Verse of the Day
Luke 2:13-14
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly hose appeared with the angel, praising God and saying "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests".
Jesus birth brought glory to God. :)
And God also promises peace to anyone on earth who believes in Him!
Now that isn't to say we won't struggle, we will definitely struggle! But He brings peace to those to rest and abide in Him.
We can also bring glory to God in how WE live. Being like Jesus.
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Friday, December 16, 2016
1 Corinthians 13:6-7
Verse of the Day
1 Corinthians 13:6-7
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres.
True unabashed love for another will never be negative. Not saying that we won't bring to light things that need to be addressed.. but it's done in the right way. It's done with compassion. Knowing that the heart behind it is genuine and caring.
Be that person.. Be that friend.. Be the love that people need.
--------------
You know this actually goes along with something i was thinking this morning.
I went to Dollar General this morning to get a few fun Christmas things, and at the register they asked if i wanted to spend $1 for toys for tots or donate $1 to St Jude's. You know what, why not?
I chose to do both and the cashiers response was priceless.. Because I donated to St Jude's I got to put my name on the wall on this paper that says "I donated.. " yay me. I was like.. I really don't need my name on a wall, I just want to be helpful. He was so appreciative.. for $2. Really? People can't do this more often? Be helpful? for $1?
This morning I literally cried because I was so happy with the snow and gloves and Santa hats.. It's so beautiful.
This time of year is just very touching for me. I've always loved it, and the small things I can do to brighten it for someone else.. I will do all I can.
If my Santa hat makes someone laugh.. i've done my job.
If my smile is the only one they've seen all day.. i've done my job.
If I can spend $1 to help a child or a cause have a better Christmas.. i've done my job.
I always want the light put inside of me by my Creator to shine.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres.
True unabashed love for another will never be negative. Not saying that we won't bring to light things that need to be addressed.. but it's done in the right way. It's done with compassion. Knowing that the heart behind it is genuine and caring.
Be that person.. Be that friend.. Be the love that people need.
--------------
You know this actually goes along with something i was thinking this morning.
I went to Dollar General this morning to get a few fun Christmas things, and at the register they asked if i wanted to spend $1 for toys for tots or donate $1 to St Jude's. You know what, why not?
I chose to do both and the cashiers response was priceless.. Because I donated to St Jude's I got to put my name on the wall on this paper that says "I donated.. " yay me. I was like.. I really don't need my name on a wall, I just want to be helpful. He was so appreciative.. for $2. Really? People can't do this more often? Be helpful? for $1?
This morning I literally cried because I was so happy with the snow and gloves and Santa hats.. It's so beautiful.
This time of year is just very touching for me. I've always loved it, and the small things I can do to brighten it for someone else.. I will do all I can.
If my Santa hat makes someone laugh.. i've done my job.
If my smile is the only one they've seen all day.. i've done my job.
If I can spend $1 to help a child or a cause have a better Christmas.. i've done my job.
I always want the light put inside of me by my Creator to shine.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
James 3:9-10
Verse of the day
James 3:9-10
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
Why do we do this?
Why do we curse and bless with the same mouth, even sometimes in the same breath?
The devil has a hold on our tongues.
We must deter him from our thoughts and our mouths.
It's a pretty self explanatory verse.. controlling our tongues is probably one of the HARDEST things to do!
James 3:9-10
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
Why do we do this?
Why do we curse and bless with the same mouth, even sometimes in the same breath?
The devil has a hold on our tongues.
We must deter him from our thoughts and our mouths.
It's a pretty self explanatory verse.. controlling our tongues is probably one of the HARDEST things to do!
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Isaiah 40:29-31
Verse of the Day
not from the Bible App this time!
I was given this verse this morning by a close friend, i checked my phone when I woke up and she had sent this to me! Thank you dear friend!
I've had a lesson in trust and humility lately. I've been in positions that made me feel helpless or hurting or just not like I have any control. And i'm learning that i'm not SUPPOSED to be in control. I NEED to not be in control.. because if I AM on control, that means God isn't.
God pours out His blessings on those who are faithful and trusting.. and I feel like since I cried out to Him and let go of my issues (a couple weeks ago), blessings have been coming more and more.
I've also been dealing with more physical issues over the last few years, and the strength that I find from these verses is overwhelming and I'm so grateful for the words from scripture this dear friend spoke to me.
If early in the morning you seek His face, you put your mind in the right place! (that just came out of my brain, i'm not sure if that's actually a quote somewhere.)
Isaiah 40:29-31New Living Translation (NLT)
29 He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
30 Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.🐝🕇🌸❄
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Hebrews 9:28
Verse of the Day
Hebrews 9:28
so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.
So Christ (Jesus) was sacrificed for us.. meaning that He died for us to take away our sin.
"he will appear a second time.. to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him"
He will come back.. it's scripture. That's what we as Christians are waiting for.. but in the meantime, our mission it to spread the truth of Him. We don't want to be the only ones waiting for Him to come back, we want other people to know the truth about Him so that everyone who believes in the truth of God will be able to go be with Him in heaven.
(by the way.. this time my 10 year old helped me dissect this verse! a lot of these were brainstormed by her! SUPER PROUD MOMMY MOMENT)
Hebrews 9:28
so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.
So Christ (Jesus) was sacrificed for us.. meaning that He died for us to take away our sin.
"he will appear a second time.. to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him"
He will come back.. it's scripture. That's what we as Christians are waiting for.. but in the meantime, our mission it to spread the truth of Him. We don't want to be the only ones waiting for Him to come back, we want other people to know the truth about Him so that everyone who believes in the truth of God will be able to go be with Him in heaven.
(by the way.. this time my 10 year old helped me dissect this verse! a lot of these were brainstormed by her! SUPER PROUD MOMMY MOMENT)
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
John 1:14
Verse of the day
John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
There are so many facets to this verse.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.. Jesus was born as a baby and lived among us, like a normal person. The best part of Him as a person was that He lived a perfect life. He was CAPABLE of sin, capable of rebelling against His heavenly Father.. but he didn't. He chose to shun all sin from permeating his perfect being, which makes Him the perfect sacrifice, the perfect pure lamb that was slaughtered.
We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son.. He grew up around normal people, people who knew him from a baby, a toddler, a teen, and up into adulthood. Those same people (and many more) were eye witnesses to His ministry, the miracles He performed, the wisdom that He spoke. And they wrote about it, in the book called the Bible. Even today we see the miracle of God all around us; the details in a baby's growth in the womb, the smallest vein in a leaf on a tree, the minuscule crystals of a snowflake that build up into a mountain of snow, the kindness of a smile from a stranger.
We have physically seen His glory.
Who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.. God did not have to watch his Son go through life as a human, He chose to send him here to show us what grace really is. Burdening Jesus with all of our sins so heavy that His soul literally sank to the abyss of Hell to leave them there so He could return, pure again, to his home with his Father in heaven. He didn't have to. We didn't earn that.
Grace: the free unmerited favor of God.
And to think, all we have to do is believe these words are truth, and accept that we aren't perfect, and the only way we will ever be able to be with him in heaven and not burn in fire forever is to say "i'm sorry, please forgive me. please be with me and guide me. i believe in you."
John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
There are so many facets to this verse.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.. Jesus was born as a baby and lived among us, like a normal person. The best part of Him as a person was that He lived a perfect life. He was CAPABLE of sin, capable of rebelling against His heavenly Father.. but he didn't. He chose to shun all sin from permeating his perfect being, which makes Him the perfect sacrifice, the perfect pure lamb that was slaughtered.
We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son.. He grew up around normal people, people who knew him from a baby, a toddler, a teen, and up into adulthood. Those same people (and many more) were eye witnesses to His ministry, the miracles He performed, the wisdom that He spoke. And they wrote about it, in the book called the Bible. Even today we see the miracle of God all around us; the details in a baby's growth in the womb, the smallest vein in a leaf on a tree, the minuscule crystals of a snowflake that build up into a mountain of snow, the kindness of a smile from a stranger.
We have physically seen His glory.
Who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.. God did not have to watch his Son go through life as a human, He chose to send him here to show us what grace really is. Burdening Jesus with all of our sins so heavy that His soul literally sank to the abyss of Hell to leave them there so He could return, pure again, to his home with his Father in heaven. He didn't have to. We didn't earn that.
Grace: the free unmerited favor of God.
And to think, all we have to do is believe these words are truth, and accept that we aren't perfect, and the only way we will ever be able to be with him in heaven and not burn in fire forever is to say "i'm sorry, please forgive me. please be with me and guide me. i believe in you."
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
James 1:2-3
Verse of the Day
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Oh wow. Where do I begin.
It's so true.
We go through so many trials in life. And most of the time we question why.. or just try to get through it ourselves.. It takes a lot to be able to think of a trial as a good thing.
It is though.. trials are tests. They can make us stronger.
And when it tests our faith, it shows us how truly strong in Christ we are.
Ironically it can be hard to lean on or reach out to the One who can help us the most, even in the hard times, when it should be easiest to cry out for Him.
I know for myself it can be hard to surrender, though I want to so badly, there's part of me that wants to continue holding on. But I know it's better when I give it all to Him.
Let the testings and trials of today make you stronger, and learn to persevere in faith.
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Oh wow. Where do I begin.
It's so true.
We go through so many trials in life. And most of the time we question why.. or just try to get through it ourselves.. It takes a lot to be able to think of a trial as a good thing.
It is though.. trials are tests. They can make us stronger.
And when it tests our faith, it shows us how truly strong in Christ we are.
Ironically it can be hard to lean on or reach out to the One who can help us the most, even in the hard times, when it should be easiest to cry out for Him.
I know for myself it can be hard to surrender, though I want to so badly, there's part of me that wants to continue holding on. But I know it's better when I give it all to Him.
Let the testings and trials of today make you stronger, and learn to persevere in faith.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Today..
So lately, I've been trying to read books or the Bible or try to get more into worship, or just really anything to connect more with God, and I'm finding that no matter if it's a devotion on my phone app or a book in front of me, or just singing to a song on the radio, I'm feeling like my connection with God is stagnant.
So I'm going to try something different.
Today.
Today I'm going to begin a new journey. I'm going to read through my verse of the day (on the Bible app) and then through my blog, I'm going to write what I think, what I feel, how the verse speaks to me.
Even if nobody else reads it, I believe this is my next step of faith. To dig more inside of myself to find what my faith really means to me personally.
So without further ado..
Today.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
I think this tells us that we really, in the end, aren't going to know all the answers. Sometimes, even though we research and we contemplate and we think and we try to figure out.. we aren't going to know all the answers.
Now that DOESN'T mean to quit. To me that means to slow down and instead of making ourselves go crazy, enjoy the process of learning. Little things here and there, bits and pieces that fit more into the puzzle. Just really thinking about what we believe and how we believe and WHY we believe the way we do.
We aren't going to understand God ever completely. But we can strive to learn as much about Him as humanly possible.
So let's dive more.. and search more.. and enjoy the wonder and fulfillment of learning what we can about this Awesome Being.
So I'm going to try something different.
Today.
Today I'm going to begin a new journey. I'm going to read through my verse of the day (on the Bible app) and then through my blog, I'm going to write what I think, what I feel, how the verse speaks to me.
Even if nobody else reads it, I believe this is my next step of faith. To dig more inside of myself to find what my faith really means to me personally.
So without further ado..
Today.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
I think this tells us that we really, in the end, aren't going to know all the answers. Sometimes, even though we research and we contemplate and we think and we try to figure out.. we aren't going to know all the answers.
Now that DOESN'T mean to quit. To me that means to slow down and instead of making ourselves go crazy, enjoy the process of learning. Little things here and there, bits and pieces that fit more into the puzzle. Just really thinking about what we believe and how we believe and WHY we believe the way we do.
We aren't going to understand God ever completely. But we can strive to learn as much about Him as humanly possible.
So let's dive more.. and search more.. and enjoy the wonder and fulfillment of learning what we can about this Awesome Being.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Confirmation
So I know I just got back to working retail less than two months ago… But I've been trying to get a certain job for the last two years, and they finally just hired me on. I start working at the Christian Family Centre tomorrow.
It's nerve-racking and exciting for a few reasons. For one I've always wanted to be part of Lenawee Christian schools and their mission and just how I feel when I'm there. It feels like family. For a second reason, they are not open on Sundays, the pay is better, the environment is fantastic, and I feel like I really have the ability to make a difference. It really really fits me. And for another thing, working retail for the last two months I realize that the reasons I left this job last year are still very pertinent. And I need to make my faith and my family more of A priority. Working retail, I basically have to fight to not work nights and weekends, as a Christian I am not supposed to work on Sundays, that is God's day and that is my families day… end of story. So I'm going to have to make a decision to leave retail for good, because it just does not work with my family life anymore.
I'm thankful for the clarity that I've gotten on this matter, it's definitely a hard decision, but I need to move forward and I need to put this in my past. For good.
Something else that I have learned from this is sometimes we need to be broken down to be built back up. Over the last year I've gone from leaving retail to going back to retail because two other jobs that I had just didn't fit. I feel like I've had a lot of brokenness and now God is building me back up. I feel like the reason I didn't get the job when I apply for it last year was because I had to go through what I've been through to learn more about what I need and what God is going to do in me .
It's nerve-racking and exciting for a few reasons. For one I've always wanted to be part of Lenawee Christian schools and their mission and just how I feel when I'm there. It feels like family. For a second reason, they are not open on Sundays, the pay is better, the environment is fantastic, and I feel like I really have the ability to make a difference. It really really fits me. And for another thing, working retail for the last two months I realize that the reasons I left this job last year are still very pertinent. And I need to make my faith and my family more of A priority. Working retail, I basically have to fight to not work nights and weekends, as a Christian I am not supposed to work on Sundays, that is God's day and that is my families day… end of story. So I'm going to have to make a decision to leave retail for good, because it just does not work with my family life anymore.
I'm thankful for the clarity that I've gotten on this matter, it's definitely a hard decision, but I need to move forward and I need to put this in my past. For good.
Something else that I have learned from this is sometimes we need to be broken down to be built back up. Over the last year I've gone from leaving retail to going back to retail because two other jobs that I had just didn't fit. I feel like I've had a lot of brokenness and now God is building me back up. I feel like the reason I didn't get the job when I apply for it last year was because I had to go through what I've been through to learn more about what I need and what God is going to do in me .
Standing out versus fitting in
I have this constant struggle with myself feeling like I don't want to be recognized for things, I don't want to stand out, I don't want to be pointed out as someone who did something amazing… I want to just fit in and not be noticed. But I feel like the reason God gifted me with what he did… Singing, sewing, a heart for helping people… That I am meant to stand out more. It's definitely an uncomfortable feeling.
I have to keep in mind that being a Christian, my life is definitely not about being comfortable. I have to step out in faith quite a bit and just trust that whatever happens, God's got the best for me.
I have to keep in mind that being a Christian, my life is definitely not about being comfortable. I have to step out in faith quite a bit and just trust that whatever happens, God's got the best for me.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Transformation
So again , because of my internal wiring and my personality , I am again going to attempt to stand up for myself more and take better care of myself.
I feel like there are times in life we feel more confident and complete, and it really is like an eb and flow. At least for me.
I have three daughters and I want them to be confident women… but do they see that in me? Because that's where they will learn it from.
its time I stop letting the world around me push me around and stand up for who I am and what I believe in.
I'm wearing makeup today.. Because it makes me feel pretty.
I washed my face this morning and last night .. Because Makes me feel fresh and clean, and I know my skin is healthier for it.
I'm wearing sneakers to work today .. Because I know they will give me the support I need to not feel pain.
I'm going to change my availability at work because I need to stick up for time with my family and time for myself.
I have been taking every chance I can get to exercise.. Because it makes me feel strong and helps me stay flexible. I don't like being stiff and feeling old.
Let's hope I keep being true to myself and living the life God would want me to.. My body is a temple and my family is a gift. Help me to not take that for granted.
I feel like there are times in life we feel more confident and complete, and it really is like an eb and flow. At least for me.
I have three daughters and I want them to be confident women… but do they see that in me? Because that's where they will learn it from.
its time I stop letting the world around me push me around and stand up for who I am and what I believe in.
I'm wearing makeup today.. Because it makes me feel pretty.
I washed my face this morning and last night .. Because Makes me feel fresh and clean, and I know my skin is healthier for it.
I'm wearing sneakers to work today .. Because I know they will give me the support I need to not feel pain.
I'm going to change my availability at work because I need to stick up for time with my family and time for myself.
I have been taking every chance I can get to exercise.. Because it makes me feel strong and helps me stay flexible. I don't like being stiff and feeling old.
Let's hope I keep being true to myself and living the life God would want me to.. My body is a temple and my family is a gift. Help me to not take that for granted.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Anxiety and depression… No laughing matter
I know you all haven't heard from me in a while, nobody might even read this page. But I feel like this is a good place for me to unload what is happening inside of me.
Within the last year I had found out I deal with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression. It has been very hard to deal with, as I feel like it has started taking over and replacing the "who I am" of me.
I'm also in a situation right now where I have been offered one of my old jobs back, but I am also still trying to find a good employment opportunity that would fit mine and my family's needs.
Right now I don't feel like doing anything, I feel tired, I feel lazy, I feel like no matter what I do it's not going to matter. I feel very sad and I don't feel like I have an opinion. It's very hard for me to make decisions on my own, I basically feel like my life needs to be multiple-choice so I can choose what I'm going to do from a list, not actually come up with something myself.
I haven't felt like crafting in a little while now, which is crazy because I'm a very crafty person. I love to scrapbook, I love to so, I like to do interesting things with my kids… And I have had no desire to do any of that for probably at least two months. I have stepped out of my role volunteering in my church nursery because I don't feel like I fit really anywhere right now.
I feel like things that I should remember easily, I just don't remember. That makes me very frustrated at home because if I forget something that my husband has asked me to do or a certain way something is supposed to be done, I feel terrible.
To Be continued ..
Within the last year I had found out I deal with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression. It has been very hard to deal with, as I feel like it has started taking over and replacing the "who I am" of me.
I'm also in a situation right now where I have been offered one of my old jobs back, but I am also still trying to find a good employment opportunity that would fit mine and my family's needs.
Right now I don't feel like doing anything, I feel tired, I feel lazy, I feel like no matter what I do it's not going to matter. I feel very sad and I don't feel like I have an opinion. It's very hard for me to make decisions on my own, I basically feel like my life needs to be multiple-choice so I can choose what I'm going to do from a list, not actually come up with something myself.
I haven't felt like crafting in a little while now, which is crazy because I'm a very crafty person. I love to scrapbook, I love to so, I like to do interesting things with my kids… And I have had no desire to do any of that for probably at least two months. I have stepped out of my role volunteering in my church nursery because I don't feel like I fit really anywhere right now.
I feel like things that I should remember easily, I just don't remember. That makes me very frustrated at home because if I forget something that my husband has asked me to do or a certain way something is supposed to be done, I feel terrible.
To Be continued ..
Friday, February 26, 2016
how dare i
i was just cutting out a shirt that i'm making as a surprise for my daughter for my birthday, wishing i was making something more important.
and caught myself
how dare i
how dare i think that what i make for my children isn't important
how dare i think that something i make that isn't for someone else or that i'm not making money on isn't worth it
i might as well give God the finger
He gave me this gift..
this shirt that i'm making for my daughter could be the most important thing she gets for her birthday.. how dare i not think it's important or worth my time.
and caught myself
how dare i
how dare i think that what i make for my children isn't important
how dare i think that something i make that isn't for someone else or that i'm not making money on isn't worth it
i might as well give God the finger
He gave me this gift..
this shirt that i'm making for my daughter could be the most important thing she gets for her birthday.. how dare i not think it's important or worth my time.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
being a mom.. activities
there's only 1 class left for my 10 year old for tumbling.. then a break.
there's only 1 class left and a tournament for my 8 year old in floor hockey.. then we need to get her back into horse lessons. she'll need to get back in the saddle so she can barrel race come fair time.
and my 7 year old continues with her ballet lessons.. she's decided to take a different dance class next year.
even though these things make us busier.. i'm glad my kids are getting involved in things.
there's only 1 class left and a tournament for my 8 year old in floor hockey.. then we need to get her back into horse lessons. she'll need to get back in the saddle so she can barrel race come fair time.
and my 7 year old continues with her ballet lessons.. she's decided to take a different dance class next year.
even though these things make us busier.. i'm glad my kids are getting involved in things.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Proverbs 1
20-23 wisdom is calling out to be heard, are we going to respond? or are we going to ignore?
24-27 if you ignore wisdom, it will leave you, and it will turn you away.
28-31 when you ignore wisdom and brush it aside, it will hide from you when you ask for it. you will not be able to find it.
32-33 if you are complacent and lazy, ignoring the wise, you will come to ruin. but those who listen to wisdom and make it part of their lives will be safe and at ease.
..............
i would rather listen to the wisdom of the Lord, the wisdom of others, listen to the words of the wise people in my life, and apply their words..
than to ignore it and become a fool, be scrambling for peace and clarity.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
don't let it drag me down
from Jan 20, 2016
I feel like
I'm just really worried right now and I don't know why.
I feel like there's a lot of stress weighing me down and I don't know why.
I feel that some type of roadblock is just sitting in front of me andI just can't move past it and I don't know why it's there.
Try not to let it effect the way I act or the way I do my job or the way I parent, but it is effecting a lot.
I feel like maybe it's because it's been going os well lately that Satan is just trying to screw me up.
It's a well-known fact among Christians that when we are doing well in Christ the devil will try to get in there and mess things up, he doesn't want me happy, he doesn't want me thriving, he doesn't want things to be going well.. he wants to mess up my life.
today
i've been talking to God more and getting back into my Bible readings. I feel like the veil is lifting and I'm getting back to my normal self, but a better version of it.
Continuing to grow in my faith, and trusting God more.
I feel like
I'm just really worried right now and I don't know why.
I feel like there's a lot of stress weighing me down and I don't know why.
I feel that some type of roadblock is just sitting in front of me andI just can't move past it and I don't know why it's there.
Try not to let it effect the way I act or the way I do my job or the way I parent, but it is effecting a lot.
I feel like maybe it's because it's been going os well lately that Satan is just trying to screw me up.
It's a well-known fact among Christians that when we are doing well in Christ the devil will try to get in there and mess things up, he doesn't want me happy, he doesn't want me thriving, he doesn't want things to be going well.. he wants to mess up my life.
today
i've been talking to God more and getting back into my Bible readings. I feel like the veil is lifting and I'm getting back to my normal self, but a better version of it.
Continuing to grow in my faith, and trusting God more.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
the one thing i don't like about my job..
i knew there was something i didn't like about my new job. and of course there's probably going to be at least one thing that everyone doesn't like about their job..
and i know what it is now, and why.
i don't like post-meetings. we do a meeting before each shift to go over what needs to be done, and a meeting after each shift to recap what we did get done.
i like the pre-meetings because then i have an idea of what i can do that day, what's expected of that shift, and it sets a foal for me for that day. i like that.
what i don't like is the meeting after. especially if it's been a crazy shift.
i have a habit of internalizing, overthinking, and not being able to slow down when things get hectic.. and that's when mistakes happen. i don't like the post-meeting because when i feel like i didn't do a good job, i don't need someone else to tell me i missed things.. i know i messed up. and i'm one to beat myself up.
so i have begun to dread post-meeting.. because i feel like i'm not doing a good enough job.
i know at the beginning they said it takes a good year to learn the job, and i've only been there 5 months now.. but still, i think i'm getting a handle on it pretty well. obviously i don't know everything there is to know about it, but i just can't really handle emotional pressure, or if i make a bad choice, or if i forget something..
i have TERRIBLE short term memory. and my cognitive memory isn't that good either.
i don't feel like i'm done writing on this.. but i just can't focus on it more right now. it's depressing
and i know what it is now, and why.
i don't like post-meetings. we do a meeting before each shift to go over what needs to be done, and a meeting after each shift to recap what we did get done.
i like the pre-meetings because then i have an idea of what i can do that day, what's expected of that shift, and it sets a foal for me for that day. i like that.
what i don't like is the meeting after. especially if it's been a crazy shift.
i have a habit of internalizing, overthinking, and not being able to slow down when things get hectic.. and that's when mistakes happen. i don't like the post-meeting because when i feel like i didn't do a good job, i don't need someone else to tell me i missed things.. i know i messed up. and i'm one to beat myself up.
so i have begun to dread post-meeting.. because i feel like i'm not doing a good enough job.
i know at the beginning they said it takes a good year to learn the job, and i've only been there 5 months now.. but still, i think i'm getting a handle on it pretty well. obviously i don't know everything there is to know about it, but i just can't really handle emotional pressure, or if i make a bad choice, or if i forget something..
i have TERRIBLE short term memory. and my cognitive memory isn't that good either.
i don't feel like i'm done writing on this.. but i just can't focus on it more right now. it's depressing
Sunday, January 10, 2016
blah
questioning myself
who i am
whether i'm good enough
whether what i do is good enough
do i do a good job at my job?
do i really belong there?
sewing therapy
it makes me feel calm.. and relieved
it relaxes me
and then come the why's and whatif's
sometimes i wish i had a desk job
but then i wouldn't be very active
and i need to be active
so that's why i have the job i do
it's part desk job part staying active
MANDATORY staying active
and using my helpful people skills
thinking this morning at church
why i'm serving where i serve at church
it makes sense to me now
i'm not on stage right now because i don't feel like i should be leading
i feel like i should be caring for people
and i love children
so that's why i've shifted my focus to nursery
brian has said many times that he misses me singing, and i've mentioned that i miss him playing drums
the thing is.. for him, that's a thing of the past. for me, singing, i feel like it could still be a thing of the future, but it's not part of my present. and that's ok
i'm dealing with anxiety and physical fall backs in my life right now
and most days, i feel like i'm glad to just make it back to bedtime without snapping or crying. thankfully with the help of God's wonderful herbs, i have been able to relax most days..
learning to choose what i get upset about, what's worth the fight and what's not..
it's exhausting
who i am
whether i'm good enough
whether what i do is good enough
do i do a good job at my job?
do i really belong there?
sewing therapy
it makes me feel calm.. and relieved
it relaxes me
and then come the why's and whatif's
sometimes i wish i had a desk job
but then i wouldn't be very active
and i need to be active
so that's why i have the job i do
it's part desk job part staying active
MANDATORY staying active
and using my helpful people skills
thinking this morning at church
why i'm serving where i serve at church
it makes sense to me now
i'm not on stage right now because i don't feel like i should be leading
i feel like i should be caring for people
and i love children
so that's why i've shifted my focus to nursery
brian has said many times that he misses me singing, and i've mentioned that i miss him playing drums
the thing is.. for him, that's a thing of the past. for me, singing, i feel like it could still be a thing of the future, but it's not part of my present. and that's ok
i'm dealing with anxiety and physical fall backs in my life right now
and most days, i feel like i'm glad to just make it back to bedtime without snapping or crying. thankfully with the help of God's wonderful herbs, i have been able to relax most days..
learning to choose what i get upset about, what's worth the fight and what's not..
it's exhausting
Friday, January 8, 2016
sometimes..
sometimes i feel motivated..
sometimes i don't
sometimes i just feel like doing nothing
sometimes i know what i have to do... and i really do have to do it. but i just don't want to. it can take all of me to get off my butt and start..
sometimes..
i need more sleep
or i just need to cuddle
or i just need one more cup of coffee
i'm just not playful anymore
i'm just not young anymore
i'm just not..
it feels like there's so much of me i've already used
and i know there's more of me to offer
more of me to give
but.. i don't want to
or
i'm just not feeling.. up to it
i have no motivation of my own anymore.
it takes someone saying "can you make this for me?" or "can you do this for me?"
or "please finish this" or "this is what needs to be done" for me to even want to do more.
there is an end.. there is a point of exhaustion.. and i'm not even old. i just really feel like i need to rest more than i used to.. this body, these eyes, this mind.. can only take so much anymore. i have to learn my stopping point.. and just stop.
or i'll wear myself out
........
this is actually why i took my most recent action of minimizing my online store
i can no longer keep up with running a business myself, and there really isn't enough to keep it going. so i do what i do.. and i make some extra cash for myself.
and i learn my new job to the best of my ability.. and i just keep plugging along. :) because if i didn't have a job.. i'd go crazy lol. i'd be too bored
sometimes i don't
sometimes i just feel like doing nothing
sometimes i know what i have to do... and i really do have to do it. but i just don't want to. it can take all of me to get off my butt and start..
sometimes..
i need more sleep
or i just need to cuddle
or i just need one more cup of coffee
i'm just not playful anymore
i'm just not young anymore
i'm just not..
it feels like there's so much of me i've already used
and i know there's more of me to offer
more of me to give
but.. i don't want to
or
i'm just not feeling.. up to it
i have no motivation of my own anymore.
it takes someone saying "can you make this for me?" or "can you do this for me?"
or "please finish this" or "this is what needs to be done" for me to even want to do more.
there is an end.. there is a point of exhaustion.. and i'm not even old. i just really feel like i need to rest more than i used to.. this body, these eyes, this mind.. can only take so much anymore. i have to learn my stopping point.. and just stop.
or i'll wear myself out
........
this is actually why i took my most recent action of minimizing my online store
i can no longer keep up with running a business myself, and there really isn't enough to keep it going. so i do what i do.. and i make some extra cash for myself.
and i learn my new job to the best of my ability.. and i just keep plugging along. :) because if i didn't have a job.. i'd go crazy lol. i'd be too bored
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