you gotta take the good with the bad..

bad things about me:
-i'm terrible at parking
-i'm not very good at cleaning, i have to make myself do it, and half the time i leave something laying where it shouldn't be
-i yell at my kids
-i beat myself up.. a lot
-my communication skills aren't that good.. i would rather write to someone or just totally avoid, instead of seeing someone in person to tell them something. i don't like publicly speaking if i don't have to
-too many times, i let people walk on me


good things about me:
-i'm a good mom
-i'm a bargain hunter
-when i love, i love with all of me
-i'm faithful to a fault
-i love healthy food
-i love having the opportunity to stay fit
-i see my glass as half full
-i can easily emotionally connect to someone and empathize
-i'm a good seamstress :) my mama taught my well
-i'm tolerant


the thing is.. i can make this list all day long.. but it's not going to matter.
God doesn't care about it.
He doesn't make lists.
He tells me "child.. i made you. i made you in MY image. you are perfect because i'm your Creator. and all the bad things you think about yourself.. are nonsense. the Devil came to steal, kill and destroy.. I came to give life eternal. believe in Me, trust in Me.. and I will show you how perfect you are to Me."

why my business.. is my business.

i need to remind myself that people buy from my store.. because it's my store.
let me get into more detail.

sometimes i get into a funk and start thinking.. what can i do to get more sales? why am i NOT getting more sales? do i need to change something? what's the fad right now.. should i go with that?.. all these thoughts go through my head, and more.

but then i have to stop.
and think.
and remember..
the reason this is my store in the first place.

the things that i come up with in my own creative mind.. my artistic flair.. is why my business IS.
God gave me a special vision, a different way to look at things.
i can see the possibilities in materials before i even have them both in my hands.

so this, THIS, is why it's my store.

and this is why people buy from me.

i have a unique artistic vision, and i do great quality work.

feeling proud.. and slightly giddy

i just saw 152.5 on the scale. i'm not even trying to lost weight. a year or so ago i was doing this to lose weight and lose inches.. i was just plugging away working out at home by myself.. i actually saw 149 on the scale at one point. but i got back into my normal routine and went back up to 157 easily. i am not taking into account that i don't have the time that i used to, and i'm trying different exercises that i know are better for my core and easier on my joints.. and i've been more enjoying the journey as i go. so doing this just in my EVERYDAY, including keeping my eating habits in check, splurging on treats for myself more than i should (lol) and just in general trying to keep myself healthy, strong and flexible. this is a huge accomplishment for me smile emotico

hair journey #1

well.. i've had bangs forever.. my husband loves them, and they're fairly easy to maintain, not including the fact that they look good on me. so i've kept them for a very, VERY, long time.

but, a couple months ago, my husband asked if i would WANT to grow them out, how long would i go.. and i got the chance to play around with them! i've found out that i DO like them, i like the way they look, i like they're more feminine.. but i don't like that they keep falling in my face, even if i use hair spray, they just won't stay. so last night.. i said good-bye to long bangs.
TADA!

moving on.. learning more.. business

i would like to get to the next level.. but it's scary.. trying to push myself, but that fear of the unknown, and fear of criticism.. it kills me

i'm pushing myself a bit in raising some of my prices, taking some chances with the new product rolling out.

creating a work-around so i can still make mama cloth for USA ladies.

i don't have self confidence. i'm really a very non-confident person. i'm afraid of confrontation, i'm afraid of what people will think of me, of my creations.. will want to change how i do things..

i'm not good with change.

this is what i'm working through..

i might be meeting someone in the "fashion world", i might be taking a sewing class, i might be learning some new things through a website..
it's my self-confidence, self-worth and fear of change that is getting in my way.

all sins are equal

i was reminded last night that no sin is small than another.
so many times i think badly of other people at customer service having drinks other than water, because we're not supposed to.

today i was a bit hungry and i bought a candy bar just in time to clock in, and i debated taking it with me.. and i did. i took it with me though i shouldn't have. and my manager saw me with a mouthful and laughingly said "busted!".

Sorry Lord, for falling into temptation, and breaking a rule, no matter how small.

my place in time.

i feel like i'm in a really good place right now..
i feel like working at Kohls at Customer Service..
rebuilding my business, and changing it a bit..
partnering with my husband in his business venture..

learning new things about myself..
taking control of my health..
learning more about my kids and how i can help them daily..

building on my relationship with my husband..
and growing in my faith in God..

changing some things about our finances..
looking at a possible address change..

this is a great place and time for me.
for my family.

i feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be.

what I want to do..

i've been realizing more and more that there are things that i just really want to do before I meet my maker. 

i guess a "bucket list" sort of mentality. 

and i have already been checking some of these things off! :) 

i wanted a cartilege piercing in my ear.. did it in high school. 

i wanted to pierce a hole in my own ear.. did it in high school. 

i wanted to play an instrument really well.. did it in high school. 

but there are more things that i'm able to do now that i'm a bit older. 

wanted to color my hair.. i've slightly done it ;) lol. 

i swore i would never bleach my hair.. but i'm thinking it might be fun just to bleach the tips and ad some fun color to it. 

i might actually break my "no bleaching" rule. 

i wanted to get a nose ring.. did it 4 years ago.  

i wanted to travel and go on mission trips.. have been able to do both of those together 3 times now.. and i'm about to do it again.  

i'm still trying to get my first tattoo.. and now i want TWO. lol. planning at least one this summer. 

i wanted to lose my baby weight.. started working at that 3 years ago.. the weight is off, now just trying to continually maintain that. and i'm feeling better now that i'm in a smaller size. :) 

i would like a real diamond ring.. it's coming. ;) not sure how soon, but it's coming. 

i wanted to have and drive a purple Harley Davidson.. i got it last year, and i've driven it quite a bit. SUPER proud of myself for that one.. got a good deal, made a new friend, and i'm conquering a fear at the same time. and i don't have to worry about getting in an accident with it.. i've already done that HAHA. :) (slid going around a corner and landed in a muddy ditch.. don't worry, no harm was done. AND i've tipped it a time or two.. dang balance)

i want to visit Alaska. 

i want to go on a cruise. 

i want to zip-line. 

i want to climb a rock wall.

i want to go to a bed and breakfast.

i want to have a $0 balance on my Kohls charge card.. it's happening next month :D only 16 more days and i can buy something HAHA. 

i want to look in a bikini, even if i never wear one in public. (totally personal thing, but hey, it's important for ME to feel that.)

i want a purple and silver coach purse.

i want to go to Florida.. once. lol. 

i want to vacation in Italy. 

i want to go to Jerusalem and see some of the placed Jesus was. 

i want to make a really fancy dress for one of my girls.

and the main thing, during all of this, i want to live a Godly life.. 

there are some things that i want to do only because of my sinful nature.. those things can just go burn in hell. 

i'm stronger than that. 

it's a GOOD DAY..

Feb 28, 2015 started out with me getting a good nights rest :)
ironically, i didn't get to bed until 1 am because i closed at Kohls (didn't leave until 11:30).

had a yummy cup of coffee, didn't feel rushed before church..
had a great service
and even though Jazmine's boots officially have to be donated to goodwill (they were leaking and wet and are terribly unsupportive).. she was a trooper :)

Enjoyed some conversation and cookies after service
then went to drop off all our recycling (plastics, paper, cardboard).
headed to Tecumseh to the Harley place.. didn't buy anything! (GOOD FOR US!)
Brian tried on some boots, the girls enjoyed trying on some headbands and hats, i tried on some gloves to get an idea (i'll need some this summer).

Went to the gas station and filled up our popcorn buckets, then headed to the grocery store to fill up our cupboards. ;)

had a great time with lunch together, then Livy and I sat together on the couch and just cuddled and rested (she played with a nail art app on the iPad while i closed my eyes).

i got up and fixed brian's gloves while she started making a book "Livy's Animals".

had some dinner and left for work..
a VERY SLOW night at work.. didn't leave until 9:30 (closed)
and came home for some chips and tea, then went to bed when i felt tired.. instead of trying to stay up too long because it's nice and quiet! ;)

and praise God, my body didn't feel sore or tired or in pain.. i couldn't have asked for a better 24 hours ;)