Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Body Reading Today

I went today to get a body reading done, this was supposed to be a free consultation.
She did a body scan using a hand wand that i held in one hand while the other hand she poked gently with another wand, showing her on the screen different levels on things in my body.
From the number on her screen.. my heart, lungs, vital organs are great.

The thing that concerned her was the level of toxicity in my body. She suggested I do a $40 foot bath, which i could need multiple times.. which i'm most likely not going to end up doing (i like DIY).
She also recommended a multivitamin to me, which i can agree with. I do need one and she brought in 4 different ones and tested them to find the right one for me. $20/month, not bad. Good natural ingredients.

Looking into the pineal gland.. my hormones are off. She can tell that I don't sleep very well, something about the anxiety connection.

A big thing is that my hypothalamus is off. I'm going to look into that as well.. it seems to control a lot of things i deal with. Also the Lymph system.

True Love

I have to give props to my husband last night.

He needed help in the office, I knew he did. He gets overwhelmed when it comes to paperwork. But knowing I was in pain and also taking care of the kids and meals, etc, he only asked me about helping him with a couple small things.
He got me medicine when I needed it before going upstairs.

Also, when we went to bed, he asked how he could help. I cuddled up to him and tried to get comfortable but my back and neck were still in pain.
He rubbed my back, didn't complain when I was moving around trying to alleviate my discomfort, made sure the tissue box was near me, and didn't complain when my tears dripped all over his chest. If fact, he welcomed it.

I appreciate so much that he showed me love and commitment in those moments when I felt like a burden and a pain.

So even though, I ended up laying on my back with an ice pack under my shoulder, he held my hand while we fell asleep.

I love him.
That's what love is all about.
And I so appreciate the man that God gave me.

High Pain Day

So yesterday was painful for me..
I'm not sure what body part it started with. I just know that a lot of them were affected and i tried my hardest not to take pain meds, but to take care of it naturally (different parts of my back, neck, shoulders, hands, elbows, knees, right foot, jaw). I ended up taking two Advil to be able to sleep and laid on my back with an ice pack under my left shoulder blade. It was the first time I wore support to bed.. ankle and right shoulder.

It felt very weird brushing my teeth and my hair with my left hand because my right shoulder hurt too much to use. 

If this isn't EDS, I don't know what is. (haven't officially gotten my diagnosis)

I had my diffuser going with tea tree oil and eucalyptus (my daughter was home sick, too), i used my heat pad and shoulder massager a couple times during the day. I ended up using most of my body wraps.. 
right shoulder, back brace, right elbow, right knee and right ankle. 
Still ended the night with the heat pad and the shoulder massager again. 

There was a spot in my back that hurt like an 8 on a scale of 1-10 if i moved wrong or put pressure on it.. imagine the tears when i attempted to roll it out with a tennis ball. That was also the spot where my rib subluxed last week. I didn't know subluxation could cause further injury.. just found that out. 

Used my compression gloves quite a bit as well, felt like i should have ace wrapped my whole left arm. 

I was glad to be able to keep in touch with a friend of mine who deals with similar problems day to day. I'm just glad that (a blessing for me) I don't dislocate my joints.. at least I haven't yet. 

I was glad that I was able to finish a sewing project and start another one, do a load of dishes and take care of some laundry. The rest of the day ended up just being self-care.. lots of rest, oils, wraps and stretching. 
Praise God that I didn't have to work, and I was able to on top of my own pain, care for my sick child and help my husband with some computer work for taxes. 

The Purse Isn't Mine ;)

So.. moms.. what percent of your purse is actually yours? ;)
Not a loaded question.. I just found it funny the other day when my husband totally contradicted himself and didn't realize it. He asked me to put his second tiny wallet in my purse along with his gift cards (luckily, they all fit perfectly into the zipper pouch i keep my travel oils in).. and then he asked "why is your purse so big?".
Well dear, where do you think your things are going right now? What things in this purse are actually just mine instead of being the kids' or having to do with you or the kids, or that i share with you all? HAHA.

So let's see here.. 
My oils are shared, the hair ties aren't mine, the sanitizer is shared (by the way there are two of them, in case the girls don't like the one i use), the wallet (yes my wallet) is shared, two sets of gloves (both mine.. stretchy for cold weather, and compression for arthritis), travel tissues (shared), mints (shared), lip stuff (shared), glasses cleaner (shared).. 
I could really honestly keep going.. but you know what I love about this? 

Even though my purse is full, and sometimes I think i should get a bigger one or get rid of something in it and downsize.. my purse is the perfect size, because it's not just about me. 
My purse is perfect because i'm a mom and a wife. 
My purse holds love. 
My purse is a traveling care station for anything anyone could need.. including nail clippers, bandaids, a file and clear polish for when they rip a nail, get a run in their tights, or fall down. 

My purse is a tool for showing that I care. ;) 

Monday, January 30, 2017

Shape me, Mold me

So this morning I weighed myself before my shower and i'm down to 164. A few months ago i was 168, at one point i saw 170.5 on the scale and about cried. Not a happy camper. Unfortunately with the changes in my body over the last couple years, it's been harder to exercise the way I want to so I was getting frustrated. But recently I have been making changes in my diet, changes in how i take care of myself, changes in prioritizing things and apparently it's paying off because I am still staying strong, not pushing myself past what my body limits tell me, and I always have a snack at night, I always know i'm gonna be a night time snacker, but i've been making different choices snacking at night. Instead of grabbing a handful of chocolates or some cheesy chips or something like that, I've been grabbing/introducing different foods like coconut or homemade guacamole and with pita chips, and I am NOT depriving myself of my occasional alcoholic drink because that is my treat to myself. Everybody has their own little treat and I like to have dark chocolate and a nice glass of wine or a frufru frozen mix or whatever.

Buy anyways. I have been trying to cut out more preserved foods because I've noticed they trigger inflammation in my joints. So say for instance pasta, if i use organic pasta noodles vs the cheap pasta noodles, even though they cost a little more it makes a big difference in how my body feels. So it's just really good to see the actual results starting to show of the hard work that i'm putting in. And like, my job now, i'm sitting behind a desk and it's only a couple days a week which is good because I'm not as sedentary. Because i'm only sitting like 2-3 days a week, and when i'm sitting i have a greek yogurt or pistachios or i make myself like a spinach salad with turkey in it and using olive oil instead of fatty dressings.

So i'm very grateful to see the positive starting to show out of these changes that i'm making. And also just making myself more of a priority as well. I'm feeling better psychologically and i'm feeling better emotionally. Just reprioritizing my life, making sure like say the girls are home from school because of a snow day or something, if i'm off work that day and they're home with me, i have been making it a priority to go to the gym anyway, and either have Jaz get on the treadmill beside me and if she doesn't want to the kids can grab a basketball or volleyball and play together. So instead of just staying home and saying "oh the kids are home, i can't take care of myself today, i can't exercise", i'm making it a priority to go anyways and show them 1. i'm not going to let things get in the way of taking care of myself and 2. giving them time and other things they can do as sisters.

And also, i got some books for Christmas with devotionals in them, and i'm trying not to be a book hoarder so if i know it's something i'm not going to read, i'm passing them on to other people that i know can benefit from them. And the books that i'm keeping because they look like something i would actually do, i'm doing them. i'm not saying "oh i have that chicken soup book, those are good books, i like those books" and then just let it sit on the shelf. No, i'm getting it out and reading it. I might not be consistent because day to day, it should be something different in the way that i learn. It could be that the Verse of the Day spoke to me that day and i got something out of God's word. But at least i'm getting my OWN views, my OWN thoughts and my OWN beliefs instead of reading some devotional that was written by someone else and letting their words be truth and leave it at that. No, i need to think for myself. So i'm really enjoying seeing the fruits of all this physical and emotional labor really starting to shape me and my house. It's exciting.

Praise God for opening my eyes and helping me to see how I can change.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Matthew 7:7

Verse of the Day

Mathew 7:7
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Have you ever actually asked God for the things you want?
Actually talked to Him about the desires of your heart?

I mean, obviously He knows your wants and He knows your needs.. but just because He knows everything doesn't mean He's going to act without us saying something. He's not asking for permission to bless you.. but He wants us to vocalize the things we want.
It's like when i'm at work (i work at a family exercise facility), and a kid is coming in for volleyball practice.. they can stand at the gate and stare at me all they want, but i'm not going to let them through until they say "i have volleyball practice, can you please let me in?".

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and compare Him to Santa at this point. I'm sure your kids write out a list of things they want every Christmas, but until they actually sit at his feet (or on his lap) and say "Hey Santa, I would really like this".. doesn't mean he's going to get them everything they want. But it's more solid than just writing him a list and having him pick one and hoping he picked the right one. He wants to know which item you really really want. I know, I know, fairy tales and gobbledy gook, but you get the gist.

And really, I feel that once you verbalize what you really want, I think it's more solid in your own mind, too. Not just speaking it out to God, but solidifying in your own heart and mind that this is really something you would want in your life. And maybe, if needed, you can take a step toward getting it; making it happen.

Another part to this is once you ask, God also blesses those who work hard. So if He sees that you are fervent about asking for something and then working towards it, He is more likely to bless those who work vs those are say "Hey God, i want this" and do nothing towards achieving that goal.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

pouring out my heart

(WARNING: BAD GRAMMAR AND RUN ON SENTENCES- this is just me speaking openly)

Today for my blog i just want to say that I just feel extremely grateful at this point in my life, at least today and like the last week or so i've just been really grateful for a lot of things.

For one, i'm grateful for the talent God gave me to make things for other people, to help sew anything for other people, just in general, to create with my hands to be able to others in that way. Because he gave me a passion to want to help other people and he also gave me a passion to be creative and i love that i get to use a sewing machine and beads and hand sew things and take a yard of material and create something new out of it, and take old things and make something new out of them. I'm just very grateful for that gift that He's given me.. both of those gifts, being helpful and being creative.

Next i am grateful for the parent that He is making me. i'm grateful for the children that He has entrusted me with. My oldest daughter, Jazmine, has been sick all week with different things and I'm just grateful that He gave her to me to take care of for a couple of reasons. she is an amazing child.. she has a heart of gold, she's very sensitive emotionally. she is also creative but in a different way.. for an example, she likes to use her pottery wheel (which ironically, i had one and used it when i was young). another example, she likes to use mixed mediums to create art. for instance i picked up a free picture frame with just glass in it, no photo, at a garage sale and she took the glass and she painted the glass. so instead of just taking a piece of cardboard and drawing something on it and painting the item, she took glass, totally blank clear canvas, nothing at all as a background, and she just created like this rainbow of color on it with paint, and it's like textured so it's really cool.
another reason i'm glad I'm her mom is because something i've been learning over the last year about myself is about my health. i've been digging more into why things work the way they work, the human body and why my body is working the way it's working, and not working the way it should be, and mental health and why sometimes i think the way i think and feel the way i feel, and with Jazmine, i'm finding a lot of that in her as well. so i'm grateful that i'm her mother because i can take these things that i'm learning about my health and apply them in certain ways to learning about HER health. so with her being home sick a lot this week, i'm grateful that i know sort of where it's coming from.

Another reason that i'm grateful.. this house that we have owned for now the past year and a half, it may seem small for a family of 5, but i just absolutely adore this house. i just adore it. it's just.. i can't really put that into words. it's just so perfect for us, it's crazy. it's a simple older home and it's just amazing.

Another thing i am grateful for is my husband. he and i have both gone through counseling separately over the last couple years and we've been learning things about ourselves personally separately and that's been helping us together emotionally and in the family and with work and just in general. it's really been great to see the changes in myself, to see the changes in him and to really see it start impacting our family and our work and everything for the better.

Another thing i'm super grateful for right now is my Other best friend. There's Brian and then there is Beth. she lives in Colorado, i have known her since high school and for a few years we were detached from each other and i didn't know why we weren't talking. i feel like i forgot about her at some point and maybe she forgot about me at some point and there was a lot that happened in those few years and in the last year and a half we've reconnected. there's been a lot of discussion about what happened when we were disconnected and she as well has been having some similar health problems that i have. she's been talking to me about it and doing some similar research and come to find out, a little bit of back story, she and i have lived very similar parallel lives. she got married a month before i did, we used to go to church together, we used to worship together, and now she and i have both been married for 13 years, she had 2 daughters, i have 3 daughters. her oldest is the same age as my oldest, and now she having the same health problems i'm having, her oldest is having the same problems Jaz is having. it's been really interesting seeing the differences and the similarities still between me and her, and even though i felt back in high school when we were best friends, kindred spirits and there was really nothing that we couldn't keep from each other.. blah blah blah.. i've really been feeling since we've reconnected that it's still so valid. we still are just so similar and i really feel that we are very kindred spirits even though things have changed over the last 13 years and we don't necessarily believe the same ways we used to or have the same relationships we used to, we're still very connected and it's that relationship where you can tell each other anything and i'm just very grateful for that. not everybody gets that kind of relationship.

another thing that i have found myself very grateful for in the last year.. because of my work history.. i've held a lot of different positions since i started working back in high school. for a couple years when Brian and i were first married, we had kids, we had a house (that got foreclosed on), and i was basically grabbing any job i could just because we had no income and we had to make ends meet. so i've had a lot of different jobs and i worked at kohl for 5.5 years and that job was fantastic! but i've had a lot of negative in the small jobs that i've had, the ones that i've tried to do because we needed something. like people having let me go for certain reasons, like jobs that were temp jobs so in 3 months you're not gonna have a job anymore, so i've had bad experience with just not fitting where i feel like i need to fit, or just being somewhere and knowing that it's really not working for me but i need it. so over the last year i've actually had 4 different jobs and finally where i am now i really am so grateful for the position that i am in because i have wanted and felt called to be there for a while now. when i finally got that connection saying "yes, we've accepted into this new position and we can't wait for you to start" and all of this, God has really just opened that door and physically, emotionally, spiritually, family wise, monetarily, just everything i feel has led up to where i am working now and it's just such a good feeling to know that when i go into work, if i'm having a bad day someone's gonna cheer me up, if i really don't feel like what i'm doing there is enough there's always something that happens that cements that for me that says "you know what, this is why you're here". it's just been really really great just know that where i am now is exactly where i should be. and i'm so grateful that God has just been a guide for us and a light for us.

in the end, even though life is never gonna be perfect.. i'm gonna tell you right now.. life is good.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017


Today's post is about something I encountered this morning while I was working out.

Man watching HGTV on my elliptical this morning made me really think about the "i need" and "i want" that we fall into so easily. Things that this world values.. are really not valuable. 

A mom and dad were looking for a new home for themselves and their two young daughters (4 and 6). What they said they NEEDed astounded me. And like.. this mom was adamant about what they needed, too. Like there's no way around this. 
.. a family of 4 NEEDS two full bathrooms.. NEEDS a big master bedroom.. HATES the old counters that are like maybe 10 years old "so outdated".. 

The master bedrooms in these homes she was being shown were bigger than ours is and she said it looked cramped. 
The counters were actually pretty nice.. but to them they were old and they NEEDed to update them. 
I mean sure, our counters are old, too. They probably will end up being replaced at some point.. but i'm going to use them and preserve the character of them for as long as I possibly can. 

I'm so grateful for the antique counters in my house, the shared bedrooms, small closets, and the one small bathroom that makes us practice patience, helps us enjoy simplicity, helps us be a more intimate closer family. So grateful for where God has brought us. Our own perfect home.
What I NEED is to purge what I DONT NEED and create space and time in life for things that are important. 
And so glad I know where my priorities lie.. 
Material gain is worth nothing when i leave this world.

Being thankful is so much more than this..
It's realizing that simplicity really brings out the important things that can easily get buried by what WE deem important.
I'm thankful for a cup of coffee
I'm thankful for a well that has not run dry
I'm thankful for a back yard for my kids to safely play in
I'm thankful for a church that welcomes anybody and everybody, no matter who you are
I'm thankful for 2 cars
I'm thankful for electricity and gas lines
I'm thankful for a bus that picks up my children and safely brings them to school.. a good school.. with teachers that care
I'm thankful that I can eat three meals a day.. and have food left over for a snack!
I'm thankful for the breath God put in my body, the bed he gave me to sleep in, the clothing I wear so I'm not cold, and the roof over my head that is not falling apart.

Thank you God for the fact that the sun came up and I'm able to see it.

And I puzzle and worry about those around us who are so blinded to what really matters.. hoping I can be the hand of God and open their eyes to see what they really have. 

Monday, January 9, 2017

1 Thessalonians 4:11

Verse of the Day

1 Thessalonians 4:11
Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before.

It's true.. we are a nosy nation!
It's hard to keep your personal life to yourself, it's easy to get into someone else's business.. and there's a fine line between being a concerned friend/neighbor and a nosy nelly.
The easiest way to know what people want you to know about themselves is... let them tell you.
If they haven't made something publicly known, or they haven't hinted that they want to tell you something.. stay out of it.
I mean yes, there are friends that are closer than brothers and sometimes we can just tell if there's something wrong/off and we need to say something. But really.. a lot of times.. if that person isn't willing to share information, it's not yours to know about.

Work with your hands.
We were given bodies.. that function, for the most part.. and we are to use those bodies to physically do work. Wash your own dishes, walk to your mailbox, put things where they belong.. but don't just do things to be busy. Working with your hands doesn't just mean "stay busy". It means "use what God gave you". We were all gifted in many different ways.. I believe the word "hands" here also means "your talent".
Use your talent in a useful way. Do what God gave you to do! :)

And He hasn't just said this once.. this verse is in the new testament.. God has told us these things before. We just don't listen very well.

Just like a parent to their child.. we have to repeat ourselves until our kids listen AND obey.

So let's stop being bratty children.. and listen AND obey our heavenly Father.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Hide it under a bushel.. no! Matthew 5:16

Verse of the Day
Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father.

I've never been one to boast about good things I've done.
And I feel like if I do something nice for someone, I shouldn't be like "look what I did".

But at the same time.. I AM supposed to let God's light shine through me.

So the talents He has given me, the person He's made me.. I need to show my faith more and not hide the good things He's doing in my life and through me.

So instead of thinking that I'm boasting about myself, I need to remember that I'm boasting about how great my God is, and that I want to show Him through my actions and my words.

It reminds me of a song that we used to sing when we were little in Sunday School.
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..."
"Hide it under a bushel.. no! I'm gonna let it shine..."
"Don't let Satan *blow* it out.. I'm gonna let it shine..."
"Shine all over the neighborhood.. I'm gonna let it shine..."

I can't let the Devil get the best of me and hide who I am in Christ.

That's another reason I'm keeping this blog and writing more about my beliefs as well. So I can share my gifts and my insight with other people. Even if only 1 person gets something out of what I say, it'll be worth it.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Learning and Growing

So.. I'm excited and grateful for what this last year has been for me.
Especially within the last couple months.

First of all, my health.

Second of all, my relationships with other people.

Third and possibly last, really finding out who I am.

Healthwise, I have had a couple different things brought to light that might explain why my body has been acting the way it has more and more. I have osteoarthritis, my hips are whopper-jawed (have a double lift in my right shoe), easily have sciatic nerve problems, easily twist my ankles, shoulders, and have had plantar fasciitis at least twice (just now figured out what it was and my PT gave me some stretches to do).

There is a possibility of EDS (ehlers-danlos syndrome)- this seems like the mostly likely the more I learn about the way things are working and connecting. Also possibility of JHS (joint hyper mobility syndrome), Fibromyalgia, TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder), POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).. and i'm not done searching. I've been doing a lot of homework.
I've learned that it's ok to need to use certain things that support my body when needed.. knee wraps, ankle wrap, back brace, compression gloves, and (a big leap for me) a cane. 
I'm learning how to listen to my body, know how much energy I have on any given day, how hard I can push myself or if i need to rest. 
And being able to not take it to heart if someone looks at me like I really don't have anything wrong with me, even though I know it's more important to listen to what my body is saying. 

My relationships with other people.. hasn't been as hard as I thought. It's been hard to take certain steps, like clearing out certain people from my Facebook for instance. But it's been liberating and calming. Being able to clear the negativity from my life. It's helping with my anxiety, with my focus, with my parenting, with just the way I view myself. It feels great to just have more clarity and space in my mind. 

I also feel as though this has been helping how I connect with my husband, helping me be more intimate (not just physically, but being able to speak more freely and just be more of myself like I used to).

This has been a great journey for me to find out who I am really am, be able to dig inside my own brain and see how I really feel about things, what I really believe, my own opinions and views.

I feel like I was gifted with the ability to see the truth in anybody's point of view.. but that also makes it hard for me to know what I really think about things, as well.
So for instance, instead of reading pre-prepared devotions (which didn't seem like I was getting anything out of) I've started reading the "Verse of the Day" and recording my own thoughts and views on them and it's REALLY BEEN HELPING! I feel like I'm more connected to my faith, more connected to myself, and more able to connect truthfully and freely with other people.

I praise God for the opportunities I've been given this last year, the people I've connected with, and I look forward to more learning and growing in 2017!