Don't have sex until you're married.
-But are you going to teach me about what to do when I DO get married?
-Are you going to tell me anything about the correct way to be intimate with a spouse?
Oh no, we don't talk about sex in the church.
-So you mean I'm on my own in this? I have to figure out everything about intimacy by myself?
Yes. Oh, here's a book. Read it, but don't ask questions.
Cover up your body so you don't cause men to stumble.
-Ok I can do that, but what parts of my body am I supposed to cover up?
-What about going swimming? Or being hot in the summer.. what do I do when I'm sweating?
You have to cover all the skin that could be provocative in any way.
-Are you also going to talk to the boys about not making me feel uncomfortable?
Boys can't help themselves. They are wired to be sexual beings.
-This stuff makes me feel ugly and insecure. Can you help me with that?
You are God's daughter. You should feel loved by Him. Don't worry about what other people think about you.
-But I'm a teenage girl. Of course I care (to some degree) what other people think. Can someone help me learn to love myself?
No, that would be prideful. You need to be humble.
-So I'm not supposed to love myself? I'm not supposed to feel beautiful?
Beauty is fleeting. Don't worry about what you look like.
So I'm not allowed to be confident because that makes me seem prideful, I'm not allowed to dress to impress because that makes me look attractive and then I will cause other people to stumble.
So I can't be myself because.. it will make people like me.
And if people like me, that could make them want me sexually.. and we don't want that.
But then I'm known as the outcast because I don't fit in.
I don't fit in because I was taught to not be myself.
Even when I do act like myself, I don't fit it.
I guess I'll pretend.
I'll pretend I'm everything you want me to be.
So I guess being me is a bad thing.
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The trauma of purity culture is real.
The voices we listen to are important, and so is what they say and where their fingers are pointing.
People are fallible.. unfortunately we were taught to listen to our elders and not question them.
That was unthinkable.
And as a 38 year old woman.. I'm finally finding out things about myself and learning how to work through them, and having to heal and deal, and I should never have had to be in this situation.
Don't make people be someone they're not because it makes you uncomfortable, or because you think your religion tells you something.
I know who God is.
I know who he made me.
And I know he has plans for me.
And I know he's a God of healing.
I think I would prefer to listen to the One who made me, and I know he made me just right.
Because he doesn't make things wrong.
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