what we think is real, but it doesn't tell the truth.

what you think is real
feelings are real
feel them
allow them space
but then find out why they are there
and find the truth behind them.

feelings, themselves, are fickle. and they lie.

what we consider valuable

from the book- The Last Arrow

i'm just going to leave this here and let you know mull it over. it's very personal what each person values.

if i look at my Pinterest boards and see the boards with the highest number of pins.. this shows me what i spend most of my time and effort on. (i know you're curious, so i'll just tell you.. they are "cats, fun, food and relationships".)

me versus tv

My husband mentioned the fact of why we were looking at headphones, he wanted over ear and was wondering if I would use them too. Then he said “like in the show atypical, he wears headphones not to listen to music but to muffle the sounds around him, like you, right?” Oh my gosh, babe, thank you for understanding!

it's a game changer to have him slowly seeing and piecing together that autistic me is real and that autistic me is acceptable. <3

this makes my heart smile and sink into a pillow.

define healthy

this stems from a conversation i had with a friend of mine about how we view each other's lives and our definitions of healthy.

we all think things about life and sometimes we are irritated or disagree

healthy: beneficial to one's physical, mental, or emotional state : conducive to or associated with good health or reduced risk of disease

since this definition is based on one person, i find agreement in this that "healthy" is a different state or meaning for each single person. 

find your healthy. 

Make up before the TenCate party

My oldest daughter asked me before a family Christmas party if I was going to wear makeup (reminded me, really). She knows that I like to cover up my scars when I go to large gatherings. (Large meaning more than a couple people.)

I love that she knows little things like that about me. 

every kids dream

My oldest daughter asked me in the car the other day, what store I got my wedding ring from? I told her Zales and she said "so every kiss DOESN'T begin with K". That made me laugh :) smarty pants.

Then my husband said something during the week about dreams, every adults dream (I don't remember what it was). But he said every KIDS dream was Disney Land. "What kid doesn't want to go to Disney Land!" He was recalling a time when he was young that his mom surprised him and his sister after school with a trip to the air port.

But.. I beg to differ.
Every kids dream isn't Disney Land.
My dream when I was little was just to have a quiet room to read, and then time to ride my bike to my one neighbors house, or down to the creek.
I did have a dream of being a teacher or writing books.
But no.. never Disney Land.

Daily fun

Laying on the couch to rest after I went to my moms house this morning to help her put up some Christmas decor (borrowed her knee wrap.. couldn’t bend without pain). Bent over to take a chip from my snack bowl.. ope!.. muscle cramp left oblique.

Using the steps at home, so much pain in my knees and pressure. I had to text my daughters friend while they were volunteering at church so she could go get my other daughter and come out to the car, because I was too embarrassed to use my cane.
That and I had already taken a shower and didn't have much energy left.

10:15 pm
got some receipts processed, and looked up some SSD and SSI information. about 4 weeks until I get my first direct deposit "income check".

still seems strange. but now i'm exhausted.. my eyes are watering soo bad. i have to have a snack or i won't sleep tonight. i hate when i get hungry just before bed.