Monday, April 24, 2017

Self Love

Loving yourself in your own skin

i was just going through my own clothes switching out from winter to spring stuff and i saw myself in the mirror and realized and i have really strong thighs. i also have... not the butt that i want to have, definitely not the butt i used to have but, it's a nicely rounded booty. i worked hard to raise that booty back up after having kids, and it looks good. lol.
i also have a very nice strong core. i can tense my abs and i can feel the tightness, the strength, on the inside of myself, which is awesome, because especially with the physical problems i have, it's important to have a really strong core and i've worked hard to keep that. And i'm going to keep working hard to continue that strength.
also when i squeeze my upper arms, the biceps and triceps are both nice and tight, not just the top. i don't have floppy arms, i have nice strong arms.
i mean my hands are weak.. i know my hands are weak, because all the tendons and bones and everything that's supposed to hold together just don't work as well as they should, but i have nice looking hands. and i always get compliments on my nails. for one, nail polish has always been a thing for me. it's my hobby.. i love doing them. but just the fact that my nails, that i keep them nice and strong and trimmed.. i've actually had people ask me "how do you keep them looking so nice?". well my secret weapon is like a fiber polish as a base coat. i think anybody has a nail problem of some type, i really just think it's about learning how to deal with the kinds of problems you have. learning how to make any area of your life better. taking the time to make your life better.

Just as my oldest daughter said in the car the other day "if we don't take care of ourselves, how are we supposed to take care of other people?" and that's very true. she's learned that from me because i've been teaching them that you have to take care of yourself. you gotta learn to take care of your own body, keep yourself healthy, to eat the right things, to exercise. to make sure your put in your mind what you want to come out your mouth, because whatever you put inside of you is going to come out.

i am on a journey of self love because my weakest part about myself is loving myself. i don't have a very good body image, i never really have. being tall, being skinny.. i've never had a figure, i've just always been very fit, athletic, but i feel like.. i'm not a voluptuous woman. i'm just not. and that's ok.. because i feel like if i had more curves, if i had more of that femininity, i would get more of that kind of attention and already the attention that i do get when i do look good, when i do feel comfortable in myself.. i don't like that kind of attention. so i'm learning how to be ok with positive attention regarding how i look.

so this is a journey for me, being comfortable in my own skin, looking in the mirror and saying that i like what i see, or just thinking positive thoughts about who i am.


Also, i should remind myself that my husband.. loves me.
he loves the body i have. he loves my personality. he loves.. who i am.
his admiration for me is really a good booster for me, because of how sometimes i feel about myself.

Monday, April 17, 2017

You never know who's watching.

You never know who's watching you.. and what they see.. and what they think..

An old companion of mine from high school  (that i wasn't super close with but i knew who she was and we enjoyed each other) and I worked together the other day (she volunteers at the same location)..
And she was telling me that over the last 12 years, she's seen me around town, she's watched me with my kids and with my husband.. at Meijer getting groceries and riding the grocery cart down the pavement.. and other places just the two of us together. And she said it always looked like we were happy.. that we were content.. that we enjoyed each other.

This surprised me.
Having someone see you for that amount of time, here and there, and get an impression just from watching for a minute.. That really hit me.
She said to keep doing what we're doing because it looks like we're doing the right thing.

Praise God.

Also had a member of the same facility get my attention (he has an accent so he had to use hand motions a bit :) ) and say "hey, i saw you pushing a car up the hill" and i had a flashback to this past winter when i saw a car stall out going up the hill from the stop sign.. i acted on instinct. i threw my car in park, ran up to her vehicle and started waving down help. Ended up pushing right along with them. I had to physically recover from that.. sit in a parking lot and calm down my breathing and my heart rate.. so really, i shouldn't have physically done that.

But wow.
The things people see and never say..
What would they say about you?

I had another volunteer at my location mention something to my boss about helping an elder couple back in November because they didn't know what do about calling insurance/silver sneakers..
I didn't do it get credit.
I did it because that's me.
That's my instinct.
I have the time and place to help someone.. i'm going to try my best.

What would people say about you?
You really never know when you're making an impact, whether good or bad, to someone else.

Easter 2017

Why did Jesus die on the cross? Why did God let him? You're probably going to see a lot of religious Easter posts, but the truth of the matter is God didn't have to do that for us. He did it because when he created us He wanted to have a relationship with us. Like a parent with a child. And anybody who's a parent I'm sure can understand that principle… The child that you created, the child that you are blessed enough to raise, has the choice between having a relationship with you and not having a relationship with you. Wouldn't you want your child to have a relationship with you? That's how God feels about us. And that's why He ultimately sacrificed his own heart. He gave up the one thing that meant the most to him, because our future depended on it. 
God SO loved the world, he didn't just love the world he SO loved the world. And because of that sacrifice we can have that relationship with him like a child and a parent.
Only it's so much more…

pray for other people

When you tell someone you will pray for them, actually do it. When you let words come out of your mouth, make sure you act on them. Do not use your faith flippantly. It's not just a phrase, it's a way for us to build each other up. Let us all watch what we say and watch what our actions show.

Side note.. pray for people who we wouldn't usually pray for. 
Pray for your boss. 
Pray for your coworkers. 
Pray for your neighbor. 
Pray for the people across the street you've never even met. 

do what you love!

What are you good at? What do you love to do? If we all just supported each other and told each other positive things, positive feedback about what we love about each other, and encourage each other to use those passions and talents, we would all be better off. Don't think you're good at anything? Look again. I'm sure somewhere somebody had said something about you or to you about what their favorite thing about you is. Or what they think you are good at. It doesn't take much but a kind word to lift each other up and encourage each other to be who we are meant to be. God gave each one of us a certain talent, let's raise each other up and show each other that it is best to be ourselves. It is best to take the special parts of us and share them with the rest of the world. We were gifted each something different for a reason.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

"cuss" words

The other day I used my first cuss word in a text to a friend about how i was feeling today. I was just honest and thoughtful and i sent it and i was like wow. It felt kind of good to just say that, just get it off my chest.
I was feeling shitty, I felt like a burden to the people around me because my health was crap. And you know what, i'm not cussing up a storm, I'm not uncontrollably potty'ing at the mouth, i'm being honest about how I feel and I'm learning that cuss words/swear words can be used in a mature way to make a point and that's ok. I've always felt myself that it was bad to use those kind of words (it is bad in a sense when you can't control it and you're just swearing all the time and it's like.. really? do you really have nothing better to say?) But when you're using it just like I'm saying "i feel shitty today", it's a very well placed word, and there's nothing wrong with that. And i need to feel better and more comfortable about being able to be comfortable in my own skin and express myself. I really feel like this was a step towards that today.
Another example is actually the other day we were watching a movie and i was cuddled up to Alivia, as usual. Under my breathe a mumbled that the guy was a jackass and she was like "oh my gosh, mom!" and then she thought a second and said "you know what, yeah he is". Her having that little revelation of "it's a bad word, but it describes perfectly what this person is doing/being" was kind of neat for me to see. She didn't smack my hand or anything, she learned from that experience.

Sometimes things will get really intense at home and I will very calmly (or maybe not so calmly) let the girls know that the crazy situation is making me feel very angry, or tell them i'm getting pissed off. I want them to be able to understand that it's good to know what you're feeling, to be able to communicate how you're feeling to other people without being scorned or made to feel bad.

I'm reminded of the ONE swear word used in the whole movie of Gone With the Wind, at the very end when Rhett Butler is talking to Scarlett O'Hara and says "frankly my dear, i don't give a damn". That was one of the most well placed words in any movie to date.

My husband and I aren't teaching our girls not to use cuss words, we're teaching them what the words mean, and if/when they are appropriate to use.
Obviously, since they don't understand a lot of that yet and won't be able to make those informed decisions for a long time, we are making sure they know that it's not ok to use those words in public.

I'm learning myself that "cuss" words can be used appropriately to make a point or to emphasize. They aren't necessarily a bad thing to say.. just knowing what context they can and/or should be used in, I believe, is a good skill to have.

Being able to control your tongue is the main thing.
Letting profanity run your vocabulary isn't acceptable. If all you do is cuss all the time, in my mind, that's not controlling your tongue.
And that's what God teaches.. controlling your tongue.
Also He teaches to let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for teaching, correcting, and rebuking in righteousness, "so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work". Now i'm not sure if Jesus ever used what are considered cuss words, but I know he did get all up in some people's business. Flipping over chairs and tables.. righteous anger. ANGER IS NOT A SIN.

Now on that note, I do think there are some words people use that really have no place at all. But learning more about how to be able to communicate and use words appropriately.. is a big deal.

I know i'm rambling but i feel this is a good topic to discuss.