
a life of pain
can also be a life of light and peace

poem- my feelings

my feelings

they speak

but i don’t know why

and i don’t hear what they’re saying

what i hear is a hum

an eager but silenced sound

wanting something to hear them

but they are muffled

silenced maybe

willing to be heard

but the microphone isn’t turned on

there are words

descriptions

floating in the air

but they can’t find the paper

they aren’t sticking to anything

therefor not being read

they land on ears

filled with cotton swabs

wanting and waiting for something to break the darkness

but nobody is willing to let the light in

save for one

trying to get through the crowd

moving against the grain

every now and then stopping and standing with their head down

as if to admit defeat

but then continuing 

as if they needed to catch their breathe

gain a moment a quiet to refill their energy

because against the flow

is so much harder than floating with it

what chronic fatigue looks like

i had a migraine all day yesterday
and i cried from emotional overwhelm

i slept really well last night
but now
i'm exhausted

i'm falling asleep in church
then i'm falling asleep during a movie
then i'm falling asleep when i try to read

but when i intentionally try to close my eyes and rest
i can't
my body moves
restlessly
my brain won't shut up
or shut down
even if i go to my bed
instead of the couch
i lay there
unable to find unconscious solitude