Transformation

So again , because of my internal wiring and my personality , I am again going to attempt to stand up for myself more and take better care of myself.

 I feel like  there are times in life we feel more confident  and complete, and it really is like an eb and flow.  At least for me.
I have three daughters and I want them to be confident women…  but do they see that in me?  Because that's where they will learn it from.

 its time I stop letting the world around me push me around and stand up for who I am and what I believe in.

I'm wearing makeup today..  Because it makes me feel pretty.
 I washed my face this morning and last night ..  Because Makes me feel fresh and clean,  and I know my skin is healthier for it.
I'm wearing sneakers to work today .. Because I know they will give me the support I need to not feel pain.

I'm going to change my availability at work because I need to stick up for time with my family and time for myself.

I have been taking every chance I can get to exercise.. Because it makes me feel strong and helps me stay flexible. I don't like being stiff and feeling old.

Let's hope I keep being true to myself and living the life God would want me to.. My body is a temple and my family is a gift. Help me to not take that for granted.

Anxiety and depression… No laughing matter

 I know you all haven't heard from me in a while,  nobody might even read this page. But  I feel like this is a good place for me to unload what is happening inside of me.

 Within the last year I had found out I deal with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)  and depression. It has  been very hard to deal with, as I feel like it has started taking over and replacing the "who I am" of me.

 I'm also in a situation right now where I have been offered one of my old jobs back, but I am also still trying to find a good employment opportunity that would fit mine and my family's needs.

 Right now I don't feel like doing anything, I feel tired, I feel lazy, I feel like no matter what I do it's not going to matter. I feel very sad and I don't feel like I have an opinion.  It's very hard for me to make decisions on my own, I basically feel like my life needs to be multiple-choice so I can choose what I'm going to do from a list, not actually come up with something myself.

 I haven't felt like crafting in a little while now, which is crazy because I'm a very crafty person. I love to scrapbook, I love to so, I like to do interesting things with my kids… And I have had no desire to do any of that for probably at least two months.  I have stepped out of my role volunteering in my church nursery because I don't feel like I fit really anywhere right now.

 I feel like things that I should remember easily, I just don't remember.  That makes me very frustrated at home because if I forget  something that my husband has asked me to do or a certain way something is supposed to be done, I feel terrible.

 To Be continued ..