sometimes..

sometimes i feel motivated..
sometimes i don't

sometimes i just feel like doing nothing
sometimes i know what i have to do... and i really do have to do it. but i just don't want to. it can take all of me to get off my butt and start..

sometimes..
i need more sleep
or i just need to cuddle
or i just need one more cup of coffee

i'm just not playful anymore
i'm just not young anymore
i'm just not..

it feels like there's so much of me i've already used

and i know there's more of me to offer
more of me to give
but.. i don't want to
or
i'm just not feeling.. up to it

i have no motivation of my own anymore.
it takes someone saying "can you make this for me?" or "can you do this for me?"
or "please finish this" or "this is what needs to be done" for me to even want to do more.

there is an end.. there is a point of exhaustion.. and i'm not even old. i just really feel like i need to rest more than i used to.. this body, these eyes, this mind.. can only take so much anymore. i have to learn my stopping point.. and just stop.

or i'll wear myself out

........
this is actually why i took my most recent action of minimizing my online store
i can no longer keep up with running a business myself, and there really isn't enough to keep it going. so i do what i do.. and i make some extra cash for myself.

and i learn my new job to the best of my ability.. and i just keep plugging along. :) because if i didn't have a job.. i'd go crazy lol. i'd be too bored